Playing Pretend
by Shadows11
Summary: Bella and Edward, next-door neighbors, pretty much grew up together. They were best pals until the summer after eight grade. Now seniors in high school, they barely speak. Pushed together for a project, they find themselves pretending to date. Only maybe it isn't pretend after all. All Human.
1. Ch 1: The Assignment

**Ch1: The Assignment**

"Frankly I'm a bit fed up this year. No one can seem to get along so we're going to be doing things a bit differently."

I looked to Angela, apprehension written clearly on both our faces. It was the first day of senior year, what had happened to make Mr. Danvers pissed already?

"Each of you will be assigned to a partner."

Loud groans overtook the room. I suppressed the urge to fuss myself. Bitching about it wasn't going to help anything. Though I looked about the room wondering who my partner was going to be.

Angela was my hope, but I had a feeling that was unlikely given the tone with which Mr. Danvers had made the announcement.

He was now attempting to glare the class into submission.

"Believe me when I say whining is not going to help you." Everyone exchanged nervous glances. "As I said, everyone will have a partner this year. This partner will be your writing buddy for the year. That means every assignment you do, will go through them first. They will give you _helpful_ criticism on your work. I have created a shared online folder where you will submit your assignments. To receive full credit you will have to critique each other and make edits based on the suggestions given."

Apart from the mystery surrounding who our partners would be, the idea wasn't a bad one. I wondered if we got any say in that. Truthfully, I liked Mr. Danvers our English teacher. We had him the last two years and he was always pushing us to do better, which is why most students disliked him. I liked the challenges though.

"In addition to being your writing partner, they will also be the subject of an essay." As he spoke, he handed out a grading rubric and syllabus for the paper. I was resisted the urge to rifle through the papers and waited for him to explain further.

"You are going to write a three-part paper on your partner. It should be about 10 to 12 pages long. Ultimately this paper is trying to get you to look beneath the surface, think about how our biases are built without us really even knowing each other. The first part will be your first impressions of your partner. This is from a superficial perspective. What do you think you know, whether that information came from rumors, quick first hand experiences, looks, whatever. You're just scratching the surface.

"The second part will be more in-depth. I will assign class periods for you and your partners to get to know each other better. You will need to meet outside of class though to be truly effective though. The idea here is that you are getting to know them. Looking past those first impressions to discover the human.

"The final part of the essay will be how this experience has shaped your perceptions of people you interact with on a daily basis. It should be introspective in nature. Think about the first and second parts, how you got to know your partner better. I know this sounds like a lot, that's why I'm making it a year long project. Everyone can manage to write this paper over the course of the year. And it will be a very large chunk of your grade. You're all seniors and I don't want to have to keep anyone from graduating because you couldn't be bothered to learn something new about another human."

We all sat in semi-stunned silence.

The project wasn't that bad, but the thought of not being able to graduate over it was another issue entirely. What if your partner didn't co-operate? What if you don't want to let people know you better? Maybe this idea was not so great after all.

"I know you're all full of questions about this right now, but just keep in mind that it is doable. And you have the whole year to do it. If there are problems, come to me immediately. There should be no excuse for not doing this project."

The glint in his eye told us he meant it. I had no doubt whatsoever that he wouldn't fail anyone that didn't take that to heart.

I glanced at Angie, she looked as nervous as I felt.

"As you might imagine this project would be rather hard to do with someone you are already friends with. Not to mention pretty pointless. I have gotten to know most of you fairly well over the years, and, therefore, I know not only who your friends are, but who you don't interact with too. I will give you all one week to tell me who you would like to be partnered with. The person you choose cannot be your friend. I re-iterate, I know who your friends are so don't think for one minute that you can get away with asking for your best pal." He gave us another hard look.

My stomach sank a little.

Angie would have been a great partner.

I looked around the room, trying to decide who I knew the least about. The problem was, almost all of us had been friends since grade-school. We all lived in a tiny town where everyone knows everyone. I mean sure we don't all hang out, but there was still a lot of familiarity in the room.

"I suggest you each think long and hard about who you want your partner to be. I expect effort from every person in this class, and if a partner is not co-operating there will be repercussions." I should hope so. "I want this to be a project where each of you challenges yourself. You all have the capability of looking inward to discover more about each other and yourselves."

Capability, sure. Desire no.

"Just one last thing. I do want you to be honest with your essay's. Sometimes first impressions are hurtful. Since the subject matter could be a bit sensitive, this is the one assignment your partner will not review. I will be grading on the content rather than grammar and spelling. I still expect you to do your best, but the content is really what I will be looking for."

Quiet contemplation took the room.

We were all looking about, assessing who we wanted to spend the next year getting to know better.

"I can see you're already thinking, so I'll give you the rest of the class to talk amongst yourselves and field any questions you might have."

Chatter started up almost instantly.

"This blows." Angie looked totally overwhelmed.

"Mmm," I agreed wordlessly. "You should ask Ben." Her eyes widened with horror.

"What planet are you on? I don't… I can't," she sputtered. I grinned.

"Yes you can. I mean if I can't be your partner, you might as well use this to your advantage. You don't know each other well, he's pretty sweet, and he's not an idiot so that will make your life easier."

She shook her head. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on. It's not like he even has to know you asked to be his partner. You could just ask Mr. Danvers. You know he has a soft spot for you, I bet he'd do it."

I was pretty sure she couldn't turn more pink. I gave her a look.

"Hey either that, or you don't say anything and get paired up with someone you don't like at all." My eyes immediately darted to Lauren. It wasn't that she was so bad, it was mostly just that she acted like our little town bored her. She'd been sent to our school in tenth grade from the big city of Atlanta (commence eye roll). It was just everything was a constant comparison to her life before. It grew old to listen to pretty quickly.

"Well what about you? Who are you going to choose?"

I looked around once again. No one particularly popped out.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll ask Tyler?" We sort of knew each other. We weren't friends, but we weren't entirely oblivious to one another either. We'd been at the same parties, had shared friends. It was hard to think of anyone that didn't fit in that category anyways.

"Oh, what about-" she stopped short as the person in question and another classmate came near.

"Hey guys." Tyler gave me a smile. The other person barely acknowledged me. Actually, he looked rather bored. I almost rolled my eyes at the notoriously aloof Edward Cullen.

I didn't know what to think about him anymore. Once friends, and now barely acquaintances. It made me sad to think about the distance that was now there.

"What's up?" Tyler asked leaning casually against my desk. I noted his crotch was a little too close to my face for comfort. I scooted back to give myself some room.

"Eh, just trying to decide who to make our victims. You?"

He laughed. It was a little too loud, but not overly obnoxious. I could work with that. I watched as Edward glanced in our direction. I tried not to be too distracted by his brilliant green eyes.

"Same. You wanna be my victim?" He flashed his pearly whites at me. He had a rather nice smile. To be honest the whole of him was rather nice. Medium height and build, tan features, dark hair. A girl could do worse.

Then again, a girl could do better. My eyes darted to Edward.

He was tall as ever, lean, and had that rugged devil may care attitude. Normally it was a huge turnoff, but somehow it really worked for him. Not that he had a particularly bad-boy image. He just didn't care.

Turning my attention back to Tyler, I gave him a half smile.

"Not really into the damsel in distress thing. But if you're offering yourself as sacrifice, I'm no snob."

He scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"Sacrifice huh. I might be down, if there's biting involved." He wiggled his brow suggestively, though in obvious jest.

I saw Edward roll his eyes. I ignored him.

"I don't know. Biting sounds like a vampire thing. I'm more of a zombie girl. I dig brains."

He laughed again.

"You're a trip Bella." Tyler told me shaking his head.

"Without the luggage." I agreed. "But yeah. I'm down to be partners if Danvers approves."

He nodded.

"Cool. Catch you later."

As they walked away, I got the distinct impression Edward was annoyed. It annoyed me that he was annoyed.

It's not like he had to come over to talk to us.

I tried to shake off said annoyance as I looked at Angie.

"What's up buttercup?" She was frowning thoughtfully.

"I don't know. Just don't like this assignment."

I gave her a playful nudge.

"Hey, cheer up. It's gonna be fine. You know Danvers won't let you fail if you get a crap partner. And I don't think that's gonna be an issue anyways."

"You don't know that."

"You should just go ask. It's not a big deal."

"Not to you maybe, but I'm not you Bella. I have a hard time talking to people."

She really did too. So shy, but with so much to give.

Making up my mind, I suddenly got out of my chair and walked towards the front of the room, where Tyler, Ben, and Edward just stopped. Only Edward looked at me as I neared.

Well more glowered really.

I turned back to give Angie a re-assuring smile. She was glaring daggers at me.

I proceeded forward, a smile on my face.

"Hey. Gimme your phone. Thought I'd give you my number so we can meet up for the assignment later." I told Tyler as I walked up. He grinned at me and tossed me his cell.

"Done." I said just a few moments later. I turned to look at Ben who was eyeing us quietly. He remined me a little bit of Angie. "You find your partner yet?"

Tyler laughed.

"Hey no take-backsies. You're mine now." His tone was playful, but idea of being owned bothered me.

"I belong to no-one mister." I gave him my best raised brow.

He threw up both hands in surrender.

"Umm. No, I didn't ask anyone yet." Ben told me softly. I liked that about him.

"You should see if Angie is still available; she's a great writer." I shrugged casually.

His eyes perked up.

"Oh yeah?"

I nodded.

"Yeah dude. I'd pick her if I could. She's been helping me with my writing since middle school."

"Oh. Cool. I'll be right back." He turned to walk back to Angie, who was still glaring at me. I have her a hard wink and thumbs up. She blushed bright red.

"Subtle." The sarcastic tone of a one Mr. Cullen announced.

I turned to towards him my expression what I felt like was cool and collected.

"She's shy. And she'd make a great partner. What's there to be subtle about?"

He glared at me in response. It was his go-to move. I resisted an eye roll and looked to Tyler who had an amused expression on his face.

"Don't mind Edward. He's always a dick." Edward scoffed and stalked away. "I think it's cool. You trying to set Angie up. And Ben really is a nice guy."

I gave him an innocent look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

He grinned.

"Sure you don't."

The bell rang, releasing me from responding.

"Well I gotta get to my next class. I'll see you later."

"Later Bella."

I walked away with the distinct feeling I was being watched. I had to remind myself not to be too flirty with Tyler. He was fine and all, but I wasn't interested in anything more than a class partner.

Making it to Angie I could tell she was both happy any pissed at me.

"So you gonna thank me or give me the silent treatment for a few hours?" I asked tapping my fingers together like an evil villain. She cracked a partial smile.

"I really should hate you. You're the worst."

"But also kinda the best." I put in. She shook her head at me.

"So Tyler huh?" She asked as we moved out into the hall.

I frowned at her tone.

"What? You don't think he'd be a good partner?"

"No, its not that. I just thought maybe there was someone else that would be better."

"Yeah, well duh. But I couldn't have you, so I'm just working with the available goods." She laughed at me.

"Not what I meant."

"Who did you have in mind? If you say Mike, I will throw up." She looked slightly horrified. Mike was definitely not on anyone's list. Much like Lauren he thought way too much of himself and was just super obnoxious to be around. And kinda of skeevy too.

"God no. I don't know. It doesn't matter anyways. I'm just ready for this year to be over so we can leave." I was certain there was more to it, but I didn't press.

"Amen to that sister." I nodded. "But soon we'll be off to college together and roomies for life."

She giggled.

"Don't you think you'll get tired of me?"

I gave her an offended look.

"Hell no. We're gonna go to the same college, live in the same apartment. We're gonna have a double wedding/ honeymoon. Our kids will grow up as siblings and when our husbands die, we'll grow old together. This is a life deal."

She laughed again.

"Got it all planned out, huh?"

I nodded emphatically.

"Yup." While I was being over the top, the sentiment was true. I did plan on us being in each other's life for always.

"Well if we get boyfriends we should at least consider separate rooms."

I barked out a laugh.

"That's negotiable."

With that we headed our separate ways to class, and I considered that it was unlikely I was going to find a boyfriend anytime soon.

Even if things with Tyler went well, I knew he wasn't who I wanted.

Green eyes came to mind.

I shook my head thinking it was going to be a long year if I didn't get it together.

**AN: Just trying out an idea. Let me know what you think**


	2. Ch 2: Unrequited?

**Ch 2: Unrequited?**

"Hey, dad? You home?"

Silence met my question and my stomach sank.

He was gone.

Probably out drinking.

I walked slowly through the house, double checking to make sure he wasn't passed out somewhere. But the house was empty.

It was both terrifying and a relief.

I checked my watch.

7:09 pm.

It was too early to tell if he'd come home or not.

I tried to not let the worry overtake me.

Moving to the kitchen I started on my homework, glancing at the microwave clock every so often.

Fifteen after ten, I heard the front door jiggle.

"Dad?" I stood and moved towards the shuffling sounds.

"Hey, Bells." His speech wasn't slurred. Yet. I eyed the twelve-pack of beer in his hands, knowing they would all be gone by morning.

"Hey." I followed as he shuffled back towards the kitchen.

He paused to eye my homework sprawled across the table.

"Hmm. Working hard on the first day?"

"Yeah. Senior year, gotta keep my grades up."

He nodded and turned to put away his purchase. But not before opening a can and taking a long pull.

"Gonna get all sorts of offers I bet." He mumbled looking at me with a mixture of sadness and pride.

I shrugged.

"Maybe."

He nodded again, taking another swig. The can was already half empty.

"Well, it's been a long day. I'll be in the living room if you need me sweetie." He kissed my forehead before meandering back out the way he came.

It was all too familiar to let the tears come.

At least he was home. And safe.

I gathered my things heading upstairs to my room, pausing only for a moment to eye my dad as he relaxed on the couch watching some fishing channel on the TV.

After readying for bed, I sat at my window looking out to the moon. It was full and bright.

I let myself unwind a little as I enjoyed the peaceful night air.

Closing my eyes, I imagined a different life.

One where I could come home to warm smiles. Hugs and kisses.

A life where most minutes were filled with joy.

To feel loved, fully, completely.

Sounds from across the yard startled my eyes open. Hardly a hop skip and step away was the Cullen house. And directly across from my window, was Edward's room.

I watched curious, looking to see where the noise came from.

A moment later lights came on, and Edward walked across the room.

He always left his curtains open. I wondered if it was because he was that confident no one was watching, or so self-confident he just didn't care.

It had been some time since I had watched the window.

Pre-high school days, I had woken eagerly each morning and rushed to look out. Often Edward would already be there waiting for me. We'd wave excitedly and hurry to get ready, meeting at the gate between our houses, then decide what sort of adventures we'd have.

It was the best time I could remember.

Before the reality of life crept up and ruined everything.

I indulged a moment in the old pastime, watching Edward as he moved about his room. I felt my brow raise as he suddenly removed his shirt and pants, standing there only in his boxers.

I'd always thought he was beautiful, but age had definitely done him justice. He stood at least six feet tall, and though lean had muscular shoulders. His abdomen was well defined by years of sports, now mainly football. He had powerful thighs and calves I was certain were sculpted by the great Greeks of old.

Too bad his attitude sucked.

He knew he was good looking. Knew he could have almost any girl in the school if he wanted to. And if the rumors were anything to go on, those girls were lucky as hell. Eyeing his mostly naked form now, I felt the rumor-mill probably wasn't wrong.

Knowing I was being borderline creepy, I moved away from the window to my bed.

As I snuggled down for the evening, I watched the moon shadows dance on my bedroom wall and wondered what sort of things Edward was thinking.

…

**~Edward's POV~**

I couldn't help the excitement and disappointment that welled inside as she moved away from the window.

She sat on the ledge most nights, her eyes closed, head tilted up to the moon, asking it to touch her face.

And I longed to.

She looked so soft and inviting.

Sometimes she would sit there for hours, a whisper of a smile on her lips, her journal in hand. And I wanted to know what thoughts roved through her mind.

What made her smile?

She never looked my way. Never even glanced.

I was so written off, her mind spared me no thought.

It burned me inside and out.

I wished for her to look my way. To notice, just for a second. And tonight, she did.

Granted, I had knocked over a stack of books and with both our windows open, she probably couldn't help but wonder at the sound.

Still, she didn't just glance.

She _looked._

Needing so badly to be seen, I turned on my lights, pretending I had no clue she was watching me.

My skin felt hot as her eyes stayed on me.

I needed more.

Stripping almost all the way down, I wondered when she'd look away.

But she didn't.

It was cruel to be so close, to know she was watching, and yet still not be able to touch her.

She ended my sweet suffering soon enough when she walked into the dark recesses of her room.

Hot need filled me.

As it always did when I thought of her.

Turning off my own lights, I fell into bed thinking how badly I wanted to know what was on her mind. And what she thought of me.

**1 week later**

**~Bella POV~**

"Your week is up, and partner assignments are here!" Mr. Danvers announced at the beginning of class. We all perked up feeling confident with our choices. "Unfortunately, some of your classmates failed to find appropriate partners. And still some other chose not to pick anyone at all."

This wasn't good. I looked nervously over at Angie. She gave me a helpless look.

"In light of this, I have had to make some adjustments to your requests." Almost everyone groaned. Even I felt annoyed. "If you want to be mad, you should consider aiming it at your classmates for not following directions. This would have gone smoothly otherwise."

I saw Lauren and a few other blush under Mr. Danver's heated stare.

So they were the culprits.

Should have known this wouldn't go as hoped.

I waited in resigned annoyance for our new partners to be called.

"I was able to keep most of your choices, with a few exceptions. Today we will spend time outside. You and your partners should start to get to know other. Keep in mind you will want to record your first impressions so you can write the first part of the paper. Today should be light, easy. Small talk folks. It's really not that difficult. I'm even giving you a question sheet to get you started."

I just wanted this to be over already.

"When I call your names, you may exit to the front lawn. You can adventure out, just stay in sight." At least we got some outdoors time. I looked outside happy to see it was nice and sunny. We listened as our names were called, some students cheered when they got their preferred person. "Weber and Cheney."

I turned to Angie with an excited face.

"Lucky ducky." I winked. She blushed and hurried to meet Ben at the front of the room. I noticed only a few of us remained. Seeing Mike hadn't been placed either, I prayed for anyone else.

"Okay, Swan you're with Cullen."

I felt my eyes go wide.

Well played Mr. Danvers. I had just hoped for literally_ anyone_ else.

More than a little uncertain, I scanned the room to find Edward. He was watching me from the far corner of the room.

His intense gaze made my stomach flip in an odd way.

Get it together Swan!

I nodded at him and went to meet up.

We walked in silence out of the building to the front entrance. There was a ton a green space surrounded by a perimeter of trees. There was still plenty of room even though previous partners had first pick.

"Any preferences?" I asked Edward looking for a semi-secluded area.

Not that I wanted to be alone with him. But if we had to talk, as awkward as that was going to be, we might as well not be in earshot of anyone else.

"Big oak?" He suggested.

I felt my brows raise in surprise. I didn't expect him to actually have a response. And it so happened the large oak at the perimeter of the lawn was one of my favorite spots. I wanted to ask why he suggested it, but I resisted.

"Uh, yeah. That'd be good."

It was a little further out than any of the other couples, providing us a little more privacy. Not that we needed it, I reminded myself.

I sat down in the shade, near the base of the tree and pulled out my notebook.

Edward chose to stand, leaning against the tree, looking out over the lawn.

Opening my notebook, for lack of anything else to do, I started to write down things I felt I already knew.

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_

_Born June 20__th__; single child_

_Words to describe: Popular; Aloof; Confident; Ass_

_Dislikes: being called Ed; spiders_

_Likes_

Hmm what did he like?

Sports probably.

And sex. Or so I'd heard.

But I wasn't going to write that one down.

"What's this?" The notebook was gone before I realized what happened.

I glowered up at Edward.

"Notes. Can I have them back?"

He read the page with a raised brow.

"Confident ass, huh?"

I rolled my eyes.

"There is some very important information missing here." He tutted.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was preparing your biography." I told him dryly.

He gave me a strange look. One I couldn't quite place.

Sitting close beside me, he handed me back the notebook.

"So, is this the part where you ask me a bunch of dumb questions?"

His eyes were teasing, and I could feel the movement of air from his breath.

"Probably."

I pulled out the 'superficial' question sheet we had been given, more to focus my thoughts than out of need. Most of it I already knew the answers to. Generic facts, that didn't really tell you much of anything. My eyes stopped at one that had me a little curious.

"What about this one?" I pointed to number eleven on the page. "What do you look forward to the most every day?" I wasn't sure if it was really a superficial question, but I was curious.

Edward looked contemplative. His brow was drawn in, and he looked at me intently.

"Too many things to choose from?" I joked trying to dispel some of the tension I felt.

He didn't respond.

Uncomfortable with the sudden silence, I looked back at the paper trying to find another question to ask.

"What do you look forward to?" The quiet question caught me off guard. I almost told him I wasn't going to answer until he did. But when I looked at his face, I could tell he was really struggling.

I thought for a moment.

What did I look forward to every day?

Immediately I thought of my dad. It wasn't so much I looked forward to seeing him, as it was the relief in knowing he was okay.

My own brows drew in.

"Hmm, that is a hard question." Heavy silence filled the air. "I guess spending time with Angie."

Edward looked at me, waiting for more. But conversation was supposed to be a two-way street, so I waited for him.

I didn't have to wait too long.

"How did you and Angie become so close?"

I felt my brows raise at the question. It wasn't a bad question; I just wasn't prepared for it. I took my time before I responded.

"We clicked when she moved here in ninth grade. Her parents had just divorced too. I think we were both spiraling a little. I guess the whole kindred spirit thing happened."

It was honest.

Omitting some other key factors, like how mine and Edward's friendship died.

But really it did explain how Angie and I became besties.

Edward was quiet for a long moment. I wondered if he was thinking about how we used to be best pals.

"You know, I had no clue your parents divorced that summer." I gave him a curious look. "You kind of just disappeared. I didn't find out until school started again."

I frowned thinking back to the summer after eighth grade.

Even with all the crap I dealt with now, I still counted it as the worst time of my life.

I shrugged, not certain what else I was capable of saying without sounding incredibly pathetic.

"You able to think of something you look forward to?" I asked redirecting the conversation. I avoided looking at him, finding myself particularly interested in an ant crawling across my shoe.

"I don't know about the day. But I like evenings." There was a note of humor in his voice.

I cocked my head to the side, watching him. He was looking up at the tree rather than at me.

"Oh yeah? What do you like about them?"

He turned to give me a smug look.

"The view."

His cryptic response had me frowning in confusion.

What view?

I thought of how I looked at the moon most nights. Did Edward do the same thing? As kids we had often laid in the back-yard naming constellations until our parents made us come inside.

But I had never seen him looking from his window.

Then again, I had ingrained myself not to look over at his house. Had I been wrapped up enough in my own head, I never noticed?

And on that vein of thought, did he see me at my own perch?

Is that what he meant?

I felt my eyes widen and my heart started working overtime at the thought.

His deep chuckle sent a wave of pleasurable chills through me. I could feel the tremors of his laugh on my neck. The heat of his skin was radiating out towards me, and my traitorous body was starting to respond to it.

"Did something embarrass you Bella?"

His light taunt made me want to bury my head in my lap.

"I have to say, I'm enjoying how deeply you're blushing right now."

"What can I say, I'm part tomato." He laughed again. "You know, spying isn't very friendly."

I tried to give him a severe look. He just grinned.

"I didn't know you wanted to be _friendly_. I could always use a new _friend_."

The emphasis in his tone was not lost on me. Nor was the head to toe body check he gave me.

"The way I hear it, you don't need any help making those kinds of _friends_." I shot back.

His eyes darkened a fraction; an annoyed look cross his face.

I wondered exactly what caused it.

We were just teasing one another. Surely he wasn't offended by my dig at his supposed sexual prowess. I mean if anything it was a compliment. Right?

After an extended amount of silence, I couldn't take the tension anymore.

Standing up, I stretched my arms and legs. Sitting so close to him had my body tense.

In an attempt to relax, I moved into the sun laying out in the grass and closed my eyes to let the rays warm my face.

As a distraction from the obvious stress between us, I listened to the world around me.

I could hear the hushed murmurs of other partners as the wind carried their voices. The birds at the edge of the forest twittered delightfully to one another. I imagined they were talking about their day, telling each other the strange things they saw the funny humans do. It made me smile to think about such ridiculousness. My fingers itched to write, even as the story played out in my head.

"Earth to Bella."

Edward's voice close to my ear, had me jumping in surprise.

"Huh?"

I sat up slowly, slightly confused.

He was sitting in the grass next to me, a curious expression on his face.

"You fell asleep." He told me quietly.

Had I really?

I almost couldn't believe it. But as I looked around, I saw everyone was getting up to go inside.

"Oh." Well hell. "Sorry about that. I didn't even realize."

He nodded.

We gathered our things in silence, before heading back.

I wondered how I had fallen asleep so easily. I knew I was tired from the night before, but to fall asleep in the day was rare for me. But the sun had felt so nice, and the sounds soothing.

Almost back to the building I turned to Edward.

"I really am sorry about falling asleep. I guess I was more tired than I thought. I'll be sure not to lay down next time." I gave a half-smile hoping he would at least tease me about it. His easy shrug plummeted my hopes.

We parted ways without any further exchange.

Feeling low, I walked slowly to my last class.

It was going to be a long year.

**AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave me some comments if you like how this is going so far, and want to see more!**


	3. Ch 3: Longing

**AN: I'm going to start adding some more adult themes towards the end of this chapter. I will probably change the rating to M as I will be writing more explicit material later on.**

**Ch 3: Longing**

Though Monday's class had left me feeling low, as a few weeks passed things with Edward got a little better. Mr. Danvers hadn't let us outside again, but he gave us about fifteen minutes twice a week to chat with our partners.

Edward and I kept things light. I still wouldn't consider us friends, but things seemed easier.

We asked questions we already knew the answer to. Though a surprise came up here and there. Today was no exception.

"Favorite color." I mumbled looking over the worksheet we'd been given. "Is it still storm blue-gray?"

Edward gave me a surprised look.

"How did you know?"

I gave him a laugh.

"How could I not? I think you complained for weeks in middle school when your mom redecorated your room and painted it dark gray by mistake."

He was looking at me with amazement.

"You remember that?"

I gave him a thoughtful glance.

Did he think, just because we stopped being friends that I suddenly forgot everything about him?

"I remember a lot of things from when we were little." I told him gently.

He looked curious.

"Like what?"

The tone in his voice made me smile.

"I don't know. Just the stuff we used to do together. Like riding our bikes out to the lake, counting stars, flipping pennies into the pool and diving in after them."

Some of the fonder memories came back to me. A sort of peace settled over my mind when I thought of those times.

I looked to see Edward staring at me in quiet contemplation.

"We used to spend a lot of time together."

I nodded my head agreeing.

His lips twitched.

"What was that thing you used to do in the pool? With your hair… the George Washington?"

I laughed a little loudly. He was referring to a silly thing we did, where you pulled all your hair down in front of your face underwater. Then as you come out of the water, flip it back so it created a roll that framed your face. If done correctly, it sort of looked like an old-timey wig. And was thus called the George Washington.

"Ahh yes. I'd like to say my party tricks of gotten better with age, but I don't think I can beat the ole George."

Edward gave me an appreciative light laugh.

It was nice. Joking with ease like this.

It was almost like no time had passed. That nothing had changed, and we were just older versions of our previous selves.

I could feel my humor dimming as I slowly came back to reality.

Thankfully the sound of the bell relieved me from having to say anything else. I gave Edward a half-smile as I readied for my next class. I could tell he wanted to say something, but het got up and walked over to his friends.

"Sooo. How are things?" Angie asked me with a nudge as I finished packing my bag.

I shrugged.

"Good enough. How about with you?" My eyes darted towards Ben who was watching Angie. I thought it was cute, they way he watched her.

Angie blushed.

"I think we're gonna go out after school tomorrow."

I felt myself smile at the admission.

"That's great! Holy cannoli, I'm so happy for you." Angie blushed harder.

"Yeah. He's really sweet Bella. And he's just so interested. You'd think everything I said was just so cool or something. He really pays attention to me."

I felt my heart patter with happiness for her.

"I am so happy for you Angie. Ugh, you're getting a love life. My little girl is all grown up."

Angie swatted at me as we walked out of the room.

"So big Friday night! Where are you gonna go?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know. We're still working out the details. I don't want to do a movie, though in this small town that really only leaves bowling." We both grimaced.

"Umm, not for a first date sweetie. You should go to _New Moon_, the cute little bistro on the waterfront. Oh, and then you can walk along the river. There's lots of park benches. It would be so cute."

She laughed beside me.

"I think you're getting more excited about my date than I am." She teased.

"What can I say? I need to live vicariously through you."

"I don't think you will for long." She eyed me intently.

"Umm, what?" I feigned looking around. "You talking about me, cause I'm pretty sure this situation is as solo as ever."

"What about Edward?"

I felt my face contort into an 'are you out of your mind' sort of look.

"Well, I mean when I see you guys talking in class, it looks pretty cozy." Angie defended.

I shook my head.

"Angie, you're sweet, but no. Edward and I just have a lot of history. It makes this part of the assignment easy. There's common ground, but that's pretty much where it ends." I told her, feeling sad at how true it was.

"I think you could be more. I see the way he looks at you." She pushed.

I wanted to believe her, but my heart told me it was a bad idea.

"I think you're reading too much into it. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad guy and Lord knows he's not hard to look at, but we're not a good match."

She gave me a disapproving look, and sound.

"I think you're not reading enough into this. There is some serious heat between you too."

I wanted to deny it, but for my part she was sort of right. Edward made me want to jump him sometimes. It really wasn't fair for someone to look that good in jeans. But I doubted Edward saw me as anything more than a class project.

And that was depressing.

"Look, I don't think Edward wants me like that. And even if he did, it would probably only be because he hasn't had me. A new challenge or something stupid like that. Which I really don't think is the case anyways. Can we drop this?" I knew I was being a little short with her, and that she meant well, but thinking of Edward and I as a couple made me ache in ways I really didn't want to contemplate.

"Okay." She said quietly.

"Oh don't be mad at me Angie. Please." I pouted hard and gave her my best puppy-dog eyes. She cracked a smile.

"Fine. But I stand by what I said." She told me defiantly. I loved it when she stood up for herself. It made me happy to see her bossy side come out.

With a playful salute, I bid her later as I rushed to class.

I normally loved my last class of the day. It was a creative writing class taught by a local college professor. He'd gotten special permission from the school to teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other days of the week, I had an independent study as filler.

Usually I loved going, getting to express myself in writing. The only true love in my life.

But today, I was distracted, thinking about Angie's date and her thoughts on Edward potentially liking me.

Hah!

Even though my mind was pre-occupied, class flew by. I was grateful, for once, that it ended so quickly.

Still wrapped in my thoughts I didn't notice the footsteps behind me until I was all the way at my truck. My fingers just reached the door handle when a hand tapped my shoulder.

"Hey, Bella?"

I cringed immediately at the voice, turning reluctantly to face the unwelcome person.

"Hey Mike."

I shouldered my bag uncomfortably, waiting for this to be over as soon as possible.

It wasn't that Mike was so bad, he was just annoyingly persistent. He had already asked me out twice this year. I thought I had managed to find a way to let him down easy, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Hey." He said again. I stared, willing him to just leave me alone. "Uh so I know you said you weren't interested before, but I was wondering if you wanted to go get dinner this weekend. We could just go as friends, I mean."

Friends. Sure.

I sighed, making no effort to hide it.

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. But mine haven't changed." I started to explain but he cut me off.

"Yeah, I know. But won't you even give me a chance? We don't have to do anything; I just want to spend time with you."

If he didn't creep me out so much, I probably would have pitied, him. But damn I really wanted him to back off.

"Like I said before, I'm not interested." I kept my tone firm this time, trying to leave no room for misinterpretation.

I could see Mike was getting angry now.

"How can you know you aren't interested if you won't give me a chance. It's not like you have a bunch of options anyways."

The jab cut deeper than he thought.

The little jerk was lucky I didn't punch him.

"Actually, Mike I do have options. You're just not one of them." It was times like this I wished I had a boyfriend. At the very least someone to stand behind me as backup if creeps like Mike wouldn't let go.

Mike scoffed at me.

"Come on Bella, you don't have to lie to me. I don't care if no-one else wants to date you. At least I'm asking."

I was so mad I wanted to pummel his stupid face.

"You don't know shit about me Mike," I hissed. "For the record I do date, and am currently talking to someone. So if you don't want your ass kicked for harassing me, I'd suggest you leave me alone."

The last part was a complete lie, but he didn't need to know that.

I was glad to see his eyes widen and take a step back.

"Oh. You know, I thought you were better than that Bella. If I had known you were letting Cullen fuck you, I wouldn't have bothered."

I tried not to let the surprise show on my face when he mentioned Edward. I was pissed at his presumption, but also kind of glad. At least this was some sort of ammunition to make him go away.

"Good. Leave me alone then." I shouted.

I didn't bother waiting around for him to insult me again. Instead I hoped in my truck and backed quickly out of the parking spot. I narrowly missed hitting him. Part of me wished I had.

The part with more sense, was glad I wouldn't be going to jail for maliciously running someone over.

Trying to curb my rage, I drove home as safely as I could.

Despite my efforts I had to slam on the breaks when I entered the drive.

I was just so angry. My body was shaking with it.

How could someone who knew so little about me be such a jerk? And to act all nice until he didn't get what he wanted.

I rested my head on my steering wheel, willing myself to breathe evenly.

When my door whipped open, the rage swelled up immediately. Fist cocked I turned quickly, ready to strike.

"You fucking-" my fierce voice died, as I realized, to my horror, a surprised Edward stood in front of me.

"Whoa there."

He laid a gentle hand over my shaking fist and lowered it slowly.

My heart was in my throat and I couldn't make myself speak. I'm sure my eyes looked wild.

"You okay?"

I forced myself to breathe and nod my head.

"Sorry." I managed after a moment. "I thought… you scared me." I could still feel my heart beating in my chest.

I closed my eyes and placed a hand over the erratic pattering.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was looking me over with more than a little worry written on his face.

"Sorry for trying to clobber you." I gave a weak smile. "Was there something you needed?"

He didn't talk but just stared at me for a while.

"No. I saw you pull in. Thought something might be wrong."

Great, he had witnessed even more of my meltdown.

"Nope," was my tightlipped response. I was still too mad about what happened to talk about it. Especially not with him.

I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Just…I really just want to be left alone right now."

For a moment I thought I saw a flash of hurt flicker through his eyes. It happened so quickly I couldn't be sure. All I saw now was disinterest.

"Whatever." He walked away as if he didn't have a care in the world.

I envied that so much.

I watched his retreating back until it disappeared into his house.

Only then did I trust myself enough to get out of the truck.

I stood in the driveway for a long time. I knew I probably looked a sight, starting stupidly at my house, unable to make myself move inside.

I longed for a safe place to go. Somewhere to release the pain.

I knew I'd never find that here.

…

**~Edward's POV~**

Still in my drive, I watched as Bella had pulled in. Even before she nearly took the turn on two wheels, I knew something was wrong.

I couldn't help myself from walking over.

Seeing her rest her head on the steering wheel did something to me.

What had her so worked up?

Temptation took over common sense and I was shocked when she raised her fist cursing at me when I opened her door.

I could tell she thought I was someone else.

She was shaking so hard. Her beautiful brown eyes full of anger and more than a little pain.

I had to touch her.

Her body trembled beneath my fingers as I lowered her fist.

I wanted to grab her in my arms so badly.

Her lie about being scared bothered me. I wanted to understand who had upset her so badly. But she wanted me to leave. I hated that she didn't trust me.

Walking away was harder than I made it look. I felt her eyes on me the entire time.

And when I went inside, I watched through the window as she stood in the driveway looking lost.

I ached for her. I wanted to tell her I was there for her. But every time it seemed we were getting close; a wall went up. Like today in class.

Seeing her talk about our childhood with such fondness filled me with hope. The way she smiled as if nothing made her happier than to remember those times.

But watching the light die in her eyes killed me.

It was like she was playing hot and cold. Only she didn't know what it was doing to me.

Unable to look at her, I walked upstairs to my bedroom.

I fought the urge to check for her, and instead threw my mind into my studies. Even later when my parents called for dinner, I forced myself not to spare a glance in her direction.

It didn't matter. She never noticed me anyways.

After the first day of class I thought she might check to see if I was looking in on her nightly moon watch.

But she didn't.

I was stupid for thinking anything would change.

These past few weeks had been a mixture of heaven and hell. Every time we talked and she smiled, when she'd accidently brush against me, god even the way her fucking forehead wrinkled in concentration. Everything about her appealed to me and I was acting like an addict ready for another hit.

What was it going to take?

How could I get her to want me as badly as I wanted her?

Even now, laying in my darkened room, my body sang for her. I felt my shaft aching with need. I was literally so hard it fucking hurt.

Unable to take it, I reached down, taking myself out of my boxers.

I imagined it was Bella reaching between my legs to touch me. That she was stroking me with curious fascination and need.

I pumped a little harder as my mind convinced me she'd be willing to take my cock in her mouth. Her plump lips descending over my length. She'd try to take me all in I was sure. Determined not to gag, but unable not to.

My hand moved faster as my fantasy played out. Bella licking my tip as she pumped. Lapping up every bead of moisture she was working from my cock. Seeing the playfully evil glint in her eyes as she used her teeth to incite a painful pleasure. I'd fill her mouth, watching her swallow it all as I explode around her tongue.

The thought drove me to the edge, and I came hard in my hand. Hot, wet liquid coated my fingers and stomach.

I laid there for a long time, letting myself relax.

Eventually I would clean up the mess I had made.

But for now, I was basking in the release, glad to feel the usual pain in my chest subside, even if only for a moment.

**AN: I did warn you it was going to get steamy. Y'all ready for more yet?**

**Also, A big thank you for all the reviews!**


	4. Ch 4: Rumors

**Ch 4: Rumors**

**~Bella's POV~**

I wasn't usually paranoid about being the topic of discussion. Most of the time when I saw people whispering, I assumed it wasn't about me. It's not like I wasn't well known around the school, I just never considered myself important enough to be worth talking about.

But today, people were acting weird.

It seemed wherever I went people were staring at me. Some were obvious about it and others would quickly glance away if I looked in there direction. At first I thought I had something on me.

Then I thought I smelled bad. I even went to the bathroom for a sniff check. Everything seemed okay though.

My next thought was that I was just being overly sensitive.

Come lunchtime though, I was certain it was not in my head.

"Sooo, Bella," Erik Yorkie drawled out.

I glanced over his way as I sat down with my usual group of friends, ready to chow down on the PB&J I packed for lunch.

"Sup?" I asked before biting into my sandwich.

"You coming to Tye's party tonight?"

Confused, I gave him a look while I chewed.

I went to parties, but usually they were ones hosted by the same group of friends I was currently sitting with. Tyler wasn't in that group. Hell I hadn't even been invited to the party in question.

"Probably not." I said as I finished my bite.

He looked surprised by my answer.

"Oh… I mean don't you want to go?"

I just shrugged. It'd probably be cool, but I wasn't exactly on the guest list.

"Why you asking? I'm not really friends with Tye."

He rolled his eyes at me.

"But you are with Cullen."

I wasn't sure that Edward and I were friends either. I still didn't understand Erik's line of questioning.

"I'm… confused."

Yorkie looked a little put out.

"When you date a football player, you tend to go with them to their friend's parties." He spelled it out for me with a note of exasperation.

I was so taken aback by that comment I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open.

"Dating?" It came out more as an accusation than a question.

Erik raised a brow.

"Come on Bella. Everyone's been talking about it."

I felt my mouth moving but no sound was coming out.

Jessica Stanley who was sitting beside Erik giggled.

"I don't think she knew the cat was out of the bag."

Oh no. This couldn't be happening.

"I'm… no… I mean," I couldn't get a coherent sentence out.

"Aww she's embarrassed. Oh better get it together, your man is heading over." Jessica winked at me.

I'm pretty sure I was hyperventilating. My fight or flight response was kicking in, and flight was about to win.

"Hello, _sweetheart_. Can I have a minute?" Edward's sultry voice purred in my ear.

I almost jumped at how close he was.

Embarrassed and with no better way out, leaving with him was really my only option. I nodded wordlessly and followed him out of the cafeteria. I tried to ignore the fact everyone's eyes were on us as we departed.

We walked to the far side of the building which was deserted this time of day. He whirled suddenly and I almost fell into him.

It startled a gasp out of me.

He eyed me quietly, as if he was trying to read my mind. It made me nervous.

"I didn't… I mean…," I was really having trouble communicating today.

The smug smile that captured his lips made my stomach flip.

"Bella, if you wanted to go out, all you had to do was ask."

I felt myself turning redder, if that was even possible at this point.

I shook my head vehemently.

"No… I," I cut myself off as he lifted a single brow at me.

"Are you trying to tell me you didn't start a rumor that I'm fucking you?"

He didn't sound upset by it. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying how awful this all was. But I wasn't.

"Not intentionally!" I blurted out.

The surprise in his eyes was evident. And I realized, he was messing with me. He didn't actually think I was responsible. Until now that is.

And all my anger at Mike came crashing back.

"Fuck!" I cursed, turning to kick the wall in my rage, like a petulant five-year-old. "That stupid asinine weasel and his stupid fucking face. I _should have_ run him over yesterday."

I wanted to punch something so bad, my fists balled angrily at my sides. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing instead.

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this. Please feel free to correct everyone." My voice sounded strained to my ears.

Trying to be an adult, I turned to face him.

He looked somewhere between angry and confused.

"What exactly did I get dragged into? Fucking you?"

I really wished he would stop saying that. It made me react in ways I couldn't handle right now.

"Yes. Well supposed fucking anyways." I threw up my hands defeatedly.

He was quiet for a moment.

"You really want me to believe you just started telling people we're dating?"

I sighed aggravatedly.

"No. I didn't happen like that. I didn't tell anyone we were together. It was just assumed, and I was mad. And I didn't even think that it was a big deal, because why would he go around telling anyone? But he did, and here we are."

I motioned between us.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Edward's confused reply came quickly.

I rested my head in my palms for a second, then turned to look at him. He looked more confused than mad, which I should have been grateful for.

I felt given the circumstances I did owe him an explanation, even though I really didn't want to talk about it. I took another breath and focused on speaking slowly.

"Yesterday, Mike cornered me to ask me out. It was the third time since school started and I was just really fed up. I mean, how many times do you have to turn a guy down for him to get it? I tried to be nice, I tried to be clear. But then he…" I cut myself off getting even angrier.

"Wait, did Mike hurt you?" He looked seriously pissed. I shook my head.

"No. He just said some shit that pissed me off, and I realized he wasn't going to leave me alone unless he thought I was dating someone."

Edward's face was drawn in concentration.

"So, you told him we were dating?"

I could tell he was trying to follow, but getting lost in the details. I shook my head again.

"I told him I was seeing someone, and he assumed it was you. He made it very clear that he didn't want anything to do with Cullen's sloppy seconds, so I just let it ride. If that's what it took to get him to stop bothering me then so fucking be it."

Silence hung between us.

I stared at my shoes, uncertain of what was going to happen next.

"That's why you were upset yesterday?" His question brought my eyes up. "Because he thought I was fucking you?" There was an edge in his tone that sounded a lot like hurt.

"Not in the way you mean. I was pissed that he wouldn't leave me alone. That me saying I wasn't interested over and over wasn't enough. That I had to be with someone else to make him back off."

I wished he could understand how frustrating it could be. As if being a single woman by choice was somehow impossible, and there was no way I wouldn't be interested in a guy unless I was dating someone else.

"I'm sorry I used you as an out. The situation was really uncomfortable and at the time I didn't see the harm. It just never occurred to me that he would spread that around." I told him honestly. "I'll set the record straight and tell everyone it was just a rumor. I don't want to cause any problems."

He gave me a long look.

"What if I don't want to set the record straight?"

Umm, say what now?

"What?" Confusion colored my voice.

He shrugged.

"Let people think we're dating."

I was blown away at his suggestion.

"Why?"

His eyes captured mine.

"It's shit that some asshole won't back off unless you're with someone. If my name gets you out of that situation, I'm willing to go along."

I was incredulous.

"You can't really expect me to believe that you're willing to pretend date me, just so one dick head leaves me alone."

I mean it didn't even sound plausible.

He laughed at my obvious disbelief.

"It comes with perks for me too." That piqued my interest. "It's not quite the same caliber, but I get plenty of unwanted attention. It's fucking annoying. I can hardly go to a party without getting hit on and then some jealous dude wants to fight." He rolled his eyes.

It surprisingly made a lot of sense. I could certainly see where he would get hit on. And also where boyfriends might be worried about Edward snatching up their girl.

"Look I just wanna finish the year with good enough grades to get into college and get the hell out. If having a fake girlfriend makes that easier, I'm all for it."

The sentiment was one I shared.

Still, fake dating seemed like a bad idea.

As if sensing my hesitation, he looked at me.

"You have someone in mind you actually want to date?" The question was asked as if he didn't think that was possible.

It annoyed me enough to be combative.

"What if I did?" I sassed.

He looked surprised for half a second, followed by a grin.

"I'd say you're full of shit. But if that's the case, who's the lucky guy?"

Of course I was full of it.

"As if I'd tell you."

He chuckled and gave me a knowing look.

"There's only two guys in this school you'd find interesting enough to want to be with. Since Mr. Danvers is a teacher and you aren't legal yet, I'm assuming he's off the table."

I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of his words.

"And if he's not in this school?" I dared to counter.

Edward's eyes darkened a little.

"Then, I'd really think you're full of it."

It was so silly I couldn't help the smile that came.

"It just so happens that I'm not interested in dating anyone. But I don't like assumptions being made about me." I told him with a semi-severe tone.

Edward gave me an appreciative look.

"No, you certainly don't."

The moment was quiet between us as we both considered each other's words.

"I'm not against you Edward. It just seems like it could get complicated."

His brow furrowed.

"How?"

Oh, if only he knew.

"_Lying _tends to get complicated." I half-laughed. "Keeping stories straight, being on guard to act like we like each other in front of other people. It just seems like a lot."

He didn't respond immediately.

"You think it would be that hard to pretend you like me?" His face told me he didn't think that was actually a problem.

"Anyone ever mention you have a big ego?" I asked drily. He cracked a smile

"Often."

I rolled my eyes.

"You don't think it would be… I don't know, just annoying I guess. To make sure people believe it?"

Edward laughed, surprising me.

"Bella, you're hot."

I'm not sure what sort of face I made, but it didn't feel good.

"Umm, what?"

He laughed again and moved closer to me.

"You're hot. You're probably one of the hottest girls in the school."

And suddenly I felt like I was being mocked for no reason.

"Real nice Edward. Yes, guys like Mike cornering me in parking lots really makes a girl feel sexy. That, and the non-existent line of men knocking at my door." The sass in my tone didn't seem to deter him.

"Bella." He voice was too damn sexy for the level of my irritation right now.

"Edward." I shot back.

He gave me a look.

"I don't need to be hot or whatever. Maybe I'm not anyone's type, but I'm happy with the way I look, thank you very much. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mock me."

His eyes turned a little angry.

"I'm not mocking you Bella." I made a noise of disbelief. He shook his head at me. "You're intimidating."

"What?" I almost laughed. "First, I'm hot, now I'm terrifying. Make up your mind."

He gave me a pointed look.

"You are not only the smartest girl in our grade, but you don't take shit from anyone. Most guys find that incredibly intimidating."

I could only look at him feeling bemused.

"Look, guys want easy marks. Yeah maybe it's a little deeper than that sometimes, but for the most part that's the way it is. Confidence is a turn on. Being good looking is a turn on. But when you have both, that scares little boys away."

I tried to understand what he was saying. I could even, maybe a little, grasp his point. I just didn't think it applied to me.

"You're saying I scare guys off because I'm so hot and confident?" I heard the lack of belief in my voice.

"You don't have to believe me. Go up to any guy in the cafeteria right now and ask him out. He'd say yes without hesitation."

The level of certainty in his voice was baffling.

"That doesn't even make sense. Why would they say yes, if I supposedly am so scary?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You really don't know anything about men do you?" He sighed. "If you ask, it means you see something in them that might be worthy of you. You made it easy, because they didn't have to figure out what they have to offer."

Though I understood, I still didn't believe it.

"Okay, even if I believed that, which I'm not sure that I do, what does that have to do with us pretend dating?"

The exasperation in his eyes was evident.

"I'm hot; you're hot. I'm confident; you're confident. Admittedly you're far more intelligent than I am, but I still make good grades. We're on the same level. People won't have an issue believing we're together, because it superficially makes sense."

And finally, I was getting his point.

"Oh." My ever intelligent reply.

"You said it might be hard to make people believe. But really, I think it would be harder to make them not believe it."

I could see his meaning. It hadn't even been a full day since Mike had mad the assumption, and now the whole school thought we were together. They did want to believe it.

"You really think this is a good idea?"

I was honestly asking.

As if sensing the shift in my tone, Edward gave me a softer look.

"I think it solves problems for both of us. But if you're worried, we can just ignore the rumors. As long as it doesn't bother you, people will eventually stop talking about it."

I felt like I needed more time to think about it.

"Can we talk about this later? After school or something? I don't want to jump into anything that neither of us have really thought out all the way."

He opened his mouth as if to argue, but then promptly closed it. I could tell he wasn't particularly happy about it, but he was going to give me the time I needed to process this proposition.

"Sure. I'll see you after school."

As I watched him walk away, I felt a sense of loss and uncertainty.

Could I really afford to let myself get close to him again, even if it was only pretend?

**AN: When rumors become reality!**

**Hope y'all are liking my story so far. As always, feel free to shoot me some reviews to let me know how you feel.**


	5. Ch 5: The Agreement

**Ch 5: The Agreement**

_**~Bella's POV~**_

"_Sure. I'll see you after school."_

_As I watched him walk away, I felt a sense of loss and uncertainty._

_Could I really afford to let myself get close to him again, even if it was only pretend?_

**~Edward's POV~**

It was the second time in two days I had to walk away from her.

This time was almost harder than the last.

I'm sure I couldn't have been more surprised today when the guys from the team asked when Bella and I would be stopping by Tye's party.

The laughter that had ensued when I gave them confused looks.

The fluttering in my stomach when Tyler clued me in that everyone knew Bella and I were dating.

I had tried to dismiss it as just a rumor, but I could tell no one believed me.

When lunch rolled around just an hour later, I knew I had to speak with her.

It was funny. I saw the exact moment she found out.

The sputtering and reddening of her face. How her mouth fell open, but was so stunned she couldn't speak.

I admit I felt devious. Knowing it would only add fire to the flame, I had to get her alone. If nothing else to assure her I didn't start the rumor.

Though part of me wanted it to be true.

I was glad she followed me out into the hall. I had to hold myself back from pushing her up against a wall and kissing her senseless.

But that was something only her real boyfriend could get away with. And despite the fact everyone thought I was just that, we both knew the truth.

Still I couldn't resist teasing her, as if she would have spread such a story. Watching her face redden even more gave me intense pleasure.

Nothing, however, could have prepared me for the shock at her admission she was responsible. It was just too unlikely to believe.

As she explained I felt myself grow angry. It enraged me that Bella felt cornered into a lie just to get someone to leave her alone. I made a mental note to kick Newton's ass later.

But then it occurred to me.

This could be the opportunity I had been waiting for.

A chance to get her to _see_ me. To _want_ to really see me. Like she did when we were young.

I could hardly believe what I was suggesting. Pretending to date.

I could see the wheels in her head turning. Trying to make sense of the offer. Trying to understand why I'd even be interested.

The fact she thought she thought so little of herself was almost too incredible to be true. Yet that vulnerability was there. Something I hadn't seen before.

She was amazing. And smart, and sexy, and confident.

But she didn't see that.

If she would give me the chance, I would make her see it.

Though I was glad she didn't write it off altogether, I was frustrated that she needed time. I understood why. She didn't know what it would mean, pretending to be mine.

So I had to walk away.

Class passed in a blur.

And I was grateful Mr. Danvers had a full lesson.

I wasn't sure I could take having to make more small talk with Bella, when I really just wanted to ask deep and meaningful questions.

I reveled in the fact she would have to open up to me at some point. Both our grades depended on it. Yet if I knew Bella, she would find a way to say a lot without really telling me anything at all.

My attitude didn't improve much over the course of my last class either. I usually enjoyed computer programming, but today I was ready for everything to be done. So I could talk with Bella; find out if she was willing to be mine. At least for pretend.

Unfortunately, I got roped into helping Mr. Adams move some desktops, making me leave later than usual. I was considering just knocking on her door when I got home, but as I walked out into the parking lot, I saw her truck was still there.

Curious, I walked towards it, noticing her head just peeking out from the other side.

Only something was wrong.

"Leave me alone. How many fucking times do I have to say it?!" I heard Bella's voice shout. I started running.

"I bet you made up that shit about Cullen, didn't you. As if he'd want trash like you."

I had just skirted around the side of the truck when, Bella's fist came into contact with Mike's eye.

He staggered back, shock and anger clear on his face.

"Touch me again, Newton. I fucking dare you." Her eyes were wild and I could see she almost wanted him to do it. So she could beat the crap out of him.

Neither of them had noticed me yet.

"You're a fucking crazy bitch!" He shouted lifting his fist to strike.

Something in me snapped and before I realized it, I had Mike shoved against Bella's truck, my hand wrapped tightly around his throat.

He gasped and made a futile attempt to loosen my grip.

I squeezed harder.

"You ever fucking touch her again, and I will break every last bone in your god damn body." I could feel the rage rolling off of me; I couldn't make it stop.

I could feel his pathetic excuse of a pulse in my palm and I wanted so badly to extinguish it.

"You hear me Newton." I shoved him harder, making him garble as I was severely close to cutting off all his oxygen. "She's off fucking limits. And if you even glance in her direction I will not hesitate to end your miserable fucking life."

I wanted to annihilate him.

"Edward," Bella's soft voice called, breaking through my rage. I turned as she laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "It's not worth it."

That almost made me angrier.

She would always be worth standing up for.

With one last shove, I released him. Watched as he fell to his knees gasping for breath and scrambled away as fast as he could.

My instinct was to run after him and rip him to shreds.

A soft body suddenly surrounding me distracted me from the urge.

And I realized, Bella was hugging me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and her head resting on my shoulder as she squeezed me gently.

It tore a ragged breath out of me.

She was so warm and soft.

My hands enfolded around her, bringing her even closer. I felt our hearts beating rapidly between us.

She felt so damn good in my arms.

I was surprised when she didn't pull away, but rather let me hold her for a long moment, letting our hearts steady.

I was the first to break the silence.

"You okay?"

Slowly her arms relaxed and she stepped away, but not far. Her eyes were bright with emotions I didn't really understand.

"Yeah. Thanks."

She dragged a hand through her hair and leaned to pick her bag off the ground. When she looked up I could tell something was on her mind.

"If you still want to pretend, I'm down."

I felt surprised and disappointed all at once.

"He's not going to bother you again. Dating or not. His ass is dead if he comes near you."

Her soft smile was almost too much to bear.

"I appreciate that you're willing to stand up for me, but I'm not scared of Mike. I think I was angry enough to do some damage of my own. It was just really nice to have backup for once."

My heart pattered like a little schoolgirl with the way she was looking at me.

"And you mentioned it would help you out a lot if people thought we were dating. Let me have your back now."

Her offer was enticing. It really wasn't much different than the original arrangement. Only I didn't feel as good about it. Like she owed me, versus us equally providing something for one another.

"You don't owe me shit Bella. It was crappy of me to offer the trade in the first place. I should have kicked his ass regardless."

She looked surprised, then her brows drew in.

"So you get to help me, but now I can't do the same for you?"

The sad look in her eye had me wavering.

"Look, if things are changed now, and you don't want to go through with it that's fine. You were right earlier, people will get over it and everything will go back to normal. But if I can help you, I would really like to do that."

She was literally trying to give me the one thing I wanted and here I was balking?

Enough of this will-she, won't-I crap.

It was time for what _I _wanted.

I threw her a heated gaze; one I had perfected over the years. One I used to get what I want.

"If you're my girl, Swan, you're mine." Her eyes widened at the change in my tone. "That means there is no doubt who you go home with. It's me. Every party, you come with me, you leave with me. Anytime you go out, I'm there with you. I will touch you, I will kiss you, for all intents and purposes you will be mine. Is that something you can handle?"

I watched her throat work and her cheeks flush.

What do you know, little Mrs. Bella was getting turned on.

I felt my pants tighten slightly at the thought.

"Oh." She breathed. Then after a moment nodded her head slowly. "Yeah. I can do that. Just give me a little warning so I don't smack you by mistake." Her amused smile and willingness had me itching to grab her back in my arms.

"You're sure? You can handle someone you're not actually dating, grabbing and kissing you?"

She laughed, surprising me greatly.

"Are you clean?"

Her question was both insulting and yet totally called for.

"Bella, when I fuck, I always use a condom." She just rose one brow at me. I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm clean. I had a physical and STD test two weeks ago. Doc gave me a perfect bill of health. Satisfied?"

She nodded.

"Yes. And to answer your earlier question, I won't have a problem if you touch or kiss me as long as I see you coming. Grabbing me from behind may result in a black eye though. So you've been warned."

I couldn't help but feel excited I was finally going to get what I wanted.

"What if I were to kiss you right now?" I was pushing my luck, trying to see how far she was willing to go.

"Without an audience? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?"

I shrugged easily.

"Not if we need to practice to make sure you're good at it." I was definitely pushing my luck.

Her eyes narrowed for a moment, but then she stepped forward. Rising to her tippy-toes so that her lips were even with mine.

She looked on at me deeply and swayed forward so that our lips just barely grazed. Her breath soft on my face.

I felt her hands slide along my arms, over my shoulders, then up into my hair. She stroked the strands between her fingers and pulled just a little as she pressed her lips firmly against mine.

Her mouth was divine. Supple lips that sighed open to me. She kissed softly, teasing, making me want more. My hands found their way to her face. As I cupped her jaw in my hands, her mouth opened, tongue darting out to taste me.

And then she was gone.

Feet flat back on the ground she was looking up at me with a smug smile on her face.

"Was that good enough?"

Where the fuck had she learned to kiss like that?

If my pants were tight before, it was nothing to what they were now.

I eyed her suspiciously.

"You're a lot more devious than you look."

She laughed and bowed.

"Summer camp taught me many many things." Part of me was glad, the other part was jealous as hell. "So when should I be ready?"

What?

"Ready for what?"

Her eyes sparked with mischief.

"Our first date!" She said loudly in a high pitch voice. I couldn't help the cringe that came. She laughed again. "Tye's. If I remember correctly you wanted me to come and leave parties with you."

Oh yeah. That was tonight.

"Fuck." I looked down at my watch. 4:10 pm. "I was planning to help Tye set up around 5, can you be ready by then."

Probably not, girls always took forever.

"Yeah, no problem." She shrugged and opened her car door. "I'll walk over when I'm ready."

I didn't believe that would happen, but I gave her a nod.

With that she hopped in her truck.

"See you in a bit."

I watched as she left the parking lot, wondering what the hell I had just gotten myself into.

**AN: I hope you all liked this update. Thanks for all the reviews and suggestions!**


	6. Ch 6: The Party

**Ch 6: The Party**

**~Bella's POV~**

Part of me still couldn't believe what happened.

I had not only agreed to be Edward's girlfriend, well close enough, but I had _kissed _him.

I don't know what came over me.

Maybe it was the adrenaline. It felt wrong, but seeing Edward get that angry had been such a turn on.

His muscles bulging, the fire in his eyes.

I paused brushing my hair to take a deep breath as I remembered it all.

And knowing that he did it for me.

That he was willing to stand up for me.

I mean I could handle myself; I was prepared to fight. But the fact I didn't have to was just so freaking nice.

Edward was to thank for that.

And now I could do something for him.

If I was being honest, dating Edward was too appealing. I worried I'd get wrapped up in him again, and not be able to let go this time.

Sighing, I gave myself a once over in the mirror.

I had gently curled my hair and added just a smidge of mascara. Just because we were 'dating' didn't mean I was going to stop being me. This was as dressed up as I was used to getting.

I eyed my denim jeans and plaid shirt.

It was simple.

But it was me.

Checking my phone, I wished I could call Angela to tell her everything that was going on. We hadn't had a chance to talk about mine and Edward's situation yet, but she was going on her first date tonight and I didn't want to bother her with my problems.

Noting the time and not wanting to keep Edward waiting, I took a deep breath and mentally checked to make sure I had everything.

Walking downstairs, I paused at the living room. Dad wasn't home, but then he usually wasn't at this time. I considered texting him to let him know I was leaving the house but opted for a note instead. I doubted he would have read it anyways.

Satisfied, I walked over to Edwards.

Before I had even knocked on the door he was coming out of the house.

"Oh. Hi."

I really needed to get better at greetings.

He looked surprised to see me and I didn't miss the appreciative glance he gave my choice of attire. He looked good as ever.

Grey shirt that clung to every muscle, and jeans that accented his fabulous ass. Not to mention the wild tousled look his hair always seemed to have.

It was gonna be hard not to stare.

"You're," he looked at his phone, brows raised, "on time." It was just a few minutes to five.

"Should I not be?"

He shook his head.

"No, you're good. I just got off the phone with Tye. You mind if we make a pit stop to grab chips and shit?"

"Not at all."

Nodding, he walked towards his car. It was a shiny silver Volvo. It practically gleamed as you walked by. He must wash and wax it regularly.

Getting in the passenger side, I was pleasantly surprised to find the inside was immaculate as well.

Edward was fastidious, I would give him that.

We rode in comfortable silence to the only grocery store in our one-horse town. I wondered who was working today. Probably Rhonda.

"You can put on whatever."

The statement brought me out of my head.

"Hmm?"

His eyes were delightfully green looking at me with interest.

"The radio, you can change it to whatever." He clarified with a smile.

It took me a moment to register soft rock was playing in the background.

"Oh, that's okay. This is good." I wasn't picky. Not to mention I rarely noticed music anyways. It's not like I didn't enjoy listening to music, but I often found myself in my own head and would forget to pay attention.

"You worried about something?"

The question took me by surprise.

"No, why?"

He gave me a careful glance.

"You're quieter than usual."

I almost laughed.

"Am I?"

Thinking on it, I recognized there once was a time when I _was_ much more boisterous. Full of life and laughter, where every second was its own little adventure.

Not that I didn't enjoy energy and excitement, but the urge to be that level of carefree just wasn't there like it used to be.

I didn't think it was such a bad thing. I could enjoy solitude now in a way that I never appreciated before. But maybe I had lost a little too much of the old Bella. The one that approached life without any hesitation, jumping with both feet in.

Perhaps I would never be completely her again, but I could bring a little bit of that back.

I turned in my seat to look at Edward. It had been too long since I last trusted anyone with the power to hurt me. And while that prospect was terrifying, I gathered that was part of life that made it more worth living. Even though it was likely to bite me in the butt later, maybe it was time to make some risks.

The biggest one sitting right beside me.

"I was wondering about our pretend relationship." I started. Obviously intrigued, he glanced my way. "Since you're going to have free reign over me, does that mean I have some rights in return?"

The widening of his eyes was not lost on me.

I understood that regardless of how we might have felt about each other in the past, there was a certain charged energy between us now. My body reacted to him in ways I hadn't felt in some time. I was sure he felt the same way about me, thought it was no secret he took his pleasures as he pleased. Why deny what was so freely offered?

Interestingly, the thought didn't bother me.

It was hard to be jealous when it came to Edward. He might have slept with many girls, but he didn't keep any of them. No one lasted more than a week or two. And even if that was ultimately to be my fate as well, why not get a little something more out of it. Memories I could hold on to even after the bottom falls out.

"You want to have free access to me?" A smug look crossed his face.

I didn't let myself be embarrassed. It was time to do things that _I_ wanted for a change.

"Well I figure since I'm doing you a favor and all, I might as well get some of the usual girlfriend perks." I was teasing him, testing to see what would happen next.

"What sort of perks would those be?" He dared me to answer.

"Hmm," I tapped my chin playfully. "If we're in public, you have to hold my hand. I get piggy-back rides upon request. And I'm allowed cutesy nicknames, to be used in front of friends solely with the intention of embarrassing you."

His genuine smile had my stomach fluttering.

"I think I can work with that." He chuckled slightly. "Any other demands, _Bella Boo_?"

I laughed at his turn about.

"Touché _sweet cheeks_." This was actually going to be fun. "No, I don't have any other demands…yet." He rolled his eyes at me.

We had just pulled up to the store, when some of Edward's friends slid into the space next to us.

"Yo, E!" I smiled slightly at the booming voice of Emmett McCarty as he and his girlfriend, Rosalie, came over to speak.

"Hey Em, Rose." Edward returned at a fraction of the volume.

"So, it _is_ true." Emmett announced giving us a once over. "Didn't think you'd ever have the-" Rose elbowed him in the ribs cutting off whatever he was about to say. I noticed Edward tensed slightly at the exchange.

"Rude." She told him, before giving me a smile. "Hey Bella. Just ignore him. He enjoys making people uncomfortable."

I laughed lightly not bothered in the slightest.

"It's all good. What are y'all up too?" I wondered if they would be at the party tonight.

"Getting some stuff for Tye's." Emmett told me unravelling that mystery pretty quickly.

"You'd think after all the parties he's thrown he wouldn't leave shit for the last minute." Rose announced with an eye roll. Emmett and Edward shrugged.

"Yeah well it was a close call this time. He wasn't sure if his parents were actually leaving town or not."

I considered for moment that I didn't know much about Tye. I wondered how often his parents left town, and if they were at all aware their son threw parties while they were away.

"You'd think they wouldn't trust him after all the times he's gotten caught," Rose mentioned laughing.

Emmett shook his head.

"They don't really care. I think they kinda like it. The whole 'my son is popular and I'm proud of that' sort of thing."

"Wow, an insightful comment. I didn't think he was capable Rose." Edward joked. Emmett rolled his eyes, turning a mischievous look towards me.

"So what are y'all doing here? Getting lube?" Emmett asked wiggling his brows.

Edward's body snapped taught, and Rose smacked the shit out of Emmett's arm.

I was surprised enough to just laugh.

"What? You mean there's something else besides Vaseline?" I joked in a feigned affronted voice. Emmett barked a laugh while Rose giggled. I felt the tension ease from Edward's body. I could see he was going to have a lot to learn if he thought Emmett could embarrass me. "Naw, just came to grab some chippies, then we're gonna head over to Tye's."

Rose gave me an appreciative glance. I had heard she was hard to get along with, but I couldn't say I was getting that vibe now.

"You got a quick mouth Bella." Emmett was still laughing.

"Ohh, but I can make it go oh so slow too," I winked.

Emmett gave me loud pat on the back.

"You're alright." I grinned feeling nice at getting approval from two of Edward's friends already. "We'll we gotta run before Jimmy leaves. See y'all at the party in a bit."

As they walked away, I noticed they were going to the package shop rather than the grocery store. It figures they would be the ones to do the liquor run. Emmett had been held back a year in elementary school due to an illness, so technically he was a year older than the rest of us though we were all in same grade.

He was still underage, but it was a known fact you could get the goods from Jimmy Duvall. How he'd never been arrested for selling to minors was beyond me though.

I looked up to Edward seeing if he was ready. He was eyeing me with quiet fascination.

"You okay?"

He nodded.

"Thanks for being cool with Em. He can be a lot sometimes."

I laughed.

"He was fine. I'm really not that delicate Edward." With that I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the store. "Now let's get some chips!"

We were in and out pretty quickly, though I couldn't help myself when we walked by the family planning isle.

"Hey, what do ya know, they _do_ have lube."

Seeing Edward's surprised slightly blushing face was totally worth it.

I think he rushed us out before I had the chance to do anything else embarrassing.

Now we were at Tyler's hanging out as people slowly started filtering in.

I thought more people would be surprised that Edward and I were together, but apart from the occasional '_Oh_', most people rolled with it. I wasn't sure if that was because the rumor had already spread so much at school, or if it really was that believable.

I was enjoying myself immensely either way.

Normally Friday nights were for Angie and I to hang out and plan our futures in getting away from this town. But tonight, I saw its appeal. Kids were laughing, just being carefree. Letting themselves live in the moment. Beer had been passed out; some people were well on their way to getting plastered.

I held a red solo cup of some pale ale myself, but it was all for show. I hadn't actually tasted it. Tye had shoved it in my hand about an hour ago. Normally I would have politely declined, but I didn't see the point in arguing this time.

So I just held the cup. At least now people had stopped asking if I wanted anything.

Edward had given it an odd glance a few times. I wondered if he knew I didn't drink or was just confused that I still had liquid in my cup.

Now I watched as bodies started making their way to the dance floor, I longed to join in.

Dancing was another one of those things I loved to do but didn't have many opportunities for. Most parties I attended weren't quite this level, and I hadn't ever gone to any school dances. Still, like any other teenager I found dancing to be incredibly fun. The way you could just get so hyped then turn right around and relax into a slow song after. The fluidity of movement from beat to beat.

I felt myself swaying on the sidelines, watching everyone else have fun.

"Wanna dance?" The whispered voice in my ear sent chills down my spine. I turned my head slightly to see Edward's eyes looking at me hungrily. I nodded slightly.

Wordlessly, he set down my cup and guided me to the floor.

The song was hot, not slow or fast, but pulsing.

Hands on my waist, he pulled me forward. Bringing my hands to his neck, I rolled my hips into him gently. He rocked his hips in return meeting me for every move.

Slowly he slid his leg between my knees allowing our bodies to come even closer. And as we danced, his hands moved lower until they were gripping my ass pushing me firmly against him.

I let myself go enjoying the way our bodies fit together. The pressure building between my legs was incredible.

"Do you like that Bella?" His sultry whisper in my ear.

I could feel the fire in my eyes as I looked at him. I chose to let my body respond rather than speak. Letting my hands slide down over every delicious curve, I gripped his butt and pulled him in more tightly.

I heard his groan as I connected with a very large swell in his pants. Not even trying to be subtle, I pushed my hips perfectly against the spot letting him know I was _very_ aware of his situation.

His hands tightened on my ass and gripped me harder. In the back of my mind, I knew I'd have bruises later. But right now, it just felt too good to stop.

"I think _you_ like it Edward."

"I'd like fucking you more," he whispered back huskily.

A thrill shuttered through me at the thought of grinding my hips into Edward in a different kind of way. Although the thought was tempting, I wasn't quite ready to make that leap.

"Haven't you heard patience is a virtue?" I replied steadily working my hips against him.

"Must be why I'm no saint," he smirked keeping pace with me.

I laughed letting my head fall back slightly.

"I'm not so sure impatience is the major concern for your lack of sainthood."

He threw a hand over his heart in pretend offense.

"And what exactly is?"

I raised one brow.

"Hmm… _lust _maybe?"

He grinned.

"Eh, wearing a halo all the time seems kinda hard. How's yours feeling tonight?" he teased, pulling one of my curls lightly.

My smile was immediate.

"I wouldn't know, I left it hanging on my bed." I told him with an innocent shrug.

His laugh was wonderful.

"I think you'll have to give it an extra polish after dancing with me tonight." He leaned in to whisper in my ear. I couldn't stop the shiver it sent coursing through me.

He definitely noticed.

"Cold? And here I thought you were nice and toasty."

His hands roamed up and down my arms causing more goose bumps to form.

I really needed to get a handle on my body.

Unable to speak, I simply stared into his eyes as his hands roved from my hips, up my sides to my neck. One arm around my waist, he pulled me in while tipping my chin up with his free hand.

I watched as he dipped down, stopping just above my lips.

His eyes were glinting with mischief. In that moment he knew he had me. I waited, body nearly trembling with anticipation.

When his lips finally descended down, they were firm and all encompassing. The kiss was hot, hard, and full of passion that ruptured forth. He commanded me. My mouth opened to him, and he filled it without hesitation.

His scent and taste absorbed me completely. I hardly knew what was happening for the pounding in my ears.

And when he pulled away, I was dazed. Thoroughly, exhaustively. My body begging for more even as my lungs screamed for air.

I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves and calming my mind.

"Well played Cullen." I breathed out when I'd finally caught my breath. His eyes were watchful, careful. And totally unreadable. "Well I haven't been kissed like that since summer camp." I joked trying to bring a lightheartedness back.

His smile was slow, but it came eventually.

"You're gonna have to tell me more about this camp of yours."

And just like that the tension was gone, and it was easy and playful again.

"I might be convinced, for a price," I teased.

Delighted curiosity showed on his face.

"What might that be?"

I laughed shaking my head.

"You'll just have to wait to find out."

With that I tried to pull away. Edward frowned and gripped me to him.

"And where do you think you're going?" His perfect brow arched with sass.

"Well unless you want me to _pee_ on your leg, the bathroom." I sassed back.

He laughed giving my ass a final squeeze before releasing me.

I shook my head and walked away.

Even though I did have to go, I was really just using this as an excuse to level my head. A mini Edward detox as it were.

Thankfully there was no line, a minor miracle really.

When I walked in, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror.

My hair had gone a little wild, eyes were bright, cheeks rosy.

And my smile was big.

I looked… happy.

Happier than I had in a while.

Staring at the foreign sight before me, I realized how much I just enjoyed being around Edward. The thought was exciting and troubling.

I was already getting so wrapped up in him. Nothing felt pretend.

The way he kissed and looked at me.

As if I was the only girl in existence.

Try as I might, the warnings in my head, that this was all make believe, were falling on deaf ears.

I would be _fine._

I _wouldn't_ get caught up.

I _could_ walk away heart intact.

I was a _liar_.

**AN: Thanks for all the comments, follows, and favs I've been receiving! I'm super stoked y'all are enjoying my story so far. Did you enjoy this update? Want **_**more**_** tension between our love birds? Let me know!**


	7. Ch 7: Bite Me Where!

**Ch 7: Bite me where?!**

The party had been amazing. Edward and I had danced several more times, but none of them held the same tension as the first.

When it got later, and my eyes felt heavy, he took me home. I worried a little that he was leaving earlier than he normally would, but he dispelled those fears when I voiced them.

That was the nice thing about Edward.

He was just so upfront about everything. He took what he wanted, said what he felt, and didn't look back.

Part of me wished I could be that way, but I got too attached, and had a hard time asking for what I needed.

It was something I needed to work on.

When we made it back home, he even surprised me by walking me back to my door. Not that it was far, but the gesture meant a lot.

I frowned slightly, thinking how the evening ended.

"_I had fun." I told him with a sleepy smile. He ruffled my hair affectionately and laughed._

_ "Good." He looked around a small frown on his face. "Is your dad home?"_

_Looking to the empty space in the driveway I had felt my stomach drop. But I brushed it off and gave Edward a smile._

"_Oh, I'm sure he's inside. Probably just had one too many and had his friends drop him of." I lied. He wasn't home. I could bet on that._

_I wasn't sure if he believed me, but he didn't press._

_He stepped in close, tugging one of my curls, then leaned down to whisper in my ear._

"_Sweet dreams Bella."_

_I nodded my head dumbly and fumbled with my keys as I tried to get inside._

_I heard his laugh rumble as he walked away._

It had been such a pleasant evening. Even my dad not showing up until six am the next morning could ruin the feeling completely. At least he had slept off most the liquor at that point. Likely passed out in his car when they kicked him out of the bar.

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. What I needed to do was talk to Angie.

It was Monday and I hadn't heard from her all weekend.

Okay, that wasn't entirely true. She had sent me a few short texts on Saturday, and I had spent a brief moment with her on the phone Sunday. She had been rushing to get ready for church and told me she would call me back later.

But she hadn't.

I figured she would be blowing up my phone about Edward and I dating. But I could understand if she was more concerned with Ben than with me at the moment.

I was going to have to have a chat with her about not ditching me now that she had a boyfriend though. Luckily we were partners in Biology together, so she couldn't avoid me there.

I gave her a stern look as soon as I saw her.

She at least had the decency to look apologetic.

"I know, I know. I'm a terrible friend. Take me out back and shoot me." She hung her head in shame.

"I just might. You know you can't go out with someone new and then not text me at all. I almost hunted you down to make sure you hadn't been murdered." Not quite true, but I had been worried.

"Ugh, I know. It's just Friday was so nice, and when I got home I was going to text you, but then Ben was texting me, and I just fell asleep." Her grin was sheepish.

"And what about Saturday and Sunday?" I wasn't giving her an inch.

"Well… I was just really distracted on Saturday. Then Ben came over to hang out and… there's really no good excuse. I totally ditched you this weekend. And I feel awful about it."

Her eyes told me she was truly sincere, and it was nice to know she was so excited about her new boo thang.

"Okay. I forgive you. But just so you know, you are going to tell me _everything_ later." I warned. She smiled a little.

We waited for Mr. Banner to finish his intro on today's lesson before we resumed our conversation.

"I didn't mean to leave you all alone the whole weekend. I'm sorry."

And it suddenly occurred to me she probably never even heard the rumor on Friday. Here I was thinking she would be stoked to ask me questions. It was laudable. Maybe I could have a little fun with it.

"Oh, it's okay. Edward kept me company."

Her head whipped around so fast it was comical.

"What!" She nearly screeched, heads turned in our direction.

"Shush, before you get us in trouble. You're supposed to be labeling your diagram," I told her with raised brows.

Eyes wide she stared at me.

"You and Edward?" At least her voice was much quieter now.

"You didn't hear? Hmm… the gossip's not as bad as I thought." I shrugged, knowing her mind was racing with questions trying to figure out when it had happened.

"I can't believe. You're just messing with me, aren't you? Because I'm a bad friend." She had it all figured out.

_Not_.

I laughed lightly.

"Actually, no. I mean I am teasing you, but not about Edward."

Her eyes widened totally incredulous.

"When, why, where, how?"

I laughed again.

"It's a little complicated and not quite what it seems. We should talk later, if you aren't going to be glued to Ben's hip." I joked.

She gave me a confused look but was at least not pushing to know more immediately.

"Okay, but you are telling _me_ every little detail."

I nodded and we got back to our work.

She was going to have a million questions. I was only sorry she was going to be sorely disappointed to find out it was all fake.

The thought was actually disappointing me now.

When class ended, I was pleasantly surprised to find Edward waiting outside my class.

"Hey." I called as Angie and I walked out.

She was assessing us thoroughly.

"What are you doing here?"

Angie elbowed me lightly. I frowned in response. What was that about?

Edward just laughed at us.

"I'm here to walk you to your next class." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh. Okay." I shrugged. "I'll see you later Angie."

I could feel her eyes burning into my back as we walked.

"So since you're here," I started. Edward gave me a half smile curious look. "Are you cool if I tell Angie?"

His smile fell, and suddenly I felt like a jerk for some reason.

"I know we haven't talked about the particulars in that area, but I would like to tell her. If you aren't okay with it though, I won't."

His brow furrowed.

"You'd lie to her?" His voice sounded genuinely surprised.

His question bothered me a lot.

"I don't want to, but this is between you and me. You have a say in what happens, so if you don't want me to tell her, I won't."

He didn't say anything until we reached my next class, Pre-Cal.

"Would it bother you to not tell her?"

"Yes. But it would bother me more if you felt pressured into letting me." I answered honestly.

He shook his head.

"You shouldn't feel like you have to lie to your best friend. It's okay. Tell her." With that he kissed my forehead and walked away.

I was surprised by both actions.

I didn't feel altogether great that he was letting me tell Angie, but I was glad I didn't have to lie.

When noon rolled around, I felt it was a shame that Angie and I didn't share the same lunch. It would have been a good opportunity to talk. I'm sure she was feeling the same way too.

I walked over to my usual table, waving as I sat down.

"You're sitting with us?" Jess asked surprised. I looked down, confused.

"Damn, did I forget to wear pink?"

Yorkie laughed.

"That's on Wednesday's hun."

"Who voted me off the island then? It was you, wasn't it?" I pointed jokingly at Seth. He shook his head and threw his hands up.

Jess laughed.

"We just thought you'd sit with Edward."

Oh shit. Maybe I should have.

See this is why rules were important.

Playing it off I shrugged.

"Am I a butt plug?"

Jess's mouth dropped open in horror.

"What?!"

"Well I'm just wondering why else you think I should be up his ass."

Seth hooted with laughter.

"Damn, Bella's feisty today."

I wiggled my brows suggestively while biting aggressively into my PB&J.

"Hot." Jess laughed at my ridiculous behavior.

"Mhmp mow ehh," I mumbled around a mouthful.

They giggled.

"What was that?" Jess asked laughing.

"Bella's PB&J calling for help," Seth suggested. I nodded my head and gave him a thumbs up while I finished chewing.

"Normally that only happens with ice cream. Get it. Ice _scream_."

Seth chuckled at my stupid pun. Jess rolled her eyes.

"I bet you scream when Edward sticks something else in your mouth." She smirked.

Erik nearly spewed his drink.

I rose a brow.

"Wouldn't _he _be the one screaming?"

Jess laughed.

"Not unless you use teeth."

Erik cringed. "That's just wrong." he said shaking his head.

"I dunno… some people are into that."

Seth looked horrified.

"No, Bella. No guy wants his dick bitten." His affronted attitude had me laughing.

"Are you sure? What about a little nip?" I teased, gesturing a small amount with my finger and thumb.

Jess started cracking up.

"Why don't you test that theory on Edward and let us know how it turns out."

I shook my head as they laughed.

"Maybe I will."

"What testing are you planning to do to me?"

My eyes widened at the voice behind me.

Why did he always have to sneak up like that?

I leaned back to see Edward smiling at me, humor in his eyes.

"Careful Cullen, she bites," Jess announced as Edward sat in the open spot to my left.

I threw a carrot at her.

"Just saying, apparently she can't help herself."

I threw several carrots that time.

She just laughed.

"Biting huh? Sounds interesting." He played along. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks a little.

"You might not think so when you find out where," Erik told him, eyes wide with mock fear.

I threw a carrot at him that time. I frowned seeing I was low on ammunition.

"And where might that be?" Edward asked me, his brow raised and a daring look in his eye. He knew exactly where.

"Your dick." I told him calmly. "Apparently it's taboo to use even the slightest amount of teeth on that particular appendage." Then I bit lightly into the remainder of my sandwich.

Everyone but him laughed. Instead he gave me a heated look that told me maybe he didn't think it was so taboo either.

"I'd run if I were you." Seth told him jokingly.

Edward grinned.

"I'm game… if I get to bite back." He flashed his teeth and a chill ran through me thinking about Edward's head between my legs. His lips parting my folds giving me the gentlest nip to my most sensitive spot.

Fuck I was getting turned on.

"Ohh," Jess cooed. "That actually sounds hot." She fanned herself playfully.

Seth seemed to be reconsidering his stance.

I laughed to dispel some of the tension I was feeling low in my stomach.

"So, what are you doing over here?" I asked, not being subtle about the change of topic.

He gave me look.

"I need a reason to sit with my girl?"

The way he said _my girl_, was a little too appealing.

"Jeeze Bella." Jess scoffed. "Forgive her Edward. Apparently, she hasn't had a boyfriend in so long, she forgot how to act with one."

I threw my last carrot.

I was sad to see it go.

"We've been trying to bring her up to speed on the rules of modern dating, but she's stubborn and defiant."

I stuck my tongue out at her like a five-year-old.

Edward chuckled lightly.

"I believe it."

"Ha-ha," I snarked, but then cracked a smile.

It was sort of fun having my friends and Edward get along. I could tell they liked him by the way they were teasing us.

"Amped for the game Friday?" Seth asked Edward.

Oh yeah. It was football season. Both Seth and Edward were on the team.

I wondered suddenly what my role would be in that.

I had gone to some of the games in the past, but now that I was pretending to be Edward's girl, I wondered how else I might need to show my support.

"Yeah, should be a decent match with Eatonton." Seth nodded, agreeing. "Personally, I'm looking forward to the game against La Push in a few weeks. It'll be a good match. I hear they have an awesome new QB this year."

"Oh yeah? Should be fun then."

La Push was one of our biggest rivals. It was a school on a reservation about an hour away from us. The competition, though fierce, was also very friendly. After games, players from both teams tended to congregate at parties on the beach. I hadn't gone to one in a while, though I remembered everyone having a great time.

"So, I guess you'll be at the games this year," Jess teased me.

"Hey, I always go to home games," I defended.

Edward looked surprised to hear that.

"Really?" He sounded like he didn't believe me.

"Yeah. I mean I sit in the nosebleeds usually, but I go if I can."

"_You_ would sit at the top."

I frowned at his tone.

"What does that mean?"

He just laughed and shook his head.

"I'll make sure you have a _good_ spot this time."

"I happen to like sitting up top." I countered feeling a little defensive. "I feel like I can see stuff better. Plus, people aren't tripping over you trying to get in and out of the bleachers."

His deep laugh gave me light chills.

"Okay Bella. Sit wherever you want."

The way he said it, I could tell the conversation wasn't quite over.

We spent the rest of lunch talking about the upcoming game and before I knew it, it was time for class. Edward and I walked in together, Angie was staring us down, hard.

"Hey Angie."

I plopped down in my usual seat beside her. Edward went towards his friends on the opposite side of the room.

"You're killing me. I almost skipped Journalism to find you."

I laughed knowing how much she really wanted to talk about this.

"Hey, it's not my fault you decided to take an extra class. But if you're free we can talk after school."

She nodded her head, but I could tell she was just a little put out at having to wait longer.

And it wasn't so bad.

The class flew by, and so did the rest of the day really.

When I came out to the parking lot, I saw she was already waiting for me.

"Okay spill." She demanded.

"Not right here, Angie. How about we go for a frostie and talk at the park?"

I could see the wheels turning, but she sighed and agreed. I knew she wouldn't turn down the prospect of a milkshake.

It wasn't long before we found ourselves sitting on the swings at Oakwood park, frosties in hand. It was usually deserted and today was no different.

"Okay, before I say anything, I need you to know this is on lockdown." We told many secrets to each other over the years, but something on lockdown was big. Important. Meaning, no matter how badly you might want to, you could never share that secret with anyone else.

Her eyes widened, but she nodded.

"So, the first thing you should know, is that Edward and I, we aren't real." I told her carefully.

The confusion in her face told me I was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

"What do you mean by 'not real'?"

I sighed.

"I mean, it's not a real relationship. We have an agreement."

Her brows furrowed.

"What, like a sex contract?"

I couldn't help the laugh that burst forth.

"No. Not like that. I mean we aren't really dating. I agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend."

Her eyes were so big it was almost comical.

"What?"

I guessed I was going to have to start over.

"You know Mike has been bothering me a lot lately." She nodded her head, though I could tell the change of subject threw her completely. "Well Thursday he sort of cornered me and things got tense. I was trying to get him to leave me alone, so I said I was dating someone. He thought that someone was Edward. Then Friday, I find out he told the whole school."

She was following, but still not quite understanding.

"Edward and I talked about it. He said we could just pretend to date so that Newton would leave me alone."

Angie shook her head, in an action I'm sure was to try to figure out what was happening.

"Wait, let me get this straight. Mike told people you and Edward were dating so you and Edward decided to pretend it was true, because… Actually, I'm still not clear on that."

I nodded.

"Well, it's a little complicated. Friday Mike cornered me again. It was… scary. I actually punched him and he was about to hit me when Edward just pounced on him. And I don't know Ange, it was just, _really nice_. I felt like I owed him. And he mentioned having a 'girlfriend' would help him out."

Angie was quiet for minute.

"What does he get out of it?"

"According to him, having me around helps him keep away unwanted attention too. Apparently, he has issues with girls hitting on him, and guys getting jealous over it. I'm his out, so to speak."

She didn't say anything for a long time.

"And you believe that?"

That was fair enough.

I wasn't sure what I believed.

"I… I don't know. It's so strange. I wouldn't think he's care about stuff like that, but here we are. I mean why else would he agree to this?"

"Maybe because he actually likes you and wants to for reals date." Her tone told me all of that was obvious.

I scrunched my nose at her.

"I don't think so."

She gave me knowing eyes.

"Is this about what you overheard in the eighth grade? Because that was a long time ago Bella."

I didn't want my feelings to be hurt, but they were.

"I know. It _shouldn't _matter anymore; I really get that. But it does. I mean the shit he said, it killed me Ange. And I just don't see how his opinion of me would have changed all that much. I can't let myself believe it either."

Her eyes were sad as she looked at me.

"Bella, this isn't pretend if you _do_ have feelings for him. If you really don't think his feelings have changed, what do you think is going to happen at the end of the year, or whenever this is over? Are you going to be able to walk away without it hurting you? Because I remember when we met. I remember how torn up you were over him. I don't want to see that happen again."

She was totally right.

"I don't know, it's different this time. I don't have those young girl fantasies that we're soul mates anymore. I do like him, but it's not the same as before. It's just purely sexual tension. I can admit that. He freaking turns me on, but that's it. I'm not lying awake wondering if we're gonna be together forever. I'm just thinking about boning him… a lot."

Ange cracked half a smile at me.

"I can't say I'm not worried for you. But you know I've been saying for years that you two need to get together, if nothing else then just to resolve the stuff between you. Maybe it will work out okay."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed, so happy to have her support.

"Thanks Ange. I really needed to tell you all this."

She gave me a sweet smile in return.

"Okay now it's your turn to spill!" I poked her in the side, and she blushed bright red.

And just like that we were chittering like little girls. She told me all about how Ben made her feel, their first kiss (so cute!). My heart was so full it could burst.

I could see she found someone that really liked her. Someone who found her fascinating and worth every second they spent together.

A very tiny part of me was envious that I didn't have that, but mostly I was just glad for her.

It was late when we finished our talk, but at least she went home with a dreamy smile on her face.

I went home with tension building in my stomach.

I ignored the fact that my dad wasn't home as I made my way to my room. I didn't bother turning on the light, but I couldn't help myself from glancing out the window.

Edward's light was on, and he was sitting on his bed, phone in hand.

He looked deep in concentration as he sat there.

I stood there watching, wondering what was on his mind.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there, but the chime of my phone made me jump. I was surprised to find it wasn't from Ange telling me she made it home. But rather it was from an unknown number.

_**Spying isn't polite, remember?**_

I felt my body freeze and I looked up again. Edward was now standing at his window, staring at me.

_**It's not my fault you leave your curtains open for anyone to look in.**_

He grinned reading my message.

_**Does that mean if I start taking off my clothes you won't turn away?**_

I felt heat rush in my cheeks. And I couldn't help but stare as he slowly stripped for me.

I could clearly see as his muscled bunched pulling his t-shirt over his head. My eyes roved over every scrumptious looking muscle on his torso. I didn't stop watching as he ever so slowly undid his belt and slid his pants down to step out of them. His boxer-briefs accentuated his muscular thighs and what appeared to be a growing erection.

I was practically panting just looking at him.

My phone dinged again.

_**Your turn?**_

Fuck.

Why not.

Considering how he teased me, I decided to toy with him. I grabbed my shirt pulling it over my head with aching slowness. Then popped the button on my pants, dragging them down my hips and thighs. When I stood in nothing but my underwear, I looked back to him.

He looked hungry.

_**Fuck, you look good.**_

Knowing I was too close to taking this further, I spread my arms wide stepping closer to the window. His eyes darted back and forth taking me in. Then without warning, I slammed my curtains closed.

My phone dinged immediately.

_**That was dirty Swan.**_

I grinned.

_**Yes it was. Sweet dreams Edward.**_

I knew I would pay for that stunt, but I still went to bed with a smile on my face.

**AN: Mwahahaha, sassy Bella is my fav. Oh, the tension. Whatever will happen next?**

**Thanks to all the wonderful peeps that gave reviews and liked this story! **


	8. Ch 8: Uncomfortable Questions

**Ch 8: Uncomfortable Questions**

The rest of the week at school was easy. Edward had taken to walking with me between classes and we alternated sitting with his friends and mine. I was only a little surprised I enjoyed spending time with them. I hadn't thought they were bad people, I guess I just hadn't thought much of them at all.

They were as close as it got to having 'cool kids' in our tiny town. I mean everyone mingled across groups, so there wasn't much of a separation. Even though the group was mostly comprised of cheerleaders and football players, standard stereotypes didn't exist much. We had jocks like Edward on the honor roll, and Rosalie, last year's homecoming queen, was on the debate team.

Still they commanded a certain level of attention that other groups of students didn't necessarily receive. And there was the occasional snotty person that thought they were better than everyone else.

On the whole though, it was fun to spend time with them.

"So, do you have a thing for PB&J or something?" Rose asked the question, confusing me thoroughly.

"Mhhphf?" I questioned around a mouthful as I looked across the table at her. I could tell my bad manners amused her.

"Bella, you're supposed to bite then _swallow_." Emmett told me laughing.

"Sorry Em, I just like to savor the flavor, really hold it in my mouth before I swallow you know." I told him suggestively. His barking laugh made me smile.

I could almost sense the eye roll Edward was giving us. I ignored him though.

"Oh jeeze, you two. Every time." Rose gave us an exasperated look. We giggled like children.

I liked Emmett's inappropriate, yet somehow five-year-oldish humor.

"What's wrong with PB&J? It has almost all the major food groups in one thing." I informed her.

She shook her head laughing.

"Nothing's _wrong_ with it. But you literally eat the same thing every day. Doesn't it get old?"

It was an innocent comment. There was nothing malicious or mean spirited about it. And yet, instinctively I felt defensive.

They didn't know my dad hadn't held a stable job in over a year. Though the house was paid off, his income barely covered monthly expenses after his booze habit. That I worked part-time to save money for college, but also to buy groceries when dad came home with beer instead of bread.

I wasn't destitute by any means, but I was doing my best to save up enough to get out. The less I spent on non-essentials the more would be waiting in the bank for me.

So sometimes that meant I ate PB&J for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

But they didn't know any of that.

Feigning a smile, I shrugged and took another bite of my sandwich.

Strangely, I felt Edward looking at me. As if he knew something made me uncomfortable.

"You guys have some cool cheers for game tonight?" I asked trying to steer the conversation away from me.

"Of course!" Rose exclaimed. "Alice and I have been working hard to come up with some new routines. I think y'all are gonna be surprised."

Alice was a tiny, pixie-haired girl that was also on the squad. We had actually been close friends in middle-school. But once her and Jasper, her boyfriend, started dating, we sort of fell out of touch. Then again, I had fallen out of touch with most of my friends as I transitioned to high school.

"Oh, it's going to be awesome!" Alice called from a little further down the table. I smiled at her enthusiasm. She had always been overly excited about everything; her bubbly personality could be overwhelming at times.

"Sweet. I'll be cheering for you really loudly."

Emmett guffawed at my comment. We all gave him looks.

"You're going to _cheer_, for _cheerleaders_? Does no one think that's funny?"

I laughed.

"I guess it is. But someone should cheer for them. I mean they work harder than you do Em." I gave a light pat to the back of his hand.

His offended look had everyone laughing. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Better get your woman under control E."

I laughed loudly.

"Let's be real, Rose has you so whipped I'm surprised you're not wearing a dog collar."

His mouth dropped open and the guys at the table 'oooo'd at my comment.

I help up one of my carrots pretending it was a treat.

"Oo, does someone want a carrot? Roll over, come-on, you can do it boy." I taunted him. He crossed his arms and pouted.

"I changed my mind, I don't like her. She's mean." He told Edward, who laughed in return.

"Hey you started it. Gotta be prepared to take it, if you're gonna dish it." Edward warned him.

Then in an action that was just totally Emmett, he suddenly snapped up and bit the carrot, taking it out of my hand.

I never laughed so hard in my life. We were all laughing at his antics.

"I stand corrected. You're more like a seagull that people fed too many times."

He chuckled.

"Maybe you'll think twice before you dangle carrots at me."

"You know, now that you say it, the thought of _dangling carrots_ doesn't sound too appealing." I told him scrunching my nose.

He laughed and shook his head.

"Put like that, I'd have to agree. But what do _you_ know about _carrots_, dangling or otherwise?" His tone made it evident he thought I was a virgin. Which was sort of surprising considering who they thought I was dating. And also, because it wasn't true.

I waggled a finger at him shaking my head.

"A lady doesn't talk about the_ carrots_ she's had." I zipped my lips and threw away the key.

"Mmhmm. Meaning you don't have anything to talk about."

I just laughed and ate my carrots.

The rest of lunch was spent making sex jokes and talking about the upcoming game.

All in all, a good lunch.

When it came time for English, I was a happy to find out we would be working in our writing groups today.

As we made our way back the same oak tree spot, I wondered what we would wind up talking about. Danvers was letting us work at our own pace, so it was up to us to determine what we wanted to discuss and when.

I let myself fall comfortably in place against the trunk of the tree as I waited for Edward to do the same. I was surprised when he didn't sit down, but rather stood and paced.

Curious I watched and wondered what had him agitated.

"You okay?" I asked after a minute.

He stopped and slowly looked at me with a searching look that made my stomach flip.

"The PB&J thing at lunch. It bothered you. I was wondering why."

_Oh._

I felt my eyes widen, had he really picked up on that?

I wasn't altogether sure what to say as the unfiltered truth seemed like a lot.

"It caught me off guard. I didn't realize my food preferences were noticed." I said carefully. I didn't want to lie to him, but I wasn't sure I was ready to have that conversation.

Edward frowned.

"You don't have to lie to me Bella."

His words stung.

I looked at my shoes my brows furrowed.

"I wasn't lying."

My voice sounded small to my ears and I hated it.

"Fine. You evaded the question."

He had me there.

I played with my shoelaces.

"Maybe because it isn't something I want to talk about."

It was silent between us for a long moment.

I could feel his eyes on me. Burning with questions.

"It is really that big of a deal?"

Feeling frustrated I looked up at him.

"Sometimes money is tight, so I eat a lot of PB&J's. If you're trying to make me feel like shit about it, congratulations, you've succeeded. Can we drop this now?" was my very annoyed reply.

I could tell my answer surprised him. That whatever he thought I was going to say, that wasn't it.

He sat down with a loud plop.

"Fuck Bella." He dragged a hand through his hair, like he always does when he's feeling frustrated. "I didn't know. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

I could tell he was being genuine. It made me feel marginally better.

"Look, it's really not a big deal. I'm not going hungry or anything. I just do what I can to help. And I really don't want to talk about this. Can we please change the subject?"

I saw the conflict in his eyes.

He wanted to know more, and I was asking him not to push.

"Okay." I felt myself relax a little. He was silent again for some time. "Would you tell me something else then?"

I felt my head tilt as I waited.

"Are you a virgin?"

Of all the things he could have asked that was not something I expected.

"Why do you want to know?"

He seemed to think on it a second.

"It's something a real boyfriend would know. Today at lunch I realized we had never talked about it before."

I guessed I could see the logic there.

"So you need to know, because it helps us pretend better?" I asked for clarification.

"I just wasn't sure how to respond today. And honestly I didn't think it would bother you to talk about it."

I waited a moment, eyeing him, trying to decide if I believed that. But he did have a point of sorts. It would be difficult to know when to step in or let me handle it, if the subject came up again. Knowing Emmett, it probably would.

"No. I'm not a virgin."

His surprise was evident.

"Really?" The note of disbelief was almost comical.

"Is it so hard to believe that someone wanted to have sex with me?" I asked cautiously, trying to understand his reaction.

"No. It's not hard to believe someone would want you, Bella. I'm just surprised _you _wanted them."

I frowned at his words.

"Because…?" I trailed off not understanding his logic.

He gave a strange laugh.

"Hell if I know. I'm just surprised." He paused a moment and looked at me curiously. "Who was it with?"

Did he really want to know all that?

"Not anyone you know."

He frowned.

"So, was it like a one-time thing?"

I could feel the heat on my cheeks at his line of questioning.

"No. Not exactly."

Spotting the color rising in my face, he gave me a raised brow.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, you have a penchant for asking uncomfortable questions today." I told him exasperated. He just looked at me. "What difference does it make?"

Many emotions seemed to flit across his face. I recognized I was in trouble when he settled on one.

_Desire._

"If you've only been fucked once it makes a _very_ big difference." His eyes flashed. "So I'm wondering when I get you alone, am I going to have to really take my time, or can I give it to you hard."

I'm fairly certain my heart stopped beating. And I had a decision to make.

I could act like his assumption of getting me alone was never going to happen and he was way off base for suggesting it.

Or…I go with it.

Decisions, decisions.

"It just so happens, I really like both."

His pupils dilated almost instantly. He reached out take a tendril of my hair in his fingers.

"How long has it been?" He inched nearer while lightly tugging on the strand.

"A while." I mentioned, eyes locked with his.

A smirk slowly formed on his face.

"How long is 'a while' exactly?"

I was unable to stop the eye roll.

"Summer camp after sophomore year." His smile grew a little bigger.

"Sounds like one hell of a summer camp."

I gave him a 'well-you-know' kind of look. When he laughed lightly, I could feel his breath on my face.

"It's been a while though. I'll definitely have to take my time with you."

Somehow that prospect was terrifying and delicious.

The thought of Edward taking his time, savoring every inch of my body made me want to fidget. I forced myself to keep still.

"As much as I'm loving this seduction, we do have an assignment." I told him with an arched brow. He gave me one in return.

"Here I thought that's exactly what we were working on."

Even, turned on as I was, he had the ability to make me laugh. He had always been good at that when we were younger.

"Sometimes you're just a little too much." I ruffled his hair, disheveling it even further. I could tell my switch to a playful stance had surprised him.

He seemed to consider me thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked after a moment.

"Will you actually be at the game tonight?"

_Odd change of topic._

"I was planning on it. Is there a reason I shouldn't be?"

He shook his head.

"No. Just checking." Sometimes I really couldn't keep up with his logic. "You gonna sit in the back?"

"I don't know. Is there somewhere girlfriends are supposed to sit?" I wondered aloud.

His sudden laugh had me curious about what it was I was missing.

"I think you forgot to tell me the joke."

The crookedness of his smile made me want to kiss the corner of his mouth.

I resisted.

Barely.

"You're one of a kind, Bella."

I'm sure my face was very confused.

"Ookayy. When you decide to stop talking in riddles I'll be here. Ya know, planet Earth, where people can't read minds."

He laughed again.

"If you could, would you want to read mine?"

_What an interesting prospect._

Would I want to know what went on in that gorgeous head of his?

_Hmm, probably sex. Lots and lots of sex._

"No." I decided. He seemed taken aback by my answer.

"Curiouser and curiouser." He tapped the end of my nose.

All this physical contact was not so great for my current predicament.

"Yup, I'm a real Alice. Speaking of rabbit holes, was there a point to any of this?" He rolled his eyes and leaned back, giving me some much-needed space.

"For someone so open minded you have a real issue with the unknown."

Part of me wanted to be offended, but there was some truth to that statement.

"I don't like games." I said carefully. "It's too easy to misunderstand what people want. And I just think it's better to be upfront about it."

He gave me an appreciative look.

"What do _you_ want Bella?" He seemed interested. Truly and genuinely.

The question gave me pause.

I took a deep breath, thinking it over.

"Sometimes I don't know." I looked over the field at the other pairs chatting. "Do you ever just… wonder what other people's lives are like? They make it look so easy. That their biggest worry is what to wear to Prom. But… I guess you never know what's going on. Maybe it isn't so great."

When he was silent, I turned to find him looking at me deeply.

"What?"

He watched my eyes attentively.

"I'd ask what _your_ biggest worry is, but you wouldn't tell me would you." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No. Probably not. Would you?" I'd be surprised if he would.

"No, I guess not."

A silence settled between us that made me feel we were on the edge of something important. And I felt just a step toward him would shatter me.

I wasn't ready for that yet.

"So, back to my original question. Is there somewhere I should sit tonight?"

I could tell he wasn't happy I changed the subject. That I was running away from whatever it was we were heading towards.

"You can sit wherever you want." Something in his tone told me he meant something other than what he was saying.

"Okay. I'll probably sit with Ange in the back then." He nodded at me and I could tell whatever conversation we were having was pretty much over now.

Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.

**AN: Hey Guys! Sorry it took me longer to get this update out. This Corona virus has turned my life upside down (probably like everyone else) Things seem like they are calming on my end now, so hopefully I can get more content out soon.**

**Thanks for all the amazing support with reviews, follows, and favs. It's been awesome to see how much y'all are liking my story so far! **


	9. Ch 9: Game Time

**Ch 9: Game Time**

"Ugh, I knew I should have made you get your own." Angie slapped my hand away as I stole another boiled peanut.

"But, it tastes better when it's yours." I told her innocently as I snagged another.

She laughed while attempting to give me a severe look. I pouted in return.

"Fine. You can have some. But if you eat them all, you have to get me more," she warned me. I was fine with that compromise.

"Fair enough. Where do we want to sit? Back left or right?" I eyed the stands trying to see which side was less crowded. We had just gotten our food and now we needed seats. Kickoff was in ten.

Angela's laugh had me turning to her confused.

"What?"

She shook her head.

"We're not sitting in the back."

"We're not?" I asked confused.

"No, silly. We're gonna sit in the front. You know, where the players girlfriends sit? So they can sneak kisses in-between plays?"

And there it was.

The joke I had been missing from my conversation with Edward earlier.

"Well, shit. I didn't know we had assigned seats." I told her grumpily as I followed her to the bleachers.

She laughed at my pouting.

"I'm surprised no one else mentioned it. But yeah, it's a good spot. Plus, we'll be right in front of the cheerleaders so we can see their performance better."

I was sure Rose would love that. We had gotten to be decently well acquainted over the last week that Edward and I had been 'dating'.

It was strange to think we had only been pretending for a week. It seemed so much longer than that. Maybe it was because we had been partners in class for much longer, or our shared history. Either way, I felt much closer to him than I would have expected for only having spent the past week in close contact.

As we took our seats near the front with the other girlfriends, I scanned the field for 'my' player. He was talking with some team mates on the sidelines. I was sure they were getting geared up for the start.

"Ugh, he's _too_ gorgeous. I can't believe you're _dating_."

The voice brought my head up. A girl with flaming red hair told me just a few feet down. Her name was Victoria, and for the life of me I wasn't sure if I had ever even spoken to her before.

Uncertain of what to say, I just shrugged.

This did not seem to deter her. She moved closer to Angie and I.

"I mean we've all heard about it now, and of course you sit at lunch together. But it's so strange to see him _with_ someone."

I was picking up on some undertones that I knew were meant to irk me. Unfortunately for her, I didn't bother so easily.

"Yeah, he's not really the pin down type." I could tell my unworried tone got to her a little.

"So it doesn't bother you?"

I shrugged easily.

"Not really. It's high school." As in who was really going to find their soul mate at this point in life?

Except maybe Angie.

"I mean almost all of us have had a go at him, but I imagine everyone thinks they'll be the one that gets to keep him. No one ever does."

That did annoy me.

I didn't give a shit who he had fucked before, though now I was questioning his taste. But I did care that someone was speaking about him like he was a toy for playing with.

"I'm not interested in keeping trophies. But thanks for the advice." My tone wasn't quite rude, but it was riding the line pretty hard.

Her frown was immediate. Then she turned a nasty smile towards Angie.

"And you're dating Cheney right?"

Angela gave a timid nod. I was starting to get really annoyed with this chick,

"He's… _sweet_." Her tone implied exactly what she thought of Ben. "A little shy for my taste. Makes a girl feel like he has something to hide. And his nickname of course, _teeny_ Cheney."

I wasn't sure what game she was trying to play but I didn't like it.

"You're dating James, right?" I asked cutting in.

She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah." Her tone was bored.

"Didn't he go to juvie? You're really interested in dating someone who assaulted a poor dude in the parking lot?"

Her face hardened.

"That's not how it happened. It was self-defense."

I gave her a knowing look.

"Against an old man? Maybe before you come over here judging who we're dating, you should consider your own situation."

Her face turned almost the same color as her hair.

"You're just a stupid cunt. We all know Edward is only dating you as a bet he made. At least I'm not so pathetic that I fuck the first guy who asks me out."

Her lie was so outrageous I just laughed.

"Vic, you don't know shit about my situation with Edward, and I can promise you, your lies have zero effect on me. So why don't you save whatever bit of dignity you have left and walk away?" My voice had taken on a threatening edge. She was just a little punk and I wasn't afraid to knock a bitch out.

"There a problem here?" A voice cut in beside me.

Victoria's face altered slightly with fear as she saw Rose.

"Whatever. You're not worth it." She tossed us one last glare before stomping off.

"Don't pay her any mind. She's just mad Edward turned her down before you guys got together."

So she had made that part up too.

"It's no big. I already knew she was just looking to cause trouble."

Rose looked a little relieved, I wondered if she really thought Victoria would have caused issues with me and Edward.

"What are you doing up here? Don't you have a game to get to?" I asked playfully.

"Just checking on my girl." She gave me a big smile and it was nice to know she thought of me that way. "No one messes with the clan."

I laughed a little.

"Yeah it's probably good you stepped in, I was just itching for a reason to smack her."

Rose giggled.

"I could tell. Well I'm glad you're here! I'll come up and chat with you later. See ya Bella, Angie."

And just like that, she was hopping over the rail back to her side of the playing field.

I turned to Angie who was giving me a look. I knew whatever was on her mind, it couldn't be good.

"You know this thing with Edward is getting pretty deep already."

Didn't I know it.

"Yeah. I guess it is."

Her lips twisted in concern.

"I love that you've been happier, but I'm worried about all of this Bella. You're making friends and I don't know, it just seems like it's affecting more people than you thought it would."

She had a point. I never thought people would start to become invested in us. Rose coming to make sure I wasn't run off by Victoria was proof that of that.

"You think I should break it off with Edward?" Only a week in and that prospect made my stomach hurt.

Angie sighed.

"No. I really don't. I'm just worried about you. And part of me wants it to be real too."

I thought about her words for a moment.

"Maybe it isn't real dating, but it is a real friendship. And that's more than what we've had in a while. I'm okay with it."

At least I hoped I was.

She nodded her head.

"Hey, don't worry. You're my number one. And as long as I have you, nothing else matters." I nudged her slightly. It made her smile.

"Alright, alright." She playfully swatted me back.

Turing my attention back to the field, I noticed Edward was looking over at us. I gave him a wave and blew a kiss for good measure. Even from far away I could tell he was amused.

He seemed to be over whatever was bothering him before.

And now it was time for kickoff.

I watched the game, surprised to find that I hadn't ever noticed how the players moved before. I had seen them make plays plenty of times, but now that I was paying attention, I realized there was a sort of grace that went into it.

And Edward. Man, he was nice to watch.

He was the fastest on the field and watching him run was really a pleasure. He looked so focused and driven I couldn't imagine anyone getting in his way.

I found myself holding my breath when players came at him from the side to tackle. But he dodged them neatly, almost effortlessly.

I cheered louder than I ever had before. My voice was going to be crap the next day.

When half time rolled around, it was time for the cheerleaders to shine. The performance was spectacular. Some of the flips and tosses had my eyes widening in complete fascination. It must take a lot of courage to have someone throw you around like they did.

After they finished their routine, Angie and I shouted as loud as we could. It wasn't long before Alice and Rose came to meet up.

"Guys, that was amazing!"

Rose bowed and Alice curtsied.

"Thank you, thank you. My adoring fans." Rose held a hand to her heart as she spoke. We laughed.

"Seriously, that was cool. Y'all look like you belong at those fancy competitions."

Alice was absolutely beaming.

"Really? We choreographed the whole thing! That was a warmup one. For La Push, its gonna be even better."

I couldn't imagine what they had in store, but I was stoked to be able witness it.

"Pretty sure I'd shit myself if someone threw me in the air like that." I commented.

"If you shit yourself, I don't think anyone would catch you." Angie returned making me laugh.

"Good point."

We all grinned.

"So there's gonna be a party at my place later. All the players usually go, and of course you're both invited if you want to come." Alice put in.

"Oh sweet. Yeah sounds like fun." I offered. Angie nodded her head.

"Sure. I'd love to go."

"Perfect! Well, we really just came to say hi and tell you about the party. We need to run grab a drink before we head back out."

We nodded, understanding.

"Life of a cheerleader. All work no play." I told them with a 'sad' tone. They laughed.

"Isn't that the truth! Okay well, we'll see you later!"

We waved them off as they left the stands.

"I can't believe we're going to an after party." Angie said after a moment, to which I laughed.

"We've been to parties before." I reminded her.

She shook her head.

"Yeah, but it's different this time. We're part of the '_in_' crowd. Specially invited by cheerleaders." I found her fascination with the whole thing to be both endearing and amusing.

"A party is a party no matter who you are. It's not gonna be that different." I warned her.

"Ugh, stop killing my buzz."

"How are you being a buzz kill today, Swan?"

Surprised, I turned to see Edward and Ben standing on the other side of the fence looking over at us.

"When am I not?" I replied.

Edward laughed.

We stood and came to them since they technically weren't supposed to leave the field.

"Here I thought you were enjoying yourself." His eyes twinkled.

"Actually, I was. _Shocking _I know."

His hands came out to grip my sides and pull me in close.

"Watching me Swan?" he whispered in my ear sending chills coursing through me. Had I been that obvious?

I leaned down to his ear in return.

"I was. Got a problem with that Cullen?" Just for shits and giggles, I nipped at his lobe. I was rewarded with a low groan.

His hungry eyes met mine.

"Get a room!" Ben shouted at us. I looked over to see Angie was just as cuddled up to him as I was to Edward.

"Look who's talking." I gestured to their obvious proximity. Angie stuck her tongue out at me.

"Careful. I might bite it." I warned her with a wink.

"That would be hot to watch." Edward declared making Angie blush thoroughly.

I shrugged.

"Wouldn't be the first time we've kissed." That made her groan. Ben and Edward looked on in delight.

I advanced slowly towards her with a raised brow. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell into a perfect 'o'.

When I reached her, I placed both of my hands on her jaw. I could tell she was rooted in place with confusion and maybe just a hint of exhilaration.

Then, without warning I smacked a loud kiss to her cheek.

"Ugh, Bella!" She rubbed the spot with the back of her sleeve. I gave an evil laugh before turning back to the guys.

"What, you didn't think I was going to _really _kiss her in front of everyone did you?"

Ben was looking just a smidge uncomfortable. As if his pants had suddenly grown too tight. Edward on the other hand was all fire.

The blaze in his eyes made my stomach flip in all the right ways.

"Tease." He scolded me.

I gave him an offended look as I walked back towards him.

"Not if I follow through later." I reminded him. To which Angie groaned loudly.

"_Bella_. You're going to have people thinking we're a thruple or something."

I laughed loudly at the concern.

"Babes, a thruple is three. Since there's four of us it would just be an orgy."

She smacked her head at my willful intent to misunderstand what she meant.

"You're the worst!" She turned to Ben. "Ignore her. She loves to embarrass me."

I nodded. It was very true.

"She's not lying." I agreed. The guys laughed.

"I think it's cute." Ben said, tucking a strand of Angie's hair behind her ear.

"Ugh, you're so sweet it's giving me a toothache." I teased him. But he only had eyes for Ange who was blushing again.

"You're such a brat." Edward joked, bringing my attention back to him.

"Yup." I let the 'p' pop.

He shook his head.

"Rose said you're coming to the party later." I nodded, surprised the news had traveled that quickly. She must have run into him after she left us.

"That's the plan, unless you have other ideas?" I winked.

"You're in a playful mood." He commented looking at me curiously.

I really was. After class had ended and I'd had time to think, I came to the decision not to fight whatever was going on between us. That I'd enjoy everything a lot more if I went with the flow rather than trying to control a hopeless situation.

Why not just make the most of it?

It lent me a sense of lightheartedness I hadn't felt in a while. It was very freeing.

"I guess I am. That a problem?"

He shook his head.

"Not if I can reap the rewards."

I exhaled a laugh.

"Maybe later."

His brow rose at my somewhat willing reply. He opened his mouth to say more when Tyler walked over.

"Hey. Coach wants us back, to talk through the second half."

Edward rolled his eyes and we both glanced at the score board.

"You'd think since we're winning by thirty points, he'd more chill." I commented.

Ben shrugged.

"Can't get complacent. Bigger comebacks have happened."

I guessed he had a point.

"Well, for luck then." I leaned down and gave Edward a deep kiss. His lips were soft and firm all at once. I forgot how nice it felt. I nipped his bottom lip as I backed away, making myself have at least a little self-control.

"Damn. Wanna pass some luck this way?" Tyler commented. Edward growled, causing Tyler to laugh and back away slowly.

I squeezed his butt and gave it smack.

"Go get em' tiger."

I could tell he was both amused and confused by my actions, but he backed away with a smile.

"Don't say it." I warned Ange as we sat down.

"Wasn't gonna."

She knew exactly what I was referring to. Getting too deep. Too attached.

The game had barely restarted when my phone started buzzing.

Curious, I opened it up.

When I saw the number, my stomach sank.

"Hey, I gotta take this. I'll be back." I told Ange as I left to find a quieter place to speak.

Taking a calming breath, I opened my phone.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Bella, its Waylon."_

He didn't have to say more. I already knew.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

His heavy sigh was audible.

"_Sorry. See you soon."_

I hung up the phone and closed my eyes tightly. Sometimes I wanted to just disappear.

I took another steadying breath before making my way back to Angie. She could tell something was wrong.

"Hey, what's up?" Her concern was evident.

"I have to go. I'll text you later."

She gave me sad look.

"Your dad?"

I nodded a little curtly.

"You gonna make it to the party still?"

Fuck if I knew.

"Not sure. I'll let you know." I half turned away, then twisted back. "Don't say anything to Edward okay?"

Her gentle nod made me feel like crap, but there wasn't much to be done.

"Later."

I left, not even glancing at the field.

Somehow, even without looking, I knew Edward was watching and I didn't want to face him right now.

I just needed to get this over with.

**AN: Hmmm Bella has a lot going on. Maybe Edward can keep up. And will she make it to the party.. only time will tell!**

**Thanks peeps for those reviews! Keep em' comin **


	10. Ch 10: Need

**Ch 10: Need**

**~Edwards POV~**

Whatever was going on between Bella and I had me thoroughly confused.

She could be so open and closed all at the same time. How the hell was I supposed to deal with that?

I snagged a beer from the kitchen as I made my way through the sea of people. Everyone was talking about the game, still congratulating us on the win. Dancing had broken out in the living room, and various forms of beer pong were in play. I bypassed all of it, making my way outside where it was less crowded.

My eyes scanned for her, again.

I had only done so about every five minutes for the last hour and a half.

I had seen her leave in the middle of the game. At first, I thought she might be coming back, but as the game went on, I realized that wasn't the case.

When I'd questioned Angela about it later, she had given the vague 'something came up' routine and I knew she wasn't going to say more. Part of me wondered if she even knew more than that.

What was with Bella?

She was giving me so many different signals I really couldn't keep up.

I was surprised she had even let me in during class today. The wall she built so high around herself fell just a fraction and I got to see a peak of what was on the other side.

Of course, I felt like an ass about it. Fuck if I knew she had money problems.

The look of repressed shame in her eyes after admitting she ate the same cheap thing every day to save money made my stomach hurt. No one deserved that kind of life.

I threw myself down into a chair around a mostly deserted fire as I thought about it.

How could I live next door and not realize they were struggling?

On the outside it didn't seem so bad. Their house looked well kept, but then again, I usually saw her out on weekends cleaning or fixing things. At the time I'd just thought it was hot. Now I was questioning the reasoning behind it.

Her words from earlier came back to me. That sometimes she wondered what it would be like to have someone else's life. But you couldn't always tell from the outside if it would be any better.

Was that her life?

The sort of well-kept appearance, but falling apart on the inside?

She's said she was fine, so maybe I was making too much out of it. The problem was I didn't know. I hadn't _really_ known her in so long, it was hard to tell if she was lying or not.

She didn't really seem like the lying type. The evading, sassy, defensive type, most certainly. But I could tell she'd have a hard time not being genuine to people that meant something to her.

I wanted to be one of those people.

Her financial situation aside, I had been surprised at how close we were getting today. That she admitted she wasn't a virgin. I almost couldn't believe it. If she had slept with any guy in town, I would have known about it. There was just too much talk for me not to have found out.

Though I was taken aback at first, I didn't really feel too jealous about it. Whoever she had been with obviously wasn't that important or their last time fucking wouldn't have been almost two years ago. I supposed part of me did wonder who it was, and if they meant anything more to her than just a summer fling.

I just couldn't credit it considering how she had responded to me earlier. It didn't seem likely she was hung up on some guy. She wanted me. I knew it. Every signal she put out screamed it.

And fuck me if I didn't want to attend to her every desire.

Annoyed with myself, I went to take sip of beer, realizing I hadn't touched it yet. But even as I put the bottle to my lips I knew I didn't want it. I don't know why I even grabbed one. I almost never drank at these parties anyways.

It was too easy to do something dumb and wind up having shit posted about you later. While I certainly didn't care about my reputation, I didn't want anything to impact my getting into college later.

That was something else I liked about Bella. She never drank either.

If someone asked, she'd politely refuse. And if she was handed something, she would just take it and set it down later. I could tell she didn't care about the people around her drinking, and she'd never tell anyone not to. It made me wonder if she felt the same way I did about it; just afraid to do something that she'd later regret.

Sighing I dumped the beer out. I needed to get out of here. I was too annoyed with myself, and Bella to pretend I was having a good time.

It wasn't long before I was home. Nice thing about small towns, no one lived all that far apart.

I looked over to Bella's house seeing her car was in the driveway. It frustrated me. She could have at least texted to say she wasn't going to be around.

Part of me wanted to march over there, bang on the door and demand she talk to me about why she took off tonight. The stubborn part of me decided if she couldn't communicate then hell if I was going to barging over demanding her attention.

I wasn't that pathetic.

I hoped.

So, I went inside and did my best not to look back over. I wasn't in the house two minutes when a knock sounded on the door.

I felt my brows draw in wondering who it could be. It was past midnight and both of my parents were out of the house for the weekend.

Admittedly I opened the door with a little more force than necessary, surprising myself and Bella who happened to be on the other side.

She had jumped slightly and was holding a hand to her heart.

I couldn't see her face well in the dark of the porch, but I could at least tell she was startled.

"What do you want?"

My voice was low, and maybe just a smidge hostile.

She didn't seem deterred by it though.

"Hey. I know its late, I just came over to apologize. Probably could have waited till morning, but I just wanted to say it now. That's it though." And she was backing away, before I had completely registered everything she said.

Her voice sounded dead, and it bothered me a lot.

"Wait."

She stopped at the edge of the porch. Her back was facing me and there was definitely tension in her shoulders.

"Come back here."

My voice was much softer this time.

She turned slowly but didn't move back towards me.

"It's okay Edward. Its bad timing anyways. I really get it if you're pissed."

I felt the frown as it formed on my face.

"I'm…" I trailed off. I guess she was right. "I guess I am a little pissed." I admitted after a second.

She nodded her head slightly, hair shaking across her shoulders.

"Why didn't you just text me?"

I watched as her fists clenched against her side. She looked out across the lawn for a moment, before looking back at me. Her eyes sparkled slightly in what looked like frustration.

"I broke my phone."

That was unexpected.

"You broke your phone?"

_Dumb. _

What more was there to elaborate on?

She drug a hand through her hair.

"Its been a really shitty night Edward. I just came to say sorry."

Angry at her frustrated tone, I moved out of the doorway to advance on her. The light of the house no longer blocked by my back, filling the porch with light. As the beams landed on Bella, I felt my hiss of anger as I noticed the bruising on her face.

"What the hell?" I moved quickly to her and gently cupped her chin pulling her face towards me. Her eyes watched me cautiously as I inspected the area.

It wasn't a large bruise. Just a small smudge at the top of her cheek bone close to the corner of her eye. I smoothed my thumb over the area, drawing back when she winced.

"What the fuck happened?" She looked at me for a long time before she answered. As if she was debating on what to say.

"Wrong place, wrong time."

Evasive. Exactly her style.

It pissed me the hell off.

"What the fuck Bella? You disappear from the game, I get no message from you, then you show up on my door with a bruised face." My tone had taken on a nearly hysterical edge. The thought of someone hurting her made me quake with anger. "Who hit you?" My voice was hard, demanding.

She shook her head.

"It was an accident."

I couldn't help my scoff.

"Bullshit." I watched as her hands clenched furiously at her sides.

"God, you're such a dick. It was an _ac-ci-dent_." She annunciated every syllable of the word. "I fell down the fucking stairs, okay. And I didn't call or text because I happened to break my phone in the process."

She threw her hands up in frustration.

Her words felt genuine, but there seemed to be something she wasn't saying.

"So you're trying to tell me that after you mysteriously leave the game you just happened to fall, fuck up your face, and break your phone?" My tone was harsh.

"That's what happened, what else do you want me to say?" She nearly yelled.

"Why did you leave?" I wasn't budging an inch.

Her jaw set in a hard line.

"Don't come over here with some bullshit and not expect me to question the big gaps in your story. I'm not a fucking idiot Bella."

She let out an aggravated breath.

"Actually you might be. Because I told you the truth and you just don't want to believe it. Guess what Edward? Shit happens! And for whatever reason it fucking happened to me. Why are you even so mad anyways? Why do you even fucking care?"

And just like that something in me snapped.

I grabbed her arms, pushing them against her sides and crushed her to me. My mouth came down over her hot, wet, and totally ravaging. I put every bit of anger I was feeling into a searing kiss. When I pulled away, I was turned on and still pissed as hell.

"Tell me again I don't care." I gritted out.

She looked equally pissed and aroused as she eyed me.

"I never said you didn't care. I just don't understand why you do." Her words were still angry.

"Christ Bella, we're friends! You think I can look at you and not give a shit that someone obviously hurt you?" I shouted back.

"For the last fucking time, it was an accident!" So much heat was coming off of her, so much anger. It drove my arousal higher seeing the fire in her eyes.

"Lie to me again and I will fuck you senseless."

I have no idea where the threat came from. Obviously. I wasn't going to follow through with it, but seeing her pupils dilate made my dick strain against my pants.

"As much as I might want you to fuck me right now, I'm not lying. I don't lie." Her words held a sincerity that was iron clad. And I relented that maybe there had been an accident of some kind. But my head was more caught up on the other part of what she said.

"You want me to fuck you?" The surprise in my voice was evident.

With no hesitation in her eyes she nodded.

This was it. This was one of the moments I had been waiting for. But I was still angry, and though I was beginning to believe her story, I knew she wasn't telling me everything.

"I'm still angry with you. If I fuck you now, I'm not sure I can hold back." The warning was there. If she agreed, it wouldn't be soft, it wouldn't be tender.

"Good, because I'm pissed. I want you to fuck me so hard I'm crying because I can't take anymore."

"Careful what you wish for." Without further hesitation, I scooped her up and carried her inside, slamming the door behind me.

She was pushing herself up in my arms, dragging my face down for another intense kiss. She was full of spirit, biting and sucking. Our tongues drew out to fight the battle we having, each giving as much as was receiving.

Somehow, we made it to my room.

I threw her on the bed roughly, watching as she bounced slightly.

The hunger in her eyes intensified as she watched me snatch my shirt over my head. Hers followed almost as quickly.

I pounced upon her, nibbling and licking every bit of exposed flesh on my exploration to her breasts. When I made it to the black lace, I clamped my mouth over her hard. Her head threw back pushing into me firmly.

"Fuck!" she panted, twisting her hands into my hair pulling it tightly. Her hardened nipple poked through the fabric and I sucked relentlessly as she cried out my name. And when I felt she couldn't take it anymore, I assaulted her other breast.

"Yes! Fuck! Edward, I need more." Her vocal, unabashed cries were driving me wild. She was so open, letting me play with her body as I wished.

"What do you want Bella?" I teased rubbing the along the top of her pants. She bucked her hips in my hand.

"I want you to taste me. No clothes." There was something erotic about the direct way she told me what she desired. The fire in our touch didn't die as I stripped away her clothes and mine, though I did stop for a moment to appreciate how fucking beautiful she was.

"God Bella. You're so god damn gorgeous. I'm not sure if I want to eat you or fuck you."

"Have a bite." She suggested spreading her legs to me. If I was feeling wild before it was nothing compared to how I felt now. Watching as she opened her thighs, exposing the hidden wet heat to me. My mouth was on her in seconds.

She moaned as my lips crashed against her labia. I teased them, suckling the flesh, pulling lightly. My tongue drew between her folds dancing around her sensitive nub. She cried out when I flicked over the flesh quickly.

I drove my mouth lower, tasting at last the pool of arousal that had gathered there. It was unlike anything I had tasted before.

She was sweet, but musky. Strong and just so fucking delicious I wanted to lap at her forever.

Encouraged by her writhing, my tongue delved inside seeking more.

"Oh God. I'll come if you keep doing that."

Though I had no intention of stopping, hearing those words solidified my actions. I pressed deeper, and kneaded her thighs while I held them apart. She bucked wildly under me, and when I felt her clench around my tongue, I pressed harder.

Her cries were loud and unchecked.

Only when the last off her orgasm faded, did I stop.

When I looked up, my cock twitched with unfettered anticipation. She was looking at me with need. A deep abiding need that impossibly made me want her more.

"My turn." Her wicked eyes flashed, and she was on me, pushing me back against the bed. I couldn't nor wanted her to stop as she poised her lips above the aching shaft between my legs.

Painfully slow, she took me in her mouth. The heat I found there was incredible, it made me want to buck into her. I resisted, knowing she'd gag if I tried. I fisted the bedsheets in my hands in an attempt to control myself as she worked my cock.

She sucked dick like a fucking pro.

Her curiosity was unchecked, her mouth surrounding, and her hands worked to take up the space she couldn't cover. Surprisingly, she took me far deeper than I would have expected, but it didn't seem to faze her.

She didn't look up, or try to make herself look sexy. She just went for it with such enthusiasm and focused attention that I was certain nothing could be hotter. Her focus was on me. Pleasing me. And by God she was accomplishing it.

My hands had worked their way into her hair, and I pulled slightly as I felt myself getting close.

"Bella, if you don't want this to be over yet, I suggest you stop."

She took me deep one last time before releasing me. I never wanted to fuck someone so badly in my life.

"Does that mean I won't be getting seconds?" Her arched brow almost had me laughing.

"It means, when I come the first time, I want to be deep inside of you."

I watched as goosebumps broke out across her skin and she gave me an almost feral look.

"Get a condom on, now."

I didn't have to be told twice. It wasn't seconds before I was ready for her.

"On your knees." I commanded. She obliged instantly.

I came up behind her, sliding her back against my chest, while her legs straddled mine. I lifted her hips to bring her center in alignment with my cock.

While I wanted to slam into her without hesitation, I knew I needed to give her a few seconds to adjust, so instead I slowly slid her down over me. We both moaned at first contact.

She was so fucking tight, and hot.

I gritted my teeth in an effort not to move too quickly

"Ed-ward!" She panted bucking back against me. "More!"

Her demand relieved me of my decision to go slow. She wanted more? I would be happy to deliver.

I picked up pace immediately by slamming her down on my cock. Her garbled cry told me it was exactly what she wanted.

So I gave her all that I had, pounding into her fiercely. She moved her body with me, attempting to take me deeper with every thrust. God this woman was amazing.

She felt too good and I was getting close already. Wanting to give her more I reached around with my free hand to rub just above her clit.

"FUCK!"

I kept up my ministrations working her flesh in every way I could. It wasn't long before I felt her walls contracting around me.

"Oh, oooh." She cried coming over my cock.

I rode out her orgasm, feeling mine not too far away. When her hands reached back to tangle in my hair, I felt the coil inside me snap. Grabbing her hips as hard as I could, I pushed her against me as I came. I continued to rock against her until I was completely spent.

Bella was still sprawled across me, her head laying back against my shoulder. I could feel both our hearts thundering, and was enraptured by the rise and fall of her breasts as she tried to catch her breath.

"That was…" Her voice trailed off and she gave a groaning hum. I agreed. What we had just done was all sorts of mhmm.

Still, I wasn't quite done. Seeing her against me was already turning me back on. I knew the exact second she felt it.

"Ohh," she groaned as I grew inside her. I knew she had to be feeling a little sore, so I flexed my dick feeling satisfaction when her breath caught.

I drew myself out of her, giving a light chuckle when she made a noise of protest.

"I'll be right back. Need to get a new condom."

She watched as I made haste with the task. Turning back to her, she was sitting back on her knees watching me.

"Like what you see?"

Her swallow was almost audible.

"I want to lick every inch of your fabulous fucking body." She stood and walked over to me. Her hands roved gently, the soft touch sending a wave of fire through me. She circled behind me, and dropped to her knees. I gasped a little, when her mouth found the mound of my cheek.

"Fuck, you have such a nice ass." She groaned and nipped again before sliding her hands up the back of my legs and cupped me from behind. God if that didn't feel fucking amazing.

"Lay on the bed."

I was putty in her very capable hands.

I laid back, arms cross behind my head and watched as she nestled between my legs.

It was erotic, watching her look at me. Watching her explore my skin, leaving no area untouched. She was neither hesitant or shy, but simply did what she wanted.

I had never been with girls like that before.

The ones that had been interested in touching me, constantly wanted to know if I was enjoying it. If I liked it. Not Bella. She was touching me because it was what _she_ wanted. What _she_ liked.

And that was one of the biggest turn-on's I'd ever experienced.

With a quick roll, I flipped our positions, pinning her beneath me. She gave a startled breath and looked at me curiously.

"I want to look in your eyes when I fuck you this time."

With that, I slid into her gently. Her hands came to my shoulders and she pulled, moaning as I worked in and out of her.

Her hips rose to meet my every thrust. And when I picked up pace, we both gasped at the intensity of the pressure.

"Oh, Edward." Her head tossed back on the pillow while she bit her lip. I took her mouth with mine, demanding her kiss. She kissed me back, this time with passion and soul rather than anger. It drove my desire higher, knowing she wanted me like this.

I felt her quivering beneath me as she neared her peak once again. Not holding back, I slammed into her, rubbing her clit with our bodies at I moved. She writhed frantically, arching for deeper contact, and when I gave it, she screamed out her climax. My own followed quickly after.

My arms were shaking as I held my body above hers. She startled me by pulling my arms apart causing me to collapse against her. Her arms wrapped around me as she hugged me fiercely.

I let my head drop to her neck and inhaled her scent. She hummed in satisfaction when I nuzzled her there.

"That was nice." She whispered out, her body flexing beneath me.

I propped myself up to look at her, surprised to find she was watching me, eyes still hungry. I grinned.

"It's not over yet."

**AN: Finally! I considered I was making them jump into bed too quickly, but what the heck? Why not? They want each other. It's just sex… **_**or is it**_**?**

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews guys! Its such great motivation seeing how much y'all want more. Stay tuned!**


	11. Ch 11: Working for the Weekend

**Ch 11: Workin' for the Weekend**

**~Bella POV~**

I felt myself slowly coming awake. My body tingled with warmth and I just wanted to snuggle in and not quite wake up yet.

The sound of soft breathing and the weight surrounding me was just too nice.

My brain started. _Breathing? Weight?_

My eyes flew open in confusion. Though there was minimal light, I could tell I wasn't in my room. Or my own bed.

Nor did I fail to recognize I was completely naked, and a very warm, also naked, man was spooning me.

The sputtering of my heart didn't have much time to take off when I remembered what happened last night.

_I was with Edward._

The thought made me giddy with excitement. Everything had been so wonderful with him. The way he took me, controlled me, and was still so willing to let me take charge too.

He'd had me orgasm what, _five times_? I tried to count, but one moment blended into the next and I all I could think was how the whole evening had been one giant climax.

I was getting turned on again just thinking about it. The way he had taken me from behind at one point. My head pressed down, ass in the air as he pounded into me. Or when I'd climbed on top and rode him with wild abandon.

I grinned knowing I was going to be sore as all get out today.

Only the thought of going back to my place had my mood dimming.

I rolled in the bed, wanting to forget about everything except the man who currently had me wrapped in his arms.

Looking at his face now, a deep part of me ached.

He was too freaking beautiful.

I traced the outline of his jaw, smiling when he twitched under my light touch. Tempted as I was to wake him, the clock on his wall told me it was only just after six in the morning. And we had only just fallen asleep maybe an hour ago.

I stifled a yawn as I attempted to sit up. Edward tightened his grip on me when he felt my resistance.

"E, I need to get up."

His brows drew in and a frown fell into place. I rubbed his cheek affectionately trying to soothe him. He only loosened his hands a fraction. I could have laughed.

In the end I wedged a pillow between us for him to hold on to instead of me. It worked decently. He only moved a little as I got up from the bed and dressed.

When I was ready to go, I debated the best way to handle my departure. It felt a little unfair to wake him up considering how little sleep either of us had gotten, but I also didn't want to just dip out without any explanation.

"Hey," I gently nudged his arm, smiling again when he grunted. "I have to head out."

He mumbled something unintelligible, making my lips quirk. He rolled towards me after a moment.

"Bella?"

I stroked the arm he had reached out upon seeing me hovering over the bed.

"I just wanted to let you know I have to go."

"Go?" he questioned his eyes unable to stay open.

"Yeah. I have to head out. You go back to sleep. I'll be back later, okay?"

He frowned, but nodded dutifully. I wondered how much of this he would remember later.

"Kay." The sleepy words drifted out as he relaxed back into the mattress. Unable to stop myself, I lightly petted his head, finding a wicked sense of delight when he hummed in happiness at the action.

Only when I felt he had fallen back asleep did I finally leave.

It was harder than I thought it would be. Leaving.

Heavens knew I wasn't a one-night stand kind of girl, but with Edward I gone into it knowing nothing would come of us. I couldn't regret what happened, but I was worried. How badly was this going to hurt if I kept trying to pretend I didn't feel something for him?

Because I did. A whole lot of something.

My walk back over to the house was slow as my mind questioned everything that happened. We were getting closer than I expected, as much as we would have in a real relationship. Or nearly as much. I found myself wanting to be with him more and more each day.

Last night, coming over to apologize had just been an excuse. I _was_ sorry to have left, but mostly I just wanted to see him. Wanted to be with him.

And when he threatened to fuck me… that had been unexpected. I should have been offended or shocked even. But I wanted him so badly, all it did was send hot chills racing through me. I leapt at the chance, walking into the fire willingly, allowing myself to burn like I never had before. Enjoying the heat, while it burned me to the ground.

And if I was being honest, I wanted to do it all over again.

I breathed deep, lifting my head to the sky. The sun had yet to rise, but I enjoyed the feel of the early morning breeze. A slight chill was in the air; fall was well on its way, bringing with it a relief from the southern heat.

All too soon I was back on my porch where reality was waiting for me.

I entered the house quietly, knowing dad was likely still passed out on the couch where I left him last night. Yet when I passed the living room on my way to the stairs, I couldn't help but notice the couch was empty.

He must have gotten up in the middle of the night.

At least I wouldn't have to help him up the stairs, _again_.

I touched the side of my cheek wondering how bad it looked.

I'd just go grab a shower and go about my day. Like always.

The wince at seeing myself in the bathroom mirror was unavoidable. Last night it was simply a small reddish smudge. Today it was dark purple, and spread from the corner of my eye, back toward my hairline.

I shook my head, knowing I'd have to dig through old makeup to find the concealer and foundation I never wore. It was going to hurt like a bitch putting it on though.

At least the shower was hot, feeling wonderful on my slightly aching body. I had noticed a few more bruises on my sides. I took consolation that those wouldn't be noticeable.

It felt all too soon that I had to leave the warm water and actually go get ready.

Much to my surprise, as soon as I left the bathroom, dad was standing there very much awake, and looking at me with more than a little concern.

His eyes were on my cheek instantly.

"Bella?" His voice was hoarse. I knew he was trying to remember what happened last night.

"Yeah dad?" I couldn't help but think how I could really use a cup of coffee right about now. And some clothes.

"What… what happened?" He stepped closer. I could still smell the booze on him from last night.

"I fell down the stairs." I told him simply and shrugged.

He looked doubtful.

"Did I.." his voice broke as he trailed off. The look he gave was so horrified, so guilt ridden.

"No." I told him softly. "It was genuinely an accident."

But the worry was still there. I sighed.

"I was trying to help you up the stairs, and you stumbled. We both lost our balance and fell. I hit my head on a step."

The guilt in his eyes intensified, making me feel worse.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I know I had too many." The pain in his voice tore me up. Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.

I wasn't sure what to say. While it wasn't the first time I had inadvertently gotten hurt, it was probably the first time he realized it. Usually I only sustained bruised toes as he stumbled over my feet, something he never would have noticed later.

"I'm fine. It'll heal in a few days. I really need to go get ready for work." I could tell he wanted to say more, but I was standing in the hallway with nothing but a towel on. It wasn't the best time to be having a conversation.

He closed his mouth and nodded.

"I'll see you later." I called to lessen the sting of my walking away. He nodded again before I disappeared into my bedroom.

I glanced over to Edward's involuntarily. His light was still off, and I wished more than anything I was still there with him.

…

"I need a break. If I have to review another piece of bad writing, I'm going to strangle someone." Dr. Elaine Smith announced rubbing her temples as she gave her laptop a frown of distaste. Her wild brown curls bounced around her nearly wrinkle free face, as she tapped her foot in frustration.

I couldn't help my smile.

"I guess we have been going for a while." I commented looking at the clock, seeing it was already past noon.

I worked as a part-time assistant of sorts for Dr. Elle, as she liked to be called. She worked for Mason University as an English professor. But she was also both chair and editor for her department. With so many responsibilities, she had needed assistance with some of the work. I had sent my resume to the university previously, while I was looking for jobs back in sophomore year. She had run across my profile and thought I'd be a good fit for what she needed.

Turns out, we worked amazingly together. More than once she offered to hire me on right out of high school to work full time. She also didn't hesitate to tell me, full time employees got free tuition. Sometimes, it was tempting.

"I think I'm restless today. It's so nice out." She looked longingly out the window which, in fairness, held an amazing view of the ocean. Though she was in easily in her fifties, her appearance was very well kept, and she looked nearly a decade younger. I considered how much of her youthfulness was owed to her playful attitude.

"I know. Fall is basically here. It'll be harder to work inside now." Most of the work we did was remote since I lived nearly an hour away. She'd email me a list of things to do at the beginning of each week, usually it consisted of papers to edit, or following up with authors on their progress. Nothing too hard, really. And I always did my best to deliver more than was expected.

Occasionally we met on weekends for the things that had to be done on site. Certain documents couldn't be emailed whether for privacy concerns or file size. While this was rarely a problem, Elle liked the face to face contact that was usually absent from our day to day interactions. It gave us both an opportunity to work through things that could be difficult to discuss over the phone. I rather liked it. But now that it wasn't so ungodly hot, I actually wanted to be outside.

"Why don't we call it a day. You already have everything you need from here. We can just pick up some of this stuff Monday."

That sounded amazing.

"I'm not gonna say no to that." I laughed, saving the rest of my work to the portable hard drive I would be taking with me. I finished packing up quickly and glanced over at Elle. She was almost done getting ready too. "Anything else you want me to do? I was gonna drop the mail off and restock the printer paper before I go."

"Oh, yes. Hold on a second. Where did I put…" she rummaged around a few drawers before her eyes lit up when she found what she was looking for. "Here it is!"

She pulled out a very nice, if old, cell phone, and my stomach twisted already knowing what she was about to do.

"Here. Take it." She handed it out to me. "It's been sitting in my desk for over a year and it still works great."

I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.

"You don't have to do that Elle. I can get myself a new one soon."

She gave me an arched brow that told me I wasn't about to win this argument.

"This isn't getting used by anyone and if I don't give it to you, its going to just keep sitting. Plus, this way you'll have something while you figure out what you want. And I won't have to worry that if you get a flat tire on the way home, you won't be able to call for help."

She knew me well enough that I couldn't argue with that logic. I was also pretty sure she purposefully didn't mention anything to do with money because she knew how uncomfortable it made me.

"Thank you." I took the phone graciously, knowing there was no other option. Her eyes turned watchful as she looked at my face.

"How is everything at home?"

Somewhat a blessing and oftentimes a curse, Elle had gotten to know me a lot better than I ever intended. Months after I had started working for her, I had an especially hard day. It was the first time dad had gone on a multi-day binger and I had no idea how to handle it. Elle found me sobbing over my desk when the pressure had gotten to be too much.

She never pressured me to talk about it, but she had been there and was understanding. I found myself telling her my dad was having a hard time, and that I was stressed out about it. We never went into particulars, but after that day I noticed she had become more vigilant around me. She checked in more frequently, and always made sure I felt I had someone to go to if I needed it.

It was nice she cared. I just couldn't ever bring myself to talk about it. There was one thing that I promised I would never do though. I would never lie to her.

"It's…okay. Good days and bad ones."

She eyed me for a long moment before nodding.

"Don't wait for there to be more bad ones than good."

I felt the weight of her words. The wisdom of them. My only concern was if it was already too late.

"I'll keep that in mind." It was the most she would get from me.

"Alright. Well if you don't need anything from me, I won't keep you from your Saturday any longer. Go be a teenager. Have some fun for once!" She encouraged with a smile, but I saw the seriousness in her eyes. And another warning. Life was supposed to be fun.

"Actually, I think I will."

And I had a certain individual in mind for just such an occasion.

**AN: Hmm, I wonder who Bella could possibly be thinking of… ;) Also, to the peeps worried about Charlie, I hope this chapter cleared that up.**

**Thanks for all the comments! Love seeing how you're enjoying the story :)**


	12. Ch 12: Second Helpings

**Ch 12: Second Helpings**

**~ Edward's POV~**

I was making a late lunch when a knock sounded at the door. Frowning, I turned the heat on the stove down to go see who it was.

Somehow, I was still surprised when Bella greeted me on the other side.

"Hey stranger," she smiled, eyes bright with a hint of mischief.

I leaned against the door jamb feeling more confused than ever.

I had woken up to an empty bed, no note, no text. Just a cold space and her retreating scent on my pillow. Part of me almost wondered if it had all been a dream. A very intense, elaborate dream.

But the hickies on my abdomen didn't lie. Nor did the panties I found tangled in my bed sheets.

I couldn't say how disappointed I had been she wasn't there. I wanted to wake with her in my arms. And, admittedly, I hoped last night was a turning point for us. Bella wasn't a one-time fuck kind of girl. The fact she trusted me enough to take her like I had, made me hope she felt more for me than she was letting on.

Waking up without her had been a cold bucket of water to the face though.

I would have confronted her about it too, only her truck was gone, and I had no clue where she was off to.

Yet here she was now.

"Hey." It wasn't the friendliest, but it wasn't particularly rude either. I saw the lightness in her face waver.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" Her brows were drawing in and I knew she was about to start backing away if I didn't make a move.

"No. Just making some lunch. Want to come in?" She was more hesitant than I would have liked, but she entered as I stepped aside. "I've got some stuff on the stove."

She followed me quietly to the kitchen. I took note of how she looked around. As if she was assessing. Comparing to what she once knew.

Without a word, she took a seat at the bar that overlooked the stove. I felt her eyes on me while I cooked.

"Hope you like grilled cheese and tomato soup." I announced flipping the bread in the pan.

"Oh, I'm okay." Her tone was clearly uncomfortable. I looked up.

"You already eat?"

She shook her head.

"No, but I don't expect you to feed me."

_Clearly._

I paused giving her a long look. She stared back, holding my gaze.

"I would have fed you this morning too if you hadn't disappeared." Her brows shot up. "Why don't you eat and tell me why you took off in return."

No pussyfooting around. I was going to figure this girl out one way or another.

I could tell I had taken her off guard, but the smile and laugh that broke out surprised me.

"You're not a morning person, are you?" There was an undeniable joke in that statement that apparently, I wasn't in on.

I lifted a brow as I plated the food, setting it out for us to eat.

She grinned ear to ear taking a big bite out of the sandwich. Her eyes closed suddenly, and she hummed in happiness.

"Ohh, I love grilled cheese." You'd think I'd made her a three-course dinner the way she carried on. I could only shake my head. "I didn't disappear this morning. I told you I was going."

_The hell she did!_

She must have seen the objection on my face, because her tinkling laugher rang out, warming me in all the right places.

"I had to leave really early for work. I told you that I'd be back later, but I guess you weren't all the way awake." She chucked before spooning up some more soup.

And just like that, all the pent-up annoyance deflated out of me.

"When did you leave?" It must have been really early if I had been that out of it.

"Just after six."

Which was starting to make a whole lot of sense. But that also meant she probably hadn't slept at all.

Taking a closer look at her face, I saw the heavy hand of makeup was at play. I frowned wanting to wipe it away and see her face just as it was.

"You must be exhausted."

She nodded and shrugged.

"I can't complain. I got off early. And last night was fun."

My chest ached at how casually she said it.

"No regrets?" I felt compelled to ask.

Bella looked up and found the worry in my eyes. She stretched out her hand and took mine.

"No. It was exactly what I needed. Do you regret it?"

Her voice was genuine and free of judgement.

I abandoned my food to move her into my lap. She gave a small squeak of surprise but melted into my arms as my mouth came down over her.

It was a slow kiss this time. My lips were gentle, but firm against hers. I cupped her face, drawing her in deeply, inhaling her scent as I tasted her. She moaned against my mouth and twisted her hands into my hair.

I loved how she did that. Like she couldn't keep her hands off me and needed to have me wrapped around her fingers. As if I wasn't already.

"The only thing I regret is not keeping you in bed this morning." I whispered in her ear, loving how she shivered. I drew back seeing her eyes had darkened with desire.

"Hmm, how about you keep me in bed for lunch?"

I needed no further encouragement.

Food forgotten; I carried her back upstairs with the intent of making torturously slow love to her.

I laid her on my bed gently, allowing myself to follow, pressing snugly to her side. And I kissed her slowly, sealing her senses against anything but me. Her sigh as she relaxed into me was sweet on my lips. I relished the way she let go, letting me guide our movements.

My hands explored the contour of her curves while we kissed. I took note of her responses when I found a particularly sensitive area. After a while, I pulled away, thoroughly satisfied at the dazed look on her face.

Ever so slowly I removed her clothes, watching the tension build in her eyes. My fingers lingered here and there, eliciting shivers with their gentle touch.

"Edwarrrd." She moaned, as I worked perilously closer to her breast. She was arching against me, seeking further contact. I chuckled, dancing around the area she so clearly wanted me to touch.

I held out just a little longer, knowing the build of tension was driving her crazy. When I finally cupped the swell of her breast she cried out. Unable to resist her hardened peak, I lapped my tongue gently across it. My ears were rewarded with her gasp.

"Do you like that Bella?" I teased, pulling the nub deeper in my mouth. Her breath caught in her throat as I worked against her.

I loved the feel of her nipple in my mouth. I was easily getting caught up in the action, her cries of pleasure urging me on.

"Oh, yes! Fuck!" She moaned as I switched breasts. Her heavy panting was making my sweats feel tight. And suddenly she was pulling at my clothes, demanding contact I had been denying her.

"Not yet. I'm not done with you." She groaned, but her hands stilled. She made fists in my shirt as I kissed her thoroughly again. "I want you on your hands and knees."

Her eyes widened but she obeyed instantly. I positioned her to face away from me, her ass near the edge of the bed. The hungry look she tossed over her shoulder was almost my undoing.

But no. I wasn't ready to fuck her yet. I had plans. Plans that included making her scream my name, repeatedly.

She shivered as I trailed my fingers up the back of her thighs over the swell of her ass. It was a nice ass too. I eyed it hungrily wondering if she'd let me have her that way someday. But for now, I had another mission.

I kneeled on the floor, bringing her back against my face and licked the inside of her thigh. When her legs quivered, I wrapped my hands around her for stability.

My tongue teased her thighs, whispering across her core making her moan. I watched as she grew wetter from my taunting and her cries of frustration grew louder.

"You're getting soaked. Is there something you want Bella?"

Her head bobbed up and down emphatically.

"Yes! Taste me Edward. Please." I would never get tired of hearing her say that.

My mouth was on her, and I delighted in her shrieks as I coated my tongue in her wetness. Fuck she tasted good; I couldn't get enough. I wanted more of her scent and flavor, driving me deeper through her center.

"Fuck! Oh, Edward. Don't stop!"

Though I knew she was close, I drew back reveling in her noises of protest.

"Not yet. I want to see how long you can hold out for me Bella." She whimpered at my words. Then ever so slowly I started over. Gently teasing the outside of her folds, parting them with the barest tip of my tongue. I licked circles around her clit, before pulling on it lightly. I backed away when she tensed and began lapping at her core again. Her moans were wild from my sweet torture.

I lost myself in her taste, stroking deeper for more. She moved back against me, effectively riding my tongue with abandon. It was one of the sexiest things I had ever witnessed.

"Please, Edward. I want…" she trailed off her legs shaking with restraint. Seeing how weak she was with need; I gave in to her pleas. I gripped her hips, plunging my tongue deep, sucking hard against her. Almost instantly she screamed, coming hard. I rode out her climax, taking all she had to give.

When at last she collapsed to the bed, I moved away.

"Oh God. That was sooo good. Fuck!" She moaned into the mattress, before turning her head to the side to look at me. "Please tell me you're not done."

I felt my smirk.

"Want another already?" I leaned over, stroking her back down to her ass, giving it a light smack. Her dilated eyes told me everything I needed to know.

"Yes. But mostly I want you naked and inside of me." Fuck if it didn't love the way she talked.

"Your wish is my command."

I stripped slowly, letting her watch as she sat up. Her eyes raked over me hungrily. And when I was fully disrobed, she licked her lips as she eyed my cock.

I laughed and shook my head at her.

"Not today." Her frown was small, but immediately replaced when I moved to the bed and kissed her passionately again. The touch of her bare skin to mine sent burns of pleasure through me. I reveled in every sensation. Before I knew it, we were back against the pillows, her body half under me.

I ached to bury myself in her sweet heat. Instead I took my time, kissed every curve, explored every expanse of skin with my mouth and fingers. In turn she did the same to me.

I found I was particularly fond of the way she nipped at the side of my neck. If I didn't stop her, she was going to wind up leaving a mark. She groaned when I moved her lips away from me.

"But you like it," she pouted, tracing her fingers on the spot where her mouth had just been. Her desire to pleasure me was overwhelming. I had never been with someone who cared to give as much as they received. But Bella did.

"No, I love it. But if you don't stop, I'll be sporting a very noticeable hicky." She must have liked that thought, because the look in her eyes intensified. I kissed her slowly, diverting her attention away from my neck. She responded eagerly, using her hands to touch me all the places she wanted to put her mouth.

It wasn't long before we were both pulling at each other, needing more.

"I want you Edward." Bella told me pulling back to look me in the eyes. I couldn't help but wonder if the words had a much deeper meaning. Or maybe I just wanted them to. Either way I knew what she wanted right now. _Me_.

I pulled a condom out of the nightstand, tearing it open quickly. Bella surprised me by snatching it from my hand. I watched in fascination as she took me in her hands, slowly rolling the condom down my shaft.

As soon as she was done, I nudged her down into the bed, letting my body slide over her. I watched her eyes as I gradually pushed inside her. Saw the utter bliss she felt as we connected.

With deliberate movements, I worked her body, keeping my pace unhurried. It was heaven and torture all at once. Each stroke brought me intense pleasure and a desire to pound into her to completion. But I curbed the urge finding a deeper satisfaction at how much she was enjoying the slowness of our coupling.

The pressure of an impending orgasm was rising up. She was just too hot, too wet, too _sweet_. I ground my hips into her, effectively rubbing against her clit. The way she gasped and clenched told me it had exactly the effect I wanted. I repeated the motion, barely holding onto sanity while trying to get her there.

"Come for me Bella. I want to feel you come around my cock."

She cried out, her hips thrusting against mine, and shuttered. I exploded almost instantly, unable to stop myself from how tightly she was clenching me.

I almost couldn't believe how hard I came. Being with Bella brought out a whole new level of intensity that I'd never experienced before. I'd had plenty of good fucks, but this was something else. Something that caused me to feel it in every fiber of my being.

I wondered if it was the same for her.

We laid in silence for a while, her back against my chest as we let our hearts calm their rapid beating. After I while, I lifted myself up on one arm to look over her.

Her eyes were closed, mouth slightly open, breathing lightly.

"Bella?"

Her brows drew in, and she snuggled more deeply against me.

"Hmm?"

It was more of a hum than a response.

I had worn her out. Damn if that didn't give me a sense of pride and satisfaction.

Feeling more than a little tired myself, I pulled off the condom, throwing it in the trash beside my bed. Then I wrapped my arms around her tightly, knowing we both could use a little rest.

…

"Edward."

I heard the voice, but I wasn't quite awake, or ready to respond to it. Involuntarily, I held on tighter.

"E. You gotta let me go."

I felt my face turning to a frown, and without opening my eyes I shook my head.

"No."

Her giggle had me cracking one eye open.

Bella was grinning at me, her eyes alight with mirth.

"Please? I need to pee."

I only debated for a second, before releasing my hold. I came more awake as a very naked Bella crawled over me.

I watched as she walked into my adjoining bathroom, not bothering to put on any clothes. Her lack of modesty made me grin. I might have thought she'd be more shy, but that wasn't the case.

She came back just a few minutes later and slid in bed next to me again. I was pleasantly surprised when she laid her head on my shoulder.

Looking down, I noticed much of her makeup had worn away, and a very dark bruise was showing through.

I traced it gently.

Her eyes tilted up to lock with mine.

"So, we gonna talk about it?" I finally asked. Her brows drew in.

"Talk about what?"

I continued to caress her cheek as I thought about what I wanted to say.

"You, me, sex."

Her confusion was evident, and she regarded me curiously.

"What exactly do you think we should talk about?"

I considered my next words carefully.

"Bella, I don't doubt you're capable of many things, but casual sex doesn't seem like one of them."

Her nose scrunched adorably.

"Why not?" Her voice told me she was clearly offended. I had to laugh.

"Only you would get upset because someone is calling you the opposite of easy."

Her frown deepened.

"No, you're just calling me a prude." She told me dryly.

I shook my head.

"I am most certainly not calling you a prude. I'm just saying, I don't think you take sex lightly. And I wanted to open the door to a discussion if you were feeling concerned about it."

She regarded me with a thoughtful look.

"I might not take it lightly, but I don't think it has to be so serious either. I mean I'm not gonna hook up with a total stranger, but I know and trust you. And I know you're not the type of person who would take advantage of that. So, I'm not concerned. I'm just enjoying."

It warmed me to know she trusted me, but I was a little saddened that she didn't want something more. I supposed, given my reputation she probably wouldn't be comfortable telling me she wanted more even if that were the case.

In all fairness, I had retained some of my aloofness when it came to her, even since we started 'dating'. If I wanted her to feel like it was real, I needed to show her what that would look like.

It was time to start acting like a real boyfriend.

Man, was I looking forward to that.

**AN: Hopefully, that was a little more satisfying than the previous chapter, which I knew was a little short and not so meaty. I'm excited to see where this goes, Bella is in big trouble if Edward kicks up the boyfriend notch ;) **

**Thanks again for all the reviews, follows and favs! **


	13. Ch 13: Just Ask

**Ch 13: Just Ask**

**~ Bella's POV~**

The rest of the weekend passed in a sex-hazed blur. I was delighted to find how affectionate Edward could be. He kissed me passionately, completely, at every chance. His smiles were sweet, and he doted on me even more than before.

I wondered if it was the endorphins from all the sex we were having.

The only problem was I was starting to lose myself in it. It was too easy to start thinking of myself as more than just his fake girlfriend. I was going to have a hell of a time letting him go, of that much I was sure. But for now, I would enjoy every minute of it.

The weekend ended all too quickly; I wanted to stay in the bubble of euphoria a little longer. But alas, it was not to be.

His dad, Carlisle, was due home Sunday after a grueling weekend working in the ER. His specialty was in Cardiology, but most doctors rotated weekends to keep the hospital covered. According to Edward, he worked more than his fair share of shifts.

And Esme, Edward's mom was one hell of a lady too. She worked for a big city law firm and was constantly traveling over the country. She wouldn't be back in the state for a few more days. I thought it was kind of sad Edward was alone so much. He had loving parents, but they missed quite a bit because they were so busy. He seemed nonchalant about it, but I had to wonder if it bothered him more than he let on.

Maybe we were more similar than I thought.

In any case, I could be his company whenever he needed it. Spending time with Edward was just as rewarding to me. Apart from the sex, which admittedly was fucking awesome, he was a good friend too. He wasn't so distant when he was alone with me. The brooding, aloof guy I saw at school would just disappear and become this witty, even silly person. It was such an interesting transformation, and I could only wonder at what caused it.

I wondered if he would revert back to his normal self at school today. The thought had barely entered my mind when I heard his cheerful call as I made my way to my truck.

My mouth watered as I watched him saunter over my way. Blue jeans, tight black shirt, wild sexy hair. Ugh, I was already panting in heat.

"Hey."

The smirk on his face told me he knew exactly where my mind was at.

"Where do you think you're going?" He teased, making me laugh.

"School. You know, that evil place where they make you sit and learn all day."

He rolled his eyes.

"I meant, why are you going to your truck?"

I paused and did a slow circle trying to look at my back. Edward gave me a look that told me he thought I was more than a little crazy.

"What are you doing?"

"Just making sure wings hadn't suddenly sprouted, cause you know I don't take the bus." His confusion was momentary. I grinned, as he got the joke, rolling his eyes yet again.

"Bella, you are ridiculous." I nodded, it was true. "You're not taking your truck today." He told me confidently.

This was news to me.

"I'm not?" Confusion was definitely in my voice. His grin was slow, as he moved closer effectively pinning me against the door.

"How would it look if my girl didn't ride with me to school?"

_His girl?_

My heart pounded as he played with a tendril of my hair. All I wanted to do was forget school and drag him inside. Instead I did my best to pretend my panties weren't practically melting off.

"Like she's a strong independent woman who don't need no man to take care of her?" I sassed. His eyes gleamed at my rebuttal, and he leaned in close.

"I think I've proved just how much I can take care of you Bella. Or do you need another demonstration?"

Fucking, _swoon_.

"I'm never late for school Edward. Unless you're saying you only need ten minutes." It was pointed barb.

His eyes darkened considerably, and I felt a jolt of energy course through me.

"I'd prefer at least an hour, but I bet I can make you come in less than five."

Yup, my panties were no more. They had certainly burst into flames along with my pants too I was sure.

"You've got three. Better hurry."

With no hesitation, he yanked open my truck and hoisted me inside. The door had barely closed when his hands were on me, sliding deliciously over every sensitive spot on my already wanting body. I moaned into his mouth when he dipped his hands into my pants, gripping my ass tightly.

My jeans and panties were pulled down quickly, and his fingers found me slick and ready. He cursed when he touched me. His mouth left me abruptly to dip between my legs, I cried out at the contact, hardly able to think. I couldn't believe we were literally doing this in my truck in broad daylight, basically for anyone passing by to see.

But whatever thoughts I had about someone seeing vanished as his fingers plunged inside me while his mouth worked my clit. He already had me so close. Something about the thrill of doing this here, or getting caught. All I knew is when he pulled on me hard, while slamming his long fingers into me, I shattered.

I gripped his hair as he rode out my orgasm, somehow making me want him more. I groaned when he made his way back up to me, giving me a kiss that tasted of my own desire.

"Fuck that was hot." I breathed into him.

He pulled back, eyes dancing as he watched me struggle to get my mind working again.

"I believe I met your demands. Two minutes and thirty seconds, to be exact."

I laughed at the utter ridiculousness of it.

"That you did." I looked over at him, still very much turned on even though I had just orgasmed. I looked at his pants noticing his erection was straining hard against them. We still had some time...why not?

I hastily pulled up my pants, before I started tugging on his. His startled look was perfect.

"Bella," he groaned and warned all at once.

"Shut up and pull down your pants," I ordered. He rolled his eyes but obliged me.

My mouth wasted no time.

His moans of appreciation were heavenly, and I loved the way he pulled my hair. I couldn't get enough of his taste. Feeling my mouth surround him, my tongue roving from base to tip and back again. He was so wet, so delicious. I pulled on his hips, using them as leverage to take him deeper. A sexy growl tore from his throat as I worked him thoroughly. It wasn't long before I felt the tension of his impending climax. Knowing what he needed, I reached up to stroke his balls, gently massaging them. I was rewarded with his instant orgasm as he came in my mouth.

Gently, but firmly, I continued to suck until he had ridden down from his high. When I pulled away, he was looking at me like he wanted to bend me over and fuck me sideways.

"Fuck Bella. You're too good at that." And then he was kissing me again. Something about knowing he could taste his cum on my lips was a huge turn on. I could just do this forever. But, school was waiting.

"Edward, we need to get to school." I sighed into his mouth.

"Does that mean you'll ride with me today?"

Though the air between us was still heavy with arousal, I sensed a sort of vulnerability in the question. I wasn't sure what it meant, or if there was something else he wanted. But who was I kidding? I wanted to be near him as much as he would let me.

So I nodded my head, and sighed as his heavenly cock disappeared back into his pants.

"Ready?"

He nodded, offering his hand and kissed mine when I entwined it with his. It was stuff like that, those little gestures that were going to be my undoing.

The ride to school in his car was comfortable. He held my hand the entire way, well at least until my phone chimed.

It was an email from Dr. Smith, about some work I had promised to have ready today. Due to the newfound _sex-_capades I was having with Edward, I had forgotten to finish it. Well that and the fact dad hadn't paid the internet bill. I groaned remembering.

"What's up?" Edward glanced over, obviously concerned.

"Nothing important. I'm gonna have to skip lunch today though." I quickly typed an email back, letting Elle know I would have the stuff to her before the end of the day. I could probably finish it in my lunch hour, but I could always drive to the library later if not.

All too soon we had made it to the parking lot, seeing kids already heading to class.

I was about to exit the car, when Edward pulled me close and kissed me thoroughly. When he pulled back, I was dazed.

"What was that for?" My voice was breathless.

He shrugged, but gave me a sly grin. I wondered if he just loved messing with me. If that was the case, he could do it anytime.

I made it to class on time, _barely_.

Angie gave me a curious gaze, but class was busy so we had no time to talk. I probably should tell her about what was happening with Edward, but I didn't want to see the look of concern I know she would be sporting.

Putting it off would only be temporary. There was no way she wasn't going to find out sooner or later.

When lunch rolled around, I groaned as I headed to the library, bummed out that I wouldn't be able to eat with Edward.

But I would power through. Putting my headphones in and blasting rock music at a level that was probably unsafe for my eardrums, I started editing. Thoroughly engaged, I didn't even notice when the bell rang. Fortunately, the Librarian Mrs. Cope knew me well enough to interrupt. I ran to class in an attempt to not miss the tardy bell. I was really pushing it today.

Unfortunately, I think someone must have waxed the floors recently. I was coming in hot when my shoe slipped causing me fall while simultaneously sliding into the classroom right as the final bell rang.

I could only look up at Mr. Danvers, shock on my face, from my position on the floor.

"Safe!" He called loudly, extending his arms outward rapidly like an umpire. The class erupted with laughter; as I, thoroughly embarrassed from the whole debacle, blushed from head to toe.

At least I wasn't getting a tardy.

I awkwardly stood up and kept my head down as I made my way to my seat. I didn't even attempt to look anyone in the eyes.

"You okay?" Angie asked, but I heard the giggle in her voice.

Still embarrassed I only nodded, keeping my eyes on my desk.

Maybe the Earth would be kind and swallow me whole.

"Well, now seeing how much Mrs. Swan wanted some exercise, I think we're all due for a little outside time."

More laughter.

_Kill me now._

Why did the universe hate me?

Danvers was still giggling at his stupid joke when he told us to split up and head out, but not before warning us not to run.

He was slowly losing favor as my favorite teacher.

I waited for most of the students to finish leaving the room before I stood up. Edward was waiting by the door, his expression completely neutral.

I didn't trust it.

Eyeing him warily, I walked up slowly. He said nothing, but rather slowly entwined my fingers in his.

"Oak tree?" he asked, watching me. No jokes, no laughter. Just that simple.

I nodded as we headed outside, hand in hand.

Lowering myself gently to ground when we made it to the tree, I grimaced.

"Are you okay?"

I gave a light laugh knowing it was the best way to deal with how I was feeling.

"Yeah. At least I didn't smack my face this time."

The bruise from my previous fall had turned a lovely shade of yellow, but my makeup hid it well enough.

Looking up I could see Edward was not amused.

"I'm really fine. My ego is more bruised than anything." When he didn't let up, I smirked. "You wanna kiss and make it all better?" I asked lifting a hip to shake my butt at him.

Heat pooled in his eyes and I felt a thrill.

"Don't tempt me."

But I really wanted too.

"Hmm, I didn't know you had a thing for my butt. Gonna give it a smooch?" I wiggled my eyebrows playfully.

A small smirk was forming on his face. He leaned closer to me to run a finger down my hip.

"I'd like to do more than kiss it." I felt my eyes widen at his hoarse whisper. His admission gave me chills in a very good way.

"Like what?" I was curious enough, and turned on enough to ask.

His eyes looked hungry.

"How about I show you later?"

Why did that sound absolutely thrilling?

"Tease." I joked, leaning back with a smile.

He just shook his head.

"So, what were you doing before class?"

I guess it made sense he was curious since I did miss lunch over it.

"Oh, I just had some work to do." I told him nonchalantly, knowing it wasn't anything important.

"What kind of work?" His interest surprised me.

"Edits mostly. I help review papers, proposals and stuff for a professor over at Mason."

He looked impressed.

"You work for the University?" I shrugged, not feeling like it was a big deal. "How'd you get a gig like that?"

I laughed at how intrigued he was by it.

"It's not _that_ important. Back two summers ago Dr. Smith needed an assistant, and we got along really well. So now I help out a little more than I used too. It's good practice since writing's my thing."

Thoughtful contemplation took up residence on his face.

"Do you like it?"

I smiled thinking about it.

"Yeah. I really like Dr. Smith. I don't know if I would have liked working for another professor, but it's been great. I'm challenged at lot, and I usually have the freedom to work at my own pace so, that's nice too."

For some reason Edward frowned and I wondered what caused it.

"You said you started working there sophomore summer?"

I was curious by his question, but I nodded, wondering where he was going with that. But he didn't say anything, and his frown deepened.

"Is something wrong?"

He just shook his head.

"So, you have work to do?"

I wasn't sure what changed, but his tone wasn't as light.

"Yeah. I promised to have the edits in by five today and I dropped the ball on that this weekend." I gave him a rueful look.

"You still have a lot left?"

"No, I was able to get the bulk of it done. I'll just have to go to the library later so I can finish."

His brows drew together deeply.

"You can't do it at home?"

I wavered on how to answer that question.

"The internet's been down for a few days and I haven't wanted to deal with talking to a rep." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was close enough. I just needed to pay the bill over the phone, and they would turn it back on. Hopefully.

"Is it private stuff?" That question threw me for a loop.

"I mean some of it can be sensitive information, but not usually. Is there a reason you're asking?"

He fixed his eyes to mine.

"I was going to offer for you to come over, use our Wi-Fi so you don't have to make a trip to the library."

It was a sweet gesture. It really was.

"Oh, thanks. But it will probably just be easier if I went to the library."

"Driving out of your way to our dinky little library is better than using my Wi-Fi?" His tone was clearly offended.

It made me laugh.

"I didn't say it was better. I said _easier_. I don't have a laptop, so unless I'm supposed to bring my whole desktop over, the library it is."

His face went through several emotions before landing on what I could only describe as determination.

"I have a computer you can use."

I didn't know why he was pushing it so much, but it was kind of endearing.

"Okay. I'll come use your computer if that'll make you happy." I teased, hoping to put a smile on his face.

He gave me an exasperated sigh.

"You're a pain in the ass Swan."

I gave him a mock offended look.

"Yes, woo me with your mean words, you big burly man." I snarked sassily. When his lips twitched, I did a mental fist pump in victory.

"But really, thank you. I'm sure your computer will be much nicer, and hopefully cleaner, than the ones at the library."

His chuckle was music to my ears.

"Jeeze Bella, I don't jizz on my keyboard."

That startled a laugh out of me.

"I was talking about _food_. People like to eat where they work, and crumbs get everywhere." But I was grinning stupidly. His mind _would_ go there.

"I'd be more worried about jizz than crumbs. That's all I'm saying."

He had me laughing loudly.

"Sounds like camp. But with keyboards instead of sleeping bags," I chuckled.

And suddenly his eyes lost some of their spark again. I had no idea what was going on, but being around him today was an emotional roller-coaster. I almost wanted to ask what kept triggering the look.

"You talk about camp a lot."

Was camp the trigger?

"Umm, I guess." What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

"Do you go every year?"

_Weird question._

"I didn't this past summer, but yeah, every year since eighth grade."

"Why didn't you go this year?"

I shrugged.

"Well since I got a job, I could work full time in the summer. I mean I definitely could have taken a few weeks off, but the money was good, and I enjoyed working."

I could tell my answer didn't sit well, though I had no clue why.

"I feel like you have a bigger question you want to ask."

He looked up and nodded.

"Are you sleeping with your boss?"

What. The. Fuck.

I felt my eyes widen incredibly as I contemplated how outrageous that question was. And then I started giggling, and I couldn't stop.

"What's so funny?"

I heard the annoyance in his tone, but the laughter just kept coming. Tears were in my eyes.

"N-no, Edward. I'm not sleeping with my boss," I managed after a long moment of hysterical giggling. He did not look pleased.

"You could have just said no." His words were quiet and slightly sobering.

I gave him a tender look as I reached out to take his hand.

"I'm sorry. It was just so surprising and don't get me wrong Dr. Smith is a total babe, but _she's_ not my type." I gave a pointed look.

"Dr. Smith is a woman," he stated. "And I'm an idiot." He claimed, closing his eyes for moment.

"Maybe just a tiny bit. And I have to ask, apart from thinking my boss was a dude, what made you think I was having sex with them?"

The fact he was blushing told me a lot.

"Well you mentioned before that you had been with someone during the summer after sophomore year and that lined up with when you got a job. Then you didn't go back, and you were talking about how much you love going to work." He stopped himself a little short.

I guess I could see where he might have gotten the idea.

"But a professor? And I was only sixteen?"

His blush grew deeper and he cupped the back of his neck.

"I don't know Bella. I could see you having a thing for an older guy."

That made me laugh, and I just couldn't help but to shake my head.

"Sorry to disappoint, but no."

He shook his head at me.

"Do you have any other questions about my previous love life? You know, so you don't think I'm getting jiggy with the mailman." I couldn't help but tease. He took it in good humor though.

"I don't know, I'm just curious about you Bella."

I would take that as a good sign.

"All you have to do is ask."

He gave me a raised brow.

"Just ask?" he looked doubtful.

"I'm not shy. I'm not easily offended. And I don't have anything to be ashamed of. So, if you're curious about something I would rather you ask." Maybe it would be less comfortable with someone else, but I had gotten to know Edward on a very intimate level.

"Oh." He paused for a moment, and I gave him an encouraging smile. "The guy from summer camp, he was your first, right?"

I nodded.

"So how old were you?"

I laughed.

"Probably younger than I should have been, but it was summer after ninth so, 15."

"And you saw him again?"

"Yeah. After tenth grade. We got upgraded to counselors, so you know, lots of shenanigans." I grinned. He gave me a slight smile.

"So did it just not work out, or.." he trailed off.

"No. I mean it wasn't really like that. Obviously, we liked each other. We met after eighth grade and became good friends. But I don't know, it was kind of similar to what we're doing now actually." Both brows raised instantly.

"Just how many pretend boyfriends have you had?"

I laughed.

"Ha-ha. I didn't mean that part. I meant we were good friends, and there was some chemistry, but we didn't date. It was more of a 'this is just for fun for the summer' kind of a thing."

He gave me an unreadable look.

"Is that what you wanted?"

"Yeah, I guess. We focused on being friends and the sex was secondary to that. It was just a safe way for both of us to be curious. Don't get me wrong it wasn't clinical, but it also wasn't like some passionate love affair." I wasn't sure my explanation was satisfactory, but it was the best I could do.

"So you didn't love him?"

I shook my head.

"As a friend, sure. But it wasn't starry eyed, planning the future kind of love. I mean there will always be a bond there, but not in a romantic way." I shrugged. I guess I had a pattern when it came to my sex life.

Edward was quiet for a moment.

"I'd ask you the first time you swiped your V-card, but I already know." I masked the old pain with a smile. "Tanya Denali was an interesting choice."

His eyes widened, making me laugh.

"How?" he demanded.

I gave him a look.

"Come on, you're kidding right? You were in the hot tub on your porch, in plain view."

And I had seen way more than I wanted to that day. More than my little heart could bare at the time.

"You _saw_?" He looked like he might throw up, which is funny, because that's how I felt when it happened.

"I didn't stick around and watch. As soon as I figured out the screaming wasn't from someone being murdered, I aborted mission immediately." Actually, I had been so torn up, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for three days. Then I was shipped to summer camp.

"Fuck." His curse startled me. He looked genuinely upset.

"Hey, it's not a big deal. Honestly I wouldn't have brought it up if I knew it bothered you." I patted his arm trying to soothe him. "I was just trying to give you a hard time, I didn't realize it meant so much to you."

I was feeling bad that I had upset him. He looked down at where my hand was holding his arm.

"Being with her didn't mean anything. I'm just, I don't know, shocked that you saw it happen."

My heart rejoiced that at least he wasn't hung up on Tanya.

"Come on. That was ages ago. Thinking back, it was kind of funny. I mean you had her bleating like fucking goat."

Some of the worry left his eyes. I made a few goat noises, pushing him a little. When a full smile broke out, I grinned.

"Hmm, goat noises are your thing. I'll have to keep that in mind."

He narrowed his eyes.

"I swear to God Bella, if you make goat sounds when I fuck you, I will tape your mouth shut."

"Kinky."

The mood between us had become light and playful again. Just talking with Edward could be so much fun.

But the bell was ringing, and it was time to go.

"This was fun." I mentioned, as we walked back.

Edward gave me soft smile as he walked me to my next class.

"So you'll finish your work at my house later?"

I nodded, and he kissed my forehead before leaving.

The spot where his lips had been warmed me, and I knew I would be wearing a dopey smile for the rest of the day.

**AN: Hope you got a kick out of that little interaction. Poor Edward thinking she was seeing an older man! And I wonder why he was so upset Bella saw him with Tanya… so much to learn.**

**Thanks for all the love! Hope you guys have an awesome weekend :)**


	14. Ch 14: Talk to Me

**Ch 14: Talk to Me**

**~ Bella's POV~**

"I have a question." Angela glanced over at me, a look of unveiled concern on her face.

"Ut oh." I commented biting my lip.

It was a Saturday night and we were sitting on her bedroom floor after having a long day of just girl time. We had missed doing much of that over the past weeks, since she had starting dating Ben, and my crazy-ass relationship with Edward began.

Time seemed to fly so quickly that I could hardly believe that Edward and I had been 'seeing' each other for almost a month. Things had just been too easy. Too wonderful. And I was so far beyond gone. The way he made me feel was indescribable.

I think Angie was going through a similar thing, because neither of us had made a great attempt to spend time together outside of school, or parties the boys dragged us to. But today I had put my foot down and insisted we have a day, just the two of us. Angie had thankfully been just as excited about it as I was.

We had spent the whole day being pals. Getting coffee, walking on the beach, sharing stories. She had dished about her feelings for Ben, and how amazing he was. I was so happy for her.

Looking at her now though I wondered what was on her mind.

"You and Edward, you've had sex." It wasn't a question, but I nodded. Oh yes, we had sex. So, so much sex. All if it incredible. Angela had known since the weekend after. She hadn't been too pleased, but she didn't lecture me about getting too close, so there was that at least.

"Ben and I… well we haven't."

I wanted to be surprised, but really I wasn't. Angela was shy by nature and kind of old fashioned. Part of me imagined she'd be a virgin on her wedding night.

"Okay." I said gently, trying to be supportive. "He's not pressuring you for sex, is he? Because I will chop off bru-bra's balls."

I wasn't kidding.

Angela smacked her forehead giggling.

"No! And you better keep away from my man's parts."

"Well if he keeps them in his pants, there won't be a problem."

She laughed and shook her head, cheeks blushing.

"But what if I don't want him to keep it in his pants?"

I felt my eyes widen.

"No?!" I gasped. "Ohh you better call the preacher, Angela wants to get laid!"

She slapped a hand over my mouth quickly giving me a glare.

"Christ! My parents could have heard that!" She looked towards the door, but we both knew there was no way the Weber's would have heard. Angela's room was on the complete opposite side of the house.

"Well holy crap. I just can't hardly believe it." Her face looked confused and sad, which in turn made me feel confused and sad. "What's wrong? This is a good thing. This means you really like him."

She didn't look encouraged.

"I'm just not sure how to feel. I want him Bella. Oh God, I want him so badly. When we kiss, I just want to rip all his clothes off and forget everything."

I nodded, understanding the feeling completely.

"That's usually a good sign."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"How far have you gone with him?"

Her blush was immediate.

"Umm, we've made out, a lot. No shirts. And umm…" her blush deepened and I loved how embarrassed she was.

"He fingered you?" I added after a minute. She turned scarlet. "Awesome!" I high-fived her.

"Honey there is nothing to be embarrassed about. As long as he made you feel good. He did make it feel good right?"

Her eyes went all dreamy and I knew the answer.

"Yes. God Bella. I mean you know I'm a virgin, and that I've never done anything like that before. But it was so perfect. The first time, he was gentle and constantly made sure it was what I wanted. And his fingers," she sighed contentedly, making me want some fingers in my own pants.

"Ugh, you're turning me on." I teased. She smirked.

"Pay back for all the stuff you've told me in the past!"

I laughed knowing she was right. Though to be fair I hadn't told her much of anything about Edward. Only that it happened.

"Okay. So let me get this straight. You like him. He likes you. You want him, and he wants to pleasure you. Where is the problem again?"

She groaned throwing herself back on the floor.

"I tired to tell him I was ready to have sex and he freaked out."

Okay, that was unexpected.

"Freaked out how, exactly?"

She threw her hands up in the air.

"We've been_, touching_," I cracked a smile, knowing how hard that must have been for her to say. "Not a ton, but enough. And after, I just wanted him so badly. And I told him that, then he froze up. I thought he was gonna throw up or something."

I nodded calmly.

"Maybe _he's_ not ready." I suggested, and she groaned.

"I know. And I feel bad for wanting it because of that."

I thought for a moment.

"Angie, have you tried to talk to him about it?"

She lifted herself up of other floor shaking her head.

"Just in bed, the one time. I've been afraid to bring it up again. And since then he won't even go in my shirt." Her voice was so dejected.

"He's probably just nervous. I can't imagine being in a guy's shoes, knowing that he really likes you and doesn't want to hurt you. That's a lot of pressure. And I'm sure he's trying not to give mixed signals."

Angie groaned again.

"What do I do? I mean if he's not ready for sex, that's fine. But our make out sessions have been so… lackluster lately." She looked at a loss.

"I think the first thing you need to do is just talk to him. Have him tell him you how he feels, but be clear about what you want too. And I don't mean to say to pressure him, don't do that. But just make sure he knows what your limits are, ask him his."

"You make it sound easy."

I shrugged.

"I mean you either tell him, make him talk to you about it, or you continue to feel frustrated and him feel scared as hell. Which sounds terrible if you ask me."

"I know you're right. I just don't want to do it."

That I couldn't help her with.

"I understand. I really do."

Her gaze turned to look at me deeply.

"You're getting deep with Edward too aren't you?"

I wanted to deny it, but I could never lie to Angie.

"Yes." I sighed.

"Are you gonna tell him how _you_ feel?" I heard pointed note in her tone. If I was telling her to talk to Ben, I should be willing to do the same with Edward.

"This feels just a little different Ange. I mean you know Ben wants you. With Edward, it's… complicated."

Her brow rose telling me exactly how she felt about that excuse.

"So you're content to be scared and just what, let him go later?"

I had already been thinking about that. Every moment with Edward was blissful torture. I had him, but I didn't.

"No." I sighed. "I'll probably call it off."

That surprised her.

"You'd really do that? You wouldn't even try to find out how he feels about you?" She looked at me like I had lost my mind. I kind of agreed with her.

"I already know how he feels about me. That was never a question. I just wasn't expecting to get so carried away." And I really had. Angela looked at me with heartbroken eyes.

"Bella. People change. You don't know that's how he feels anymore. Or if he ever even felt that way. You could have been mistaken."

I shook my head, some of the old memories playing in my mind.

The sneer in his voice, the anger.

I breathed deeply, calming my mind, reminding myself it was okay. Angie was watching me with sad eyes.

"I wish that was the case, but Edward hasn't even hinted at wanting anything more. Either way, I'm not making any decisions right now. And I don't want you feeling bad for me. I want you to focus on you and Ben."

She looked like she might say something but then she closed her mouth and nodded.

"Now." I mentioned shooing her.

"Now?" Her voice was confused.

"Yes. As in call him now. Have him come over."

Her eyes widened.

"But.. my parents."

I rolled my eyes.

"Live a little Ange. Jeeze, the back door is right beside your room, not to mention you have a perfectly good window for sneaking. I would know."

She cracked a grin no doubt thinking of all the times I had come through said window.

"What about you?" I could tell it was just a formality, she really wanted to see him.

"Hey we had all day, and most of tonight. I'll stick around until he shows up. Now call that boy or I will."

She looked nervous but did as I said.

I chuckled as I heard the sass in her voice. I guess Ben was having doubts about coming over, but at least Ange was having none of it. She walked out of the room, I assume to not have me in earshot. I could have laughed, Ange could be so shy.

"See you in ten." She snapped the phone closed coming back in the room, before giving me a look of 'what have I done?'

"Breathe. It'll be fine. Just be honest, he's crazy about you Ange. You just need to get on the same page is all."

She nodded. And I stayed until we heard a light tap on the window.

To my surprise Ben _and_ Edward were standing outside. I threw Ange a dirty look. She gave me a guilty smile.

"He couldn't leave his truck here. Edward offered to drive."

_Mhmm._

I opened the window letting Ben crawl through. He blushed looking at Ange.

"Talk." I warned to both of them, before sliding out the way Ben had just come. "Teenage love birds." I mumbled under my breath.

Edward's chuckle drew my eyes to him in the dark. He was leaning against the side of the house watching me.

"Playing matchmaker Swan?"

"They're already matched." I reminded him.

I walked beside him to his car which had been parked at the end of the drive.

When we got inside, I looked over, he was watching me.

"You know what's going on?" His eyes cut to the house.

"They just need to talk about some stuff." He rose a single brow.

"Ange mentioned I should do the same with you."

I felt my mouth fall open.

That sneaky little bitch.

"Can we maybe get out of here?" I asked before he could say anything. Ask anything.

He paused, watching me, but nodded and took off.

I wondered if was taking us home, but soon realized that was not the case. Instead we found ourselves at the same park Ange and I visited. It made me smile.

"You look happy."

I gave him a curious look.

"Did Ange tell you to take me here?"

His brows drew in confused.

"No. Why?" I looked out over the area, itching to hop in the swing.

"It's our talking spot. We used to come here a lot and chat for hours."

His expression was unreadable.

"Wanna swing?" His smile was hesitant and didn't quite reach his eyes. But I left the car anyways. I threw off my shoes, reveling in the feel of sand between my toes as I made it over to the swing set. Edward was just behind me.

"I love this." I sighed contentedly after a moment.

"Swings and sand make you that happy?" There was genuine curiosity in the question.

"Yeah. I guess they do."

I leaned my head back to look up at the moon high above as I glided back and forth.

"Bella?"

The simple way he called my name, I knew I had to look over at him. Slowly. I turned my head.

"Yeah?"

His expression was unreadable as he looked at me.

"What happened to us?"

Any lightheartedness I was feeling came stuttering to a halt. So did my swing.

There was no mistaking what he was talking about. Only I wasn't sure how to go there.

"Life." I whispered after a long moment. His brow furrowed as he watched me. "Things changed quickly that summer. And when it was over, I wasn't the same person going into it."

The wind blew between us, and I imagined it taking me away from the pain.

"Because your parents divorced?" His confusion in the question was evident. As if he knew somehow that couldn't be all it was.

"That was a huge part of it." I swallowed thickly remembering. "They fought a lot. Not every day, but enough. I always thought they loved each other enough to overcome it. I was wrong."

Edward was quiet for a moment.

"You never said anything."

I looked over, he was watching me sadly.

"It hurt to think about. And when I was playing with you, I didn't have to. We'd stay in our world of make-believe and everything was perfect." Or at least I thought it was.

"What changed?"

That was harder to answer.

"Fighting got worse. And that summer, they had an especially bad argument. They shipped me off to camp pretty quickly, I didn't have a say. I found out later it was so they could get a divorce. I didn't even know until after I got back."

Edward sucked in a sharp breath. I looked over to see pain in his eyes.

"I didn't take it well." I admitted.

"I'm sorry Bella." The sincerity in his voice had me looking up again. His eyes were so intense.

"It's not your fault. They were just a bad match. And it was for the best."

He didn't look satisfied.

"What?"

"I understand that your parents splitting up was huge, but I don't get why you shut me out. It was like one day we were best friends and the next you wouldn't even speak to me. Was that it though? You couldn't deal because of your parents?"

I should have figured that was coming and I heard the note of disbelief in his voice. I couldn't look at him when I spoke.

"No. It wasn't the real reason." My voice was quiet, and I could tell he stilled beside me. "I thought it was what you wanted."

Saying those words was so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

"Why?" His voice was almost tortured sounding. I couldn't help my glance in his direction. His eyes were large, looking at me in complete incredulity.

Taking a breath, I knew there was no avoiding what was to come.

"You remember the party your mom threw at end of eight grade?"

His brows drew in, as if he was trying to see how it was connected.

"Yeah. You never showed." There was hurt there. Only I couldn't understand why.

"Yes and no." I commented looking away. "I was on my way over, when I heard you talking with Jasper and Emmett on the other side of the fence. I was just gonna stick around to try to scare you guys, but then you started talking… about me."

My eyes darted over, and I saw the moment of realization as it hit him.

"You know what they say about eavesdroppers…" I trailed off with a shrug that wasn't quite nonchalant.

"Fuck Bella." His voice was a whisper.

The memory was clear as day in my head.

_The sun was bright overhead, and the laughter of teenagers was on the air. I felt excited, full of energy as I made my way over to the gate._

_Much to my delight I could hear Edward talking on the other side of the fence. Maybe I could jump out and scare him!_

_I creeped quietly over, getting ready to pounce and yell, when I heard my name._

"_...about Bella." Edward's voice was annoyed. I stopped in my tracks, waiting._

"_Come on E, you can't lie to us." Emmett joked._

"_I'm not interested in her!" The words were vehement, and shot right through my heart._

"_Okay. Surree. Because you only see her every day." Jasper joined in, teasing._

"_What am I gonna do, tell her to stop living next door?" I could practically hear the eye roll. "We're neighbors. Nothing else."_

_I knew he was just feeling defensive because he was getting teased, but the words caused my heart to pang._

"_Dude you two have been glued at the hip since birth," Emmett countered._

_Edward let out an exasperated sigh._

"_Yeah well, maybe I don't want to be anymore. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to always have her around? Maybe I'd like to have a life without her in it."_

_My breath caught and tears immediately came to my eyes._

_I knew I should have moved away. I should have left, but I couldn't make my feet move. I was glued to the spot as pain radiated through me._

"_That's cold E," Jasper said quietly._

"_Well I think it's bullshit anyways. If you don't want her around, why don't you say something?"_

"_Like I can?" Edward commented with resentment in his tone. "She doesn't shut up for five seconds to get a word in."_

_The world was spinning, and I felt like I couldn't breathe._

"_Fuck man. You're being a real dick." Jasper told him, anger in his tone. "Bella's a sweetheart, and she deserves better."_

"_It's not like I'd say that to her face. I'm not cruel, I just don't want to be her little playmate anymore."_

_At that I did move away. I couldn't take hearing anymore. Quietly as I could, I went back the way I came._

_And I promised myself I'd never bother him again._

Caught up in the memory, I didn't notice Edward had come to stand in front of me. He looked in my eyes and dropped to his knees, placing his palms flat on mine.

"You remember everything I said that day. Don't you." I hesitantly nodded, his eyes were pained. "I am so sorry you heard that Bella."

Though the emotion inside was strong, I didn't cry.

"You didn't mean for me to."

He shook his head.

"Would you believe me if I told you that everything I said was a lie?"

I wanted to believe him, but my heart was hesitant.

"You don't have to apologize for something that happened a while ago."

His head was shaking again.

"Yes, I do. You didn't deserve to hear those things. I didn't mean them, and I should never have said them."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

"I get it, I really do. You were feeling defensive and said some stupid shit. I should have confronted you, but instead I chose to be hurt and walk away."

He opened his mouth to say something, but I placed a finger over his lips.

"It's the past now. Nothing we can say or do is going to change it."

He didn't argue, but instead kissed the finger I had over his lips. It spread warmth through me. I knew that right now, what I really needed, was him.

"Take me home?"

Saying nothing, he lifted me from the swing and carried me to the car.

**AN: This has been a long time coming. There will be more, but this is first sort of peak into Bella's actions and motivations.**

**Hope you guys enjoyed! **


	15. Ch 15: The Other Side

**Ch 15: The Other Side**

**~ Edward's POV~**

I absently traced lines with my fingertips as I looked down over the sleeping figure sprawled across my chest. From the angle I could see the deep circles under her eyes, telling me she suffered more than a few sleepless nights. But at least right now in my arms, she was utterly relaxed and seemingly content.

She was exhausted, rightfully so considering I had taken her flesh over and over. Like I had to prove how much I wanted her, _needed_ her. That whatever the past had taught us was a lie and only what was between us now was real. I had to show her how I worshipped the ground she walked on. To make her forget anything else.

Thinking about how much pain I caused made my stomach clench.

"…_but then you started talking… about me."_

I felt breathless. Completely and totally shocked.

"_You know what they say about eavesdroppers…"_

Nothing could have prepared me to find out she'd overheard me that day. And I wanted nothing more than to take it all back.

I saw the hurt as she re-lived the memory. I watched as the events unfolded on her face. There was no mistaking what she saw, because I saw it too.

How I discounted what she meant to me. How I'd spoken so cruelly about not needing or wanting her in my life.

My grip tightened around her now, pulling her closer to me. The ghost of a smile on her lips did little to assuage the aching in my chest.

I'd wanted to explain, wanted to tell her why I'd said such lies.

Because they were.

There wasn't an ounce of truth in anything I said that day. But she had come to her own conclusions, wrong though they were.

"_I get it, I really do. You were feeling defensive and said some stupid shit."_

Part of me wanted to be angry she thought so little of me. That I'd be willing to tear her down because my friends were giving me a hard time about liking her. But it wasn't the truth, or at least, not the whole truth.

Yet the only person I was angry at was myself.

I had caused every bit of my own heartache, and hers.

The thought was eating me up inside.

That she believed all these years that I didn't like her. That I'd seen her as some annoying kid who didn't know she wasn't wanted. And she had to endure all of that alone while watching her parents' marriage fall apart.

I wanted to rage against the injustice of her suffering. A suffering I'd had a hefty hand in.

It was a miracle she was even with me now. That she was willing to let our friendship re-bloom in wake of the wreckage I'd caused.

And I wondered what that meant.

Was she just letting the past go? So she could have peace and move on? I clenched my jaw hating how much I deserved it, and praying it wasn't the case.

"I can hear you thinking." Sleepy words mumbled against my chest.

Startled, I looked down.

Bella was still resting her head against my shoulder, eyes closed, face relaxed. I wondered for a short moment if imagined her speaking.

But then her eyes slowly opened to gaze at me knowingly.

"You can hear my thoughts huh?" I whispered back, tenderly brushing a lock of hair from her face.

She nodded into my shoulder.

"You're beating yourself up."

I winced. She wasn't wrong.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but I need to tell you why."

I thought she might argue, but instead she reached up a hand to stroke my cheek.

"Will it make you feel better?"

I turned my face to kiss her palm. It was just like her to be more concerned with what I needed than what she deserved.

"Probably not." I conceded. "But it's something I need to say."

She looked deeply at me before nodding. Letting me know she was willing to listen to whatever I needed to get off my chest. I realized how messed up that was, because if anything she should have been the one to make me listen to what she needed.

"Do you still believe what you heard me say that day?" It was the first thing I needed to address. I could argue until I was blue in the face about why I'd said it, but if she thought it was true then nothing else would matter.

Her brows drew in as she contemplated.

"I guess the part of me that is still hurt by it, still thinks it's true." I flinched at her admission. It was no less than what I deserved.

"But-" I looked over with anticipation. "A bigger part of me has started to accept that sometimes we say stupid things when we're mad. Especially thirteen-year-old boys who are getting teased about having a crush on their best friend."

Hope flared in my chest, though I was tortured by how much pain I had caused her.

"Why _did_ it bother you so much?" She gnawed on her lip as if she hadn't meant to ask the question. It was almost laughable; she was worried about asking too much when I owed her so much more.

"Bella," her eyes darted up to mine, "it _didn't _bother me that they thought I liked you."

Her brows furrowed deeply, as if she couldn't grasp what I meant.

"Do you remember the last day of school?" Her nod was slow, confused. "You remember how everyone was giving their crushes those stupid notes?"

Memory danced across her eyes and I could have sworn a light blush spread across her cheeks. She gave a small laugh.

"God, it was like a life or death thing."

I understood exactly what she meant. With the impending move to high school, everyone had broken out with the desire to confess their love to one another. But they had been too chicken to do it face to face. So instead, a sea of notes emerged, with their proclamations of adoration written down and passed around.

"I saw you give a note to Riley." I confessed watching her face.

Her brows shot up first, then she quickly sat up. The sheets pooled around her waist, exposing her breasts to the cool air. I felt my desire grow as her nipples tightened. I barely refrained from reaching out to caress the plump mounds.

Her eyes moved back and forth quickly as her thoughts ran wild.

"But- why would that-" she cut off looking at me thoroughly confused.

I did reach out then, to stroke her cheek.

"Because I _did _like you. And seeing you hand him that note, well, I guess I didn't take it too well."

Her mouth dropped open in shock.

"It wasn't from me." She blurted out in a rush. It was almost comical. Almost.

I nodded.

"Yeah. I figured that out later."

Unfortunately, too late. Riley and I had gone to the same party that summer. Even though we were friends, I was pissed. I remembered hedging around the topic, wanting to know if her liked her back. Much to both our surprise, he was completely shocked when I asked about Bella. It was then I found out Bella had simply been the messenger for her friend Kate.

"B-but- you were with Tanya?" Bella's adamant reply brought my head up. I winced again, realizing just how much that probably had cemented in her head that I didn't like her.

"Tanya was a mistake." I told her honestly. There was an unfathomable depth, and I knew she was lost. "She made it clear she wanted me. At the time I thought that you were into Riley, and I was pissed enough to act on it."

And that was the truth.

I hadn't given a damn about Tanya. The only person I'd ever had a hard on for was Bella. Even that very first night, when I'd plunged into the class slut, it was Bella in my head.

"Oh." The words were soft, and they held an edge of disbelief.

We sat in silence for a long moment. I watched as she was looking out the window, but not really seeing, caught up in her own head.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't resist asking.

Slowly, her eyes turned towards me.

"Just processing it all, I guess." She looked so contemplative. "Why didn't you ask me?"

My gut churned at her question.

"Because I was a stupid selfish little shit head." Her brows rose. "I just liked you so much then Bella. And when I thought you wanted Riley, I felt like the world's biggest idiot."

She turned to look back out the window.

"I guess I get that. I felt the same way when I heard you talking to Em and Jazz."

I winced at that.

"It's crazy isn't it?" She spoke softly after a moment. Her eyes turned again to meet mine. "We both didn't want to stop being there for each other, yet we wound up apart anyways."

Wasn't that the awful truth.

"It's pretty shitty alright."

She gave me a rueful smile.

"It might have taken a while, but I'm really glad we had this conversation."

I wasn't sure if I felt relieved or not. I was glad I understood, but also tortured by the fact I was the one who had caused us both so much pain.

"I wish we never needed to." My soft words breathed between us as I stroked her shoulder. She watched me with understanding eyes. It was far more than I deserved. "But I guess I can't change that."

"No, but you made it a lot better by talking to me. And now we both don't have to wonder why things happened the way they did."

Even though it was true, I still couldn't help but feel amazed she was so forgiving and with me now.

"I'm surprised you don't hate me."

Her startled look told me I'd caught her off guard.

"Why would I hate you?"

I shrugged.

"I ruined our friendship by being a jealous dumbass. I'm pretty sure that entitles you hating me."

Her head was shaking immediately.

"I was upset for a while, sure, but I could never hate you E. You were more than just my friend. You were family."

I got the distinct impression by saying I was family, she meant she loved me. That thought made my chest ache in inestimable ways. No matter how much I wanted to, I wouldn't ask, not yet. Right now I felt what we both needed was a level ground to get to know each other better again. To work on our friendship first and let her see how I would be her family again.

But for now, I rose a brow and did my best to take her mind off the sadness that had developed between us.

"I didn't know you had a brother-sister kink."

Her eyes rounded as she laughed loudly at my ridiculous suggestion. And just like that, all the tension between us was gone.

I placed a hand over her mouth and gave her a stern expression.

"Better be quiet _sis_, don't want dad to wake up dad."

Her eyes twinkled, peaking over the edge of my fingers.

"I think you're going a little _too_ deep into that joke."

I shrugged letting her go.

"I'd rather be _too_ deep in you." I winked.

She snorted and rolled her eyes.

"That sounds like a corny pickup line."

"Is there any other type of pickup line?"

She opened her mouth then promptly closed it.

"Hmm. You know, now you mention it, I don't think there is."

The purely contemplative look on her face had me cracking a smile.

"But it was an especially bad pickup line. Like from a porno or something."

That had me chuckling.

"Seen a lot of porn acting huh." I teased.

She wiggled her brows at me.

"You know it." Then she laughed. "Actually, no. I mean I've seen some, but it's not really my thing." She shrugged lightly.

Somehow, I wasn't surprised she admitted to watching porn, or the fact she didn't find it all that stimulating.

"Too much for you?" I teased.

She just laughed.

"Depends on what it is. I'm not into hardcore stuff, but some nice pussy licking POV I can get down with."

The idea of her liking to watch women get eaten out was pretty fucking hot. But at the moment I was more curious about her hang-ups.

"What exactly would you consider hardcore?" I hoped anal wasn't on that list, as I still very much wanted to do that with her.

Her nose scrunched as she contemplated my question.

"Uh, just really rough sex I guess. I'm not against anything in particular, but I don't enjoy watching something that looks painful. I could be wrong, but it doesn't look like it feels good."

Okay, so that was somewhat ambiguous.

"So it's not the act itself, it's how roughly its done?"

She nodded her head.

"Yeah, I mean there are a lot of things that I think could be enjoyable if it didn't look so aggressive. Light spanking is fine, biting is fine, pulling hair is fine. But if you do it too hard, it would hurt."

I was glad she clarified, because that meant a lot more was on the table than I originally thought.

"So, apart from your partner not being an asshole that tries to cause pain, is there anything you just wouldn't want to try."

She shrugged again.

"The only thing that immediately comes to mind is choking." She grimaced. "That freaks me out and it's too easy to actually hurt someone even if they were being gentle."

I couldn't disagree with that.

"Good to know you won't try to suffocate me then."

She slapped my chest lightly, while rolling her eyes.

"At least not during sex." She grinned. "So is there a reason you want to know my limits? And by that, what I'm really asking, is there something you want to do, but you're afraid to ask?"

I hated how transparent I was, but it was probably a good thing she was so direct.

"Maybe I just want to know because we are having sex and I want to make sure I never do anything to hurt you." Her smile softened as she looked at me.

"You've never hurt me." Her words filled me with the greatest warmth. Though I felt she should have said, I'd never hurt her physically considering the emotional pain I had caused both of us these past few years.

But instead of correcting her, I took her hand and kissed her palm.

"And there isn't any other reason?" She asked after a moment. I looked up into her eyes knowing I'd never pressure her for anything.

"The only reason that matters I already said."

Her frown of displeasure was immediate.

"You're worried about pressuring me to do something you think I won't like?"

Sometimes I really did feel like she was a mind reader.

"Nothing gets past you huh?" Her smirk was soft, and her eyes were pleading that I tell her what I wanted. I sighed, knowing it was best I just tell her. "I'm interested in a few things, but mostly I was wondering if you would ever feel comfortable enough to consider having anal sex."

Her brows rose and a grin spread across her face.

"Is that all?"

Of course that was her reaction.

"I take it that means you're not opposed to the idea."

Her chuckle was immediate. And she gave a raised brow to the space between my legs.

"We'd have to go slow, but I'm not against it."

Unable to stop myself. I grabbed her to me with the intent of kissing her senseless.

A few minutes later I realized I was the one feeling dazed. Those lips were sin and boy did I want another taste.

"You keep kissing me like that, and I won't say no to anything." She joked, but her stifled yawn did not get past me.

It was really unfortunate I had nearly exhausted us both so much already, or I would have taken her again.

"I've already worn you out enough for one night, so you're safe until we're both recovered."

She laughed drowsily as I kissed her forehead.

"Mmkay. Sleep now, butt sex later."

I chuckled, and tucked her to my side, where she snuggled into me once more.

Within moments she was fast asleep a smile on her lips. And I was praying I could keep her like that forever.

**AN: Sorry for the extended time to update. Grad student life man.. I haven't slept in days. But I had a break (finally!) and wanted to get this out.**

**Hope you enjoyed! Sorry if the transitions were a little rough, I would have worked on this more, but I figured you guys were read for an update.**

**Let me know what you thought and if you'd be interested in some sexy sex scenes ;)**


	16. Ch 16: La La La La Push!

**Ch 16: La La La La Push!**

**~ Bella's POV~**

I had been prepared for many things after I admitted to Edward I had overheard him that day. I though he might deny it. I'd thought he might brush it off with the 'we were kids who said stupid things' attitude. Or worse, maybe have no recollection of having said it at all.

In fact, I thought the best-case scenario was some sort of belated apology and a desire to move on immediately.

But his obvious devastation told me I had thought wrong. And his explanation for his behavior, _that_ had blown my mind.

He had freaking liked me the whole time?!

It didn't matter that this was long ago, it felt so real and new to me now. Though we had only talked about the past, I was starting to wonder if he still liked me.

But even so, our reconnection had me in fear of moving too quickly. I didn't want to lose him again. And if I was being honest, I wasn't sure if I was ready for anything more than the friendship we were moving back into.

There was just so much going on in my life I didn't feel ready to talk about. Things a real girlfriend would confide in her partner about.

Could I tell him about dad?

Was I prepared for that, and Edward's reaction?

The answer was a resounding _no_.

No matter how much I wanted things with Edward to progress, to call him mine and it be real, I wasn't really ready for it. I recognized that it would never be real if I was holding a big part of myself and my life back from him.

He deserved far more and better than that.

So, I had resolved to continue our friendship and not push myself for anything more. I wasn't sure what to expect from Edward either, how he might interpret our conversation. But he too seemed content to be friends. Well, friends that fucked like rabbits that is.

I couldn't help the grin that came whenever I thought about it. He had yet to show me the ways of butt-play, but I assumed it was only a matter of time. I'd been holding out to tease us both, though truthfully, he never pressured me for it anyways.

Maybe, I thought with an excited thrill, we would do it tonight, after the game.

Everyone was getting psyched up about the big game against LaPush tonight. Our biggest, and yet somehow friendliest rivals.

And I imagined if we won or lost, Edward would appreciate joining a party in the back. Wink-wink.

"What has you grinning?"

I turned to Angela, who was busy curling her hair in the mirror, my smile still in place.

"Oh, just thinking about celebrating after the game."

She didn't miss the meaning in my voice.

Her eyes widened and a smile of her own swept across her face.

We had talked plenty over the past week.

She had updated me on her relationship with Ben; all was going very well now that they had talked.

Apparently, he hadn't been ready for sex and was afraid to do anything that might suggest otherwise to Ange. Which is exactly what I figured. Ange, of course, took it well and promised she wasn't interested in pressuring him. She was very happy to report that they were back to heavy petting with caveat all major clothes stayed on.

I didn't bother mentioning you could still have sex with all your clothes on. I was just glad she was happy again.

In return, I told her about mine and Edward's conversation. She was heartbroken for us both, but also glad we had worked it out. Though it was difficult to convince her we still weren't really dating. She'd had a few words about that, something about us both being 'blithering idiots, blind to what's in front of us', or something like that.

I took her comments for what they were, the words of a loving friend who just wanted me to be happy. She didn't understand my hang-ups, because even though she knew more about my life than anyone else, she still didn't know everything that happened with my dad. How bad his alcoholism had gotten in recent years. And I wasn't ready to explain. To her. And definitely not to Edward.

"So," She elbowed me, getting my attention, "have big plans?" She asked knowingly.

I might have also mentioned I was interested in doing butt-stuff with Edward. Ange had been a mixture of intrigued and horrified at first. Now I think she just thought it was hilarious.

"Maybe." I wiggled a brow at her.

"You're far more adventurous than me."

"So true," I deadpanned, earning myself a disgruntled glare, before we both grinned.

"Okay, fine. Technically you're right." Her eyes rolled as she said it. "You're still gonna go the beach party tonight though right?"

I gave her a look. We were literally getting ready for the game together. As if I would just ditch her right after.

"Duh. Butt sex won't keep me from coming," I winked.

She snorted loudly.

"You're terrible. I was just making sure I still had a ride tonight." She teased.

"Using me for my truck. Can't say I blame you though. He's a beast."

She laughed, but more gently this time.

"You have issues."

She wasn't wrong.

"And yet you're still my friend. Wonder what that says about you?" I inquired with a raised brow. She just shook her head, while somehow managing to curl it at the same time.

"I have terrible taste, what can I say?" She joked giving me another gentle nudge.

It was my turn to snort.

"You almost done? Kick-off is soon ya know." I taunted, while pulling on a freshly coiled strand of her raven hair. She smacked my hand away neatly.

"Some of us want to look nice for our man." Her pointed look towards my wardrobe was noted. I rolled my eyes, but gave my appearance a once over in the mirror.

I wasn't dolled up, but I didn't look bad either. My dark jeans and rich purple sweater were simple, but complimented my figure well. I had forgone any makeup, because, well I just didn't like wearing the stuff. And Edward didn't seem to mind. I had at least taken a few minutes to smooth my normally wild hair into soft waves.

I didn't think I looked half bad. I was pretty sure Ange didn't think so either, she just liked to pick on my lack of fashion.

"Eh, the whole looking good for your man thing seems a little sexist and outdated if you ask me."

To which Ange just laughed.

"Only if you do it because it's expected. I do it because it makes me feel good and I enjoy it." She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Well that's the difference. I don't enjoy it, so I don't do it." I tapped her nose lightly, making her scrunch the feature in response.

"Fine, fine. You actually don't look half bad. I'm kinda surprised you're _not_ wearing flannel for once. Did you miss laundry day or something?"

That made me grin. Most of my wardrobe was some variation of flannel. Most of which I had gotten from the Goodwill.

"Har-dee-har. I do have some clothes that aren't plaid." Though I was very aware the sweater I was wearing was only one of the three non-checkered long-sleeved shirts that I owned.

"Positively shocking!"

I swatted at her again.

"All jokes aside, you do look very nice." She told me sweetly. I returned the smile, glad to have a friend like Ange. "Okay, I am ready now." She said after giving herself a final appraisal.

"Thank goodness. I might be able to get some peanuts before the line gets super long."

She shook her head at me like the basket case I was.

"You are a nut. Come on, lets go before you waste away, my precious legume."

Our combined laughter echoed through the house as we made our way outside.

…

"Oh shit, did you see that pass?! That was insane! That Ephraim kid has one hell of an arm." Erik announced loudly.

I glanced at the scoreboard on the side-line gritting my teeth slightly as I saw we were only behind by a few points.

"You're not supposed to be excited for the other team." I scolded gently, but honestly the new La Push quarterback, Ephraim Black, was pretty frigin awesome.

"I can't help it." Erik said in a half-amazed tone. "I mean we like those guys anyways, but man that kid has talent. We might lose this year."

Which wasn't altogether too concerning, as the La Push Wolves were not actually in our division, so the game was more for fun than for state championships. The games started a long time ago back before a formal team even existed between the two schools. Then as time went on, they kept the match as a form of tradition. It's probably why the rivalry was a friendly one, since it didn't hurt either team's ability to go to state.

"Ugh, I know we won last year, but it just seems a shame to lose when we're seniors." Erik nodded his head in silent agreement.

"You have to admit, this has been a great game though. Even if we lose it's gotta be one of the best we've ever had." Ange commented.

She wasn't wrong.

The teams were usually closely matched in ability which is what made it so much fun to watch. But this time it was so much more intense. Edward had helped lead the team to victory last year, but the new QB for La Push was equally as good. They were constantly battling for points on the field. Matching each other for yards, passes, and touchdowns nearly every play.

Edward had been running so much I was certain he was going to be exhausted when he finally came off the field.

Now the time was running out and we had the ball, but La Push was in the lead. So it was really anyone's game.

We watched in silent fascination as Jasper threw an incredible pass, lining us up right near the end zone.

My stomach was tight, knowing that if they got the touchdown we would win. It was fourth down, three seconds on the clock. As the seconds ticked by, we breathed with the players. Clenching our jaws as their defensive line crashed with our offensive.

And it happened.

Edward Cullen pushed through across the line.

The roaring in the stadium was thunderous with yelling and applause as we officially won the game.

I looked to my friends a grin on my face.

"We did it!" We all screamed in unison. I wondered if winning state would feel this good, yet somehow I doubted it.

"Oh my god! That was so close. Ahhh." Erik yelled jumping up and down with the crowd.

Fans flooded the field to congratulate the team for the win. I watched as our boys cheered dancing around slapping each other on the back. I was so proud I could hardly stand it.

"I'm going to find Ben!" Ange yelled as she ran down the steps excitedly.

"We need to get out there too. Come on Bella. Let's go get your man!" Erik nudged me with a grin.

I tried not to wince as I considered how Edward wasn't mine. And how this victory wasn't one I had a right to feel this proud of.

"Ha. I'm not going out there in this craziness. I'll find him when this mess calms down." I joked, pointing to the mass of people now collected on the field.

"Ugh, you're such a spoil sport. Half the fun is the crowd!" He announced pushing past me to make his way to the field with everyone else.

I watched from the stands as friends embraced friends, families pulled each other into little huddles, and loved ones held each other close. It made me feel both sad happy and undeniably sad.

As the crowd slowly dissipated, I shook off my unhappy thoughts and headed down the steps to the edge of the field. I could actually see Edward now. He was talking with Ephraim and another player whose shirt read ATEARA across the back. He was wearing a big dopey smile on his face that made we want to leap into his arms and kiss him senseless.

Instead I forced myself to walk over with an unhurried pace, keeping a tight hold on my composure.

The closer I got the louder their laughs sounded, and I couldn't keep the grin off my face seeing how happy Edward was.

His eyes darted to the side, making contact with mine and his smile widened. Butterflies ricocheted around my stomach from the look he gave me.

"Hey! Come on over," he called to me, causing the guys to turn.

The friendly 'Hello' I was preparing to speak died on my lips as I recognized one of their faces.

"Bella?" "Jacob?" We called simultaneously.

The joy that lit inside me, bloomed at the unexpected, but wholly welcome happenstance. Before I knew it, he had scooped me up into a great bear hug and was swinging me around.

"I can't believe it!"

"Me either!"

"Look at you!"

The words were exchanged in rapid succession.

"Holy crap! You're so tall." I stepped back and circled around him like mother checking her children before letting them out of the house.

"And you're still tiny!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Still big enough to take you!" I threw a couple of light jabs that landed softly on his now rock-hard abs.

"Careful. You might break your hand doing that." He laughed.

"No shit. Damn, when did you get all muscled up? What happened to the scrawny boy who taught me how to spear fish with a sharp stick?"

"I grew up kid."

"Kid? Ha! I'm older than you." I reminded him.

"But I'm taller, so that basically makes me older." He told me smugly.

"I knew you sucked at math, but here I thought you were at least decent in biology."

He poked me in the side for the comment.

"What the hell are you doing here anyhow? When did you move? And since when do you go by Ephraim?"

He chuckled lightly at the onslaught of my questions.

"Well, I live here now; we moved past summer. I told you I have family here." He reminded me with an affectionate hair ruffle.

I had forgotten that his grandfather lived in these parts, and holy hell, what a surprise.

"And Ephraim is technically my first name, I just preferred Jacob. But I'm named after my grandpa so everyone here always knew me by that name. When we made the move, I figured I'd just go with it."

Well that explained why I had no clue. Part of me couldn't believe I had been hearing his name these past months and never even knew it was him. Not to mention the entire game I just sat through!

"You guys know each other?" A voice asked, bringing our attention back to our audience. The boy who had spoken was the one with ATEARA written on his shirt. He like, Jacob, stood about six feet tall and had dark brown hair. His face was drawn in curious fascination at our exchange. Edward, on the other hand, was curiously devoid of any emotion. I wondered what to make of that.

"Yeah. Me and Dimples here go way back."

I groaned at the old nickname.

"You would bring that up, _Slim-Jim_." I told him snarkily. To which he let out a hearty laugh.

"Doesn't really apply anymore, _Dimples_. I'm guessing you can't say the same." He winked. I raised a single brow.

"Wouldn't you like to find out." I sassed, before we both broke out in huge grins once again.

"Y'all used to date or something?" Ateara asked with a soft smile on his face.

"Or something." Jacob winked at me. I just rolled my eyes.

"We went to camp together a while ago." I clarified, watching Edward stiffen a fraction. "I'm Bella by the way."

"Quil, or Ateara." He responded with a smile.

"It's really nice to meet you. So are y'all going to the beach?" There was an undeniable note of hope in my voice. I was just so happy to see Jake again. I wanted to see how he was doing. How his mom was. Life in general.

"Of course. Can't get rid of me that easily." Jake teased. "We do need to meet up with the others though. Gotta get changed first then we'll be out that way."

I nodded my understanding, but before I could say anything, he placed a small kiss on my cheek.

"See you in a bit Bells." Then he and Quil hurried off the field, leaving me alone with Edward.

I turned to him a little uncertain as to what to say.

"Wow, okay, sorry about that." I attempted to apologize thought I wasn't even sure what for. I mean Jake was my past, and Edward and I didn't really have a clear relationship, but still I felt like I owed him an apology.

"What's to be sorry about?" His voice was tight, making my stomach sink. "Anyways, I need to go change myself. I'll see you at the beach later."

He didn't bother giving me a kiss before he walked away.

I stared at his back more than a little dumbfounded, wondering for the millionth time in my life, what did I do wrong?

**AN: Ugh.. the feels! How did you feel about Jacob's introduction? And how does Edward feel about this newcomer?**

**Sorry my peeps for taking so long to update. I have excuses.. lots of them.. It's been a struggle to have time to write, but I am still working on this fic, though updates may take longer than I'd like to get out to you. Hope you are all well! Thanks for all the love!**


	17. Ch 17: One Broken Glass

**Ch 17: One Broken Glass**

**~ Bella's POV~**

Thankfully Ange was too wrapped up in the win to question why I had gotten so quiet all the sudden. When I'd found her after Edward walked away, she had been in a dreamy haze from making out with Ben I was sure.

Though I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't find it in me to ruin her night with my nervousness over Edward's cold shoulder.

I mean, he was probably just tired. It _had _been a long game.

But no matter how much I wanted to convince myself otherwise, I knew he was upset with mine and Jake's exchange.

I wondered if that meant he liked me as more than a friend. If that was the case, then his reaction made sense. Sort of.

It's not like I had been all over Jacob. I was jut so excited to see him again. It had been so long. And even though we had a sexual history, that wasn't the part I was thinking about. It was the friendship we had. How I had confided in him about so much of the crap I dealt with from my dad. And he had told me about the shit that went on at home for him too.

It was similar to how Ange and I had bonded. And that's the part I missed. Our friendship.

But it would be hard to explain that to Edward without getting into details I wasn't ready to discuss with him.

Still, his reaction worried me. Was it because he saw Jacob as a threat to our friendship? Or because he wanted more?

I was gnawing my lip as I drove towards the beach, and I hoped whatever was going on with Edward that he would talk to me about it.

When we arrived, I tried not to dwell on my thoughts, but rather helped set up for when the players started to arrive. We built fires, got food ready, set up chairs if needed, and anything else that needed to be done.

It wasn't too long after that the boys started showing up. I kept my eyes on the lookout for Edward, but he wasn't there yet. So, I hung out with the group and even managed to take my mind off of things for a little while when Rose and Alice arrived.

They were so excited from the game and not to mention their over the top performance. It was so nice just spending time with everyone and seeing how happy they were. Their joy was simply contagious.

But as more people arrived and Edward had yet to show, my lightheartedness started dimming.

Not wanting to bring anyone down, I slipped away un-noticed by the group to walk along the shore.

I had taken my shoes off and was letting the waves lap at my feet when footsteps fell in beside me.

"So, I think I need to apologize."

I scrunched my nose in confusion.

"What would you have to apologize for?" I asked without looking at him.

"For potentially causing issues with you and Cullen."

I sighed at how perceptive he was, even though it had been forever since we'd spent time together.

"You don't need to apologize Jake. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Come on Bella. If my girl's EX kissed her, no matter how innocently, I'd be pretty pissed about it."

I stopped to look at the waves before I spoke, knowing I wouldn't be able to lie to him anyways.

"I'm not technically his girl."

I could tell that caught him off guard.

"Are you messing with me? Because, I got reamed by half my team when they found out I kissed Edward's girlfriend on the cheek."

Seeing he had now caught _me_ off guard, he clarified.

"We might be rivals, but all the guys are friends with Edward. And there's a lot of loyalty there too. So you wanna explain that earlier comment?"

I sighed again, gearing up to explain as concisely as I could.

"Look, between us, it's not real. It's a fake relationship."

His eyes widened considerably.

"Okay, you're definitely gonna have to explain that one."

And I realized I wanted to. Maybe he could shed some insight that I was obviously missing.

I motioned for him to sit on the beach and I joined his side.

Then I told him everything.

From how Mike was harassing me and spread rumors, how Edward suggested we go with it, to how we were now re-kindling our old friendship and also happened to be having sex.

"Bella, you're an idiot."

I gave him a disgruntled look.

"Gee, thanks."

He shook his head.

"No. I mean I can't believe you think Edward doesn't like you. It's so obvious it's downright painful to listen to your story."

I threw myself back in the sand with an exaggerated sigh.

"How is it obvious? He hasn't told me he likes me. And just because he did in the past doesn't mean he does now. And don't give me some crap about how because we're having sex it means something. Plenty of people have sex without being emotionally involved. I mean come on, we're a prime example of that."

Jake was strangely silent.

"About that…"

I sat up quickly, eyes wide.

"No!" I said horrified, but he gave me a sheepish grin. "You told me you didn't have feelings for me. Outright told me that. We agreed we were just friends with benefits. And you're the one that told me you had feelings for someone else and so we went back to just being friends with no sex." I disagreed passionately.

He was shaking his head at me and motioning for me to calm down. So I tried.

"Okay listen. We were just friends, but I did start to have greater feelings for you. I mean you were really there for me when I needed it. And you cared for me in ways that no-one else had. But I knew that neither of us were ready for a real, romantic relationship.

"My point is, that even though, technically, yes, we were never more than friends, I can see how a real relationship with you would have been natural. The only thing that really kept that from happening is that we spent so much time apart during the year, and the calls and texts just weren't enough. I did fall for someone else eventually, but I'm just saying that if I hadn't met Nessie, I probably would have tried to date you."

I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

"But… I don't understand that. I mean friends can be there for each other without it being more."

He nodded his head.

"Yeah but come on Bella. You know it's always more than that with you. You're not just there. You actively try to make people's lives better. You really care about the happiness of others and when someone talks to you, you really listen. Having that, on top of a physical attraction is literally grounds for _love_. You have a real relationship with Edward even if neither of you are willing to admit it."

I shook my head.

"God you are so stubborn. Why do you think what you have isn't real?"

The exasperation in his tone was clear.

"I think we have a real friendship. And I think everything you said has more to do with being a genuine person than someone's partner. I understand that would be a good trait to have in a partner and how having that with someone might make you start thinking about them that way, I'm just not convinced that's what Edward and I have."

He gave me a long look.

"Can you at least admit you have feelings for him. Real, genuine, romantic feelings."

I gnawed my lip but nodded my head.

"Yeah. I can admit that."

A small smile eased onto his face.

"He feels the same way Bella. As a guy and based on everything I saw, I can promise you that."

I didn't say anything for a moment.

"He walked away from me after you left." I admitted in a small voice. I was still really worried about that.

"Well that just proves my point more. I mean personally I think he's an idiot for walking away, but jealousy makes you do stupid things."

"Jealousy? What's there to be jealous about?"

He shook his head at me.

"Come on Bella. How would you feel if one of Edward's smoking hot EX's showed up, and he was excited to see her, and she kissed his cheek?"

Just the thought had my stomach churning. But it also made me angry.

"So you're saying I can't have guy friends that I joke around with? You're my friend, and I was excited to see you. It'd be different if I got to see you all the time, or even if I knew you were in town ahead of time. It was just like a really nice surprise. How do you not get excited over that?"

"I'm not saying you're wrong. You should be able to have friends and joke around as much as you like. But from what you've told me, both of you really like each other, but neither of you is willing to admit it. And since you won't admit it, there's a lot of insecurity. He doesn't know you like him, so of course he's gonna feel threatened by me. He doesn't even have the benefit of knowing me either, so he doesn't know that I'm not the type of person to steal someone else's girlfriend."

Though he was making sense, my head was still having a hard time believing.

"You really think that's what this is? That he likes me and this whole thing is just both of us being insecure?"

He nodded his head.

"A perfectly concise way of putting it."

Then this gave me a whole different set of worries.

"Then I guess I should break things off."

The thought alone had my heart throbbing.

"Why?" His voice was almost tortured.

"Because if you're right, and he really likes me back, then I shouldn't drag this out and make it more painful for both of us."

"What could possibly be more painful than breaking up with him before he even has the chance to really be yours?" Jake was confused and clearly outraged on Edward's behalf. I could have smiled if I didn't feel so much like throwing up.

"Is this because of Rene?"

My head whipped around and I was suddenly standing, shaking with anger before I even realized what I was doing.

"Don't you ever talk about that woman in front of me ever again!" I hissed. I felt so irrationally angry. I could tell I surprised him. That he wasn't aware how much I still hurt.

"I wasn't trying to bring up old hurt. I'm just saying maybe you need to consider the fact that you have a hard time letting people in because of her."

Unwanted tears were rolling down my cheeks. Because even though I knew he was somewhat right, I couldn't let it go. Not when it still affected me so much.

I turned away as I tried to get my emotions and breathing back under control. It was so rare for me to lose it like that.

Warm hands patted my shoulder.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. I know it's a touchy subject, I really didn't mean to upset you. I just think you should give Edward a chance. Really let him in. You're great at being there for other people, but you need to learn to accept help too."

He was right, but he was also so wrong. I couldn't let anyone in. There was just too much pain, too many things I wanted to hide away from. And if I couldn't face them, how could I expect anyone else to?

"It was really good to see you again Jake, but I think I need to go home. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." My voice was tight, and I didn't allow myself to glance back, afraid that what I'd see would make me break down before I could make it home.

I walked past the others quickly, praying my departure would go un-noticed. Thankfully Ange had already arranged to ride home with Ben, so I didn't have to worry about her. I knew I should probably let her know I was leaving, but I couldn't risk stopping to talk.

Instead I sent a quick text telling her I wasn't feeling well and was heading home. I didn't check for a reply, but left as quickly as I could. The pressure in my chest was building as old memories played in my head. Pain bloomed within me and I was struggling to breathe. I knew I was going to have a meltdown, I just needed to make it home first.

I was barely in the door before the sobs broke through, my chest heaving painfully. I doubled over, trying to choke back the emotion that was hell bent on coming through. In the back of my mind I knew I must be having a panic attack, so I staggered to the kitchen for a glass a water and the old bottle of anti-anxiety meds I had been prescribed years ago but rarely used.

I was shaking so badly I was having a hard time holding on to the glass. And then it slipped, crashing to the counter, slicing my wrist in one unfortunate mishap.

As the blood gushed from my wrist, my knees gave out. The mixture of my hyperventilating and seeing blood had my head swimming. I felt too weak to move so I simply sat on the floor, clutching my hand to my chest trying to remain calm while keeping pressure on the wound.

"What the fuck!?"

My head snapped up at the words.

Edward was standing in the kitchen a look of pure horror on his face.

I wanted to re-assure him that I was okay, but I couldn't find my voice to talk.

And suddenly he was at my side, pulling my arm away from my body to wrap my wrist in a dishcloth.

"Th-anks." I managed after a few minutes of watching him work to stop the bleeding.

Then he was lifting me off the floor, but I was too tired to object.

"Dad! Help!" He yelled as we crossed the yard, but the sound was somewhat muted to my ears.

My head just felt so dizzy, so I closed my eyes.

"What happened?" The soft yet deep voice of Carlisle Cullen spoke as his gentle hands moved across mine.

"I don't know. I found her on the kitchen floor, there was a bottle of pills on the counter and glass was everywhere." Edward's voice was rushed, and higher than usual.

"Bella, I need you to tell me, did you take any pills?"

I might have been embarrassed if my head wasn't still spinning.

"N-no. P-anic atta-ck. G-lass sl-ipped." I tried to speak, but I was shaking, and my words weren't coming out clearly. I took a few calming breaths as I tried to get the shaking under control.

"You were having a panic attack and you dropped a glass?" He re-iterated I was sure for clarity. This time I nodded my head.

"And you didn't have any pills?"

"No." I wasn't sure if he believed me, but he didn't pressure me about it again.

"You said you found her on the floor? Bella did you fall? Hit your head?"

I carefully shook my head, trying not to make myself any dizzier than necessary. He was inspecting my eyes and looking at me for confirmation.

"My kn-ees gave out w-hen I saw the bl-ood." I took another calming breath as I tried to clear the fogginess from my mind. "I di-dn't hit my h-ead."

His nod was short.

"Did you see the cut? Was it big?" This time he spoke to Edward.

"It wasn't huge, but it looked deep." His voice was somewhat calmer now, but it held a tense edge.

"Do you know how much blood she lost?"

"Just whatever's on her shirt and the towel."

Carlisle gave everything a once over, nodding his head.

I didn't think I had lost much blood. Just the sight of it had made me so dizzy. That and the fact I was hyperventilating.

"I'm gonna look at the cut okay?" he warned. I looked away. I wasn't sure I could stomach seeing it again.

My stomach lurched slightly as I felt the release of pressure as he unwound the cloth from my arm.

"Okay, this isn't too bad. A little deep, you'll need stitches, but not a transfusion or anything, which was my immediate concern."

That was good at least.

"Cool." I mumbled as he continued to inspect the injury. I focused on breathing and trying to quell the nausea.

"Edward, can you go get Bella a cup of water?" I noticed Edward stiffened but did as asked. I assumed Carlisle sent him away because he wanted to ask the question again.

"I did-n't take any p-ills." I said immediately, stumbling a lot less over my words this time. Carlisle gave me a small smile.

"Pretty transparent, aren't I?"

I gave a weak smile.

"Th-ey were for my panic at-tack. Just Valium." I told him directly.

He nodded while disinfecting the cut on my wrist.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better. The s-care kinda knock-ed me out of it."

"Do you get panic attacks often?" His voice was casual, but it made me feel uncomfortably scrutinized.

I shrugged in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

"Not really. Every on-ce in a while."

"How often is every once in a while?" he pressed.

"Bad ones? May-be twice a year." He nodded, listening.

"And the not so bad ones?"

I sighed.

"Every other month or so." Now that I had calmed and was starting to feel better, I was getting embarrassed. "My arm okay?" I asked hoping to change the topic. Carlisle gave me a look that told me exactly what he thought of that.

"You should probably have a few stitches put in, but otherwise it looks like a clean cut."

I nodded but was still careful not to look at the gash.

"Can you stitch it? Or do I have to go to the hospital?"

I prayed not. Hospitals could be very expensive, and I really didn't have the money for that kind of thing.

I don't know if he sensed the hesitancy in my voice or noticed the uneasiness in my eyes, but he shook his head.

"I can set you up with some temporary stitches. They won't be as good as what you'd get in the hospital, but it'll give you a week of coverage. If they don't hold well, you may have to go in."

Nodding my head, I silently promised myself not to do anything to stress my stiches out.

Edward came back in then with a cup of water in hand. I noticed it was in a plastic cup rather than glass. I guess it was a good call all things considered.

"Thanks." I said softly, taking a few sips from the cup.

Neither of us spoke as Carlisle stitched me up. I was too embarrassed about the whole situation, and I'm pretty sure Edward was freaked out about it.

I wondered why he wasn't at the beach, and more so, how he had known I was in trouble and found me. My stomach churned thinking about how this might affect us moving forward.

I wasn't just being dramatic when I mentioned to Jake about breaking it off. If Edward really did have feelings for me, then it probably would be kinder to both of us for me to end it now. He deserved better than the half-truth version of my life he knew.

Thankfully, Carlisle made quick work of my arm, so I didn't have to endure the tense silence of my thoughts for long.

"That should do it." He finished winding the gauze around my wrist, protecting the new set of stitches. "Change the gauze frequently, check for infection and keep the cut clean." His voice was both firm and gentle. A true doctorly experience.

"Will do. Thanks. Sorry for the scare." I gave an apologetic smile.

"Just glad we were here to help. I hate to leave you, but my shift at the hospital starts soon." He glanced at his watch with a frown. "I'm guessing your dad wasn't home, maybe I can give him a quick call."

That had my heart beating rapidly again.

"That's not necessary." My words rushed out, and I could tell it surprised and concerned Carlisle. "I mean, I can call him." I forced myself to speak calmly and gave what I hoped was a convincing laugh.

"If you call him, he'd probably freak out. I'd just rather do it so he knows I'm okay." I clarified, hoping he would let it go and not insist on calling himself.

Carlisle gave me a long look but nodded, handing me his cell phone. He motioned for Edward to walk out with him, giving me a little bit of privacy.

I looked down at the phone, hating how much I didn't want to make the call. But I figured he would know if I didn't try.

My fingers punched in the number unthinkingly, muscle memory taking over. I didn't bother calling my dad, he wouldn't pick up and the thought of him drunk calling Carlisle back in the middle of the night made me nauseous.

Instead I called the one place he was bound to be.

"_This is Waylon."_ The man spoke shortly, the loud sounds of country music and drunks cheering filling the background.

"Hey, Waylon. It's Bella. Is dad there?"

"_Oh. Hey Bella. Yeah, he's here. You okay darlin?"_ His voice held concern that made my eyes water. The local bartender shouldn't care more about my well-being than my own dad, but hey, that was my life.

"Umm, yeah. I mean, I just had a little accident at the house. I'm fine. I was just gonna let him know, if, uh, I could get through to him." What a polite way to say it. We both knew I was asking if he was so drunk that he wouldn't know who I was, much less care if I was okay.

"_Oh. Uh. Maybe? I can put him on?" _His hesitancy wasn't encouraging, but I figured I had to try.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"_Course, darlin."_ Sounds shifted in the background and I heard Waylon shout over the den of noise. _"Hey, Charlie! Your baby girl is on the phone."_

I cringed. More shuffling sounds.

"_Haayy baaby. You called mee!"_

The slurring was distinct, but at least he knew who I was.

"Hey dad."

"_Heyy m-my darter is onn the phone." _I had no idea who he was talking to, and he was excited to hear from me apparently. I tried not to think about how much that made my heart ache.

"Umm, I'm fine, but I just wanted to let you know that I had a little accident. I cut my hand on a glass, but Carlisle stitched me up and I'm fine now."

"_You cuutt youseef? Belllla, nooo!"_

I winced.

"It was a little accident. I'm okay."

"_Hii okay! I'm daad!" _He giggled at his joke.

I sighed, wondering how much he was actually understanding.

"Yes. I am okay. I just wanted to let you know."

"_Le'mee know whaat?"_

I gritted my teeth.

"That I cut my hand." I repeated. Loud shouts sounded on the other side, making me wince. "Dad?"

Background noise filled the speaker for a seemingly long time. I hung my head in defeat. He probably set the phone down.

"_Hey Bella? You still there?"_ Waylon was back on.

"Yeah. It's okay. Thanks for trying for me."

There was a long pause between us.

"_You sure you're okay? I can have Molly come get you, take you to the doctor?"_ The offer was sweet, but I didn't want to see anyone. Even Waylon's very sweet wife. I was already embarrassed enough about the mishap.

"Oh, um, Dr. Cullen actually already gave me a once over. I'm fine now. Really."

He sighed gently.

"_Alright then. How about I drop Charlie off at the house later, after I close up?"_

My throat bobbed as unwanted emotions filled me.

"Thanks. I'll leave some money in the box for you."

"_Aww, Bella, you don't need to do that. You just take care of yourself honey."_

The concern was nearly more than I could bare.

"Thanks Way. I will."

The pit in my stomach was growing ever larger. I hated the feeling of helplessness that was threatening to engulf me. Determined not to let myself wallow in self-pity, I snapped the phone closed.

Carlisle and Edward entered almost immediately after; both of their expressions were concerned.

I tried not to think about how much of that conversation they likely overheard.

"Thanks." I handed Carlisle back his cell.

"Everything okay?"

I nodded.

"Yeah. He'll won't be home for a little bit, but I'm really fine though. I feel a lot better now anyways."

His frown was prominent, but we both knew there wasn't anything he could really do about it.

"I don't like the idea of you being alone." I should have expected the remark, he was a doctor. Still I wasn't sure what to do about it.

I opened my mouth to say something when Edward spoke up.

"She won't be." He stepped to my side, surprising me when he laid a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"You don't-" I stopped mid-sentence when his eyes cut sharply to mine. I guessed there was no way around the coming conversation.

He and Carlisle shared a look. I wasn't even sure if Carlisle knew we were 'seeing' each other, but whatever he saw in Edward's eyes must have satisfied him, because he gave a nod of approval.

"You call me if you start to feel even a little bit sick, okay?" I nodded wordlessly. He looked to Edward. "I'll see you in the morning. Be safe tonight."

They shared a hug that made my heart throb with longing for things I couldn't have.

And when the front door closed signaling Carlisle's departure, the pit in my stomach grew.

Edward eye's bored into mine for a long moment before he spoke.

"I think we need to talk."

**AN: Well that escalated quickly. I always worry about how realistic a dramatic scene is set up, but sometimes I just want to go for it. Hopefully y'all enjoy a little dramatic flair!**

**Thanks for all the love you guys! **


	18. Ch 18: We Need to Talk

**Ch 18: We Need to Talk**

**~ Bella's POV~**

_And when the front door closed signaling Carlisle's departure, the pit in my stomach grew. _

_Edward's eyes bored into mine for a long moment before he spoke._

"_I think we need to talk."_

I knew it was coming, but I hated it regardless.

With a sigh and shake of my head I looked away.

"I'm not suicidal." My voice was resigned with defeat as I doubted he believed me.

"I know Bella."

My head popped up to look over at him in disbelief.

"You actually believe me?"

He gave me a long look before nodding his head slightly.

"I think if you were serious about killing yourself, there wouldn't have been anything left for me to save."

The words shocked me to a certain degree. Because he was right. If suicide had been my intention, I wouldn't have left so much to chance.

Still… a person could hurt themselves without wanting to end their life.

"I didn't cut myself on purpose either. For attention or whatever. It was just an accident." I clarified for my own sake.

He nodded again, baffling me even more.

"You really scared me. But, when I calmed down, I realized it looked more like a mishap than anything else."

I had been so prepared for an argument, his conceding point had me speechless.

"Oh."

Apparently, I was reduced to one syllable words. Or sounds, rather.

"Thanks for helping me, by the way." I said after a long moment of silence. "How did you know?" It wasn't exactly a change of topic, but I was curious.

He rubbed his chin as he watched me.

"I saw you pull up and you looked upset. I thought that maybe it was because of me, so I came over to talk. The door wasn't closed, and I knew something was wrong."

I nodded, it made sense, even if I was curious as to why he was home in the first place.

It was quiet between us for a moment again.

"You're probably wondering why I didn't show at the beach." I was surprised he brought it up, but I said nothing, hoping he would choose to explain. "I was planning to go, but when I came home to grab a shower, I wound up talking to my dad. I had a lot on my mind, and I sort of lost track of time."

I appreciated his explanation, even if it did make me ache. What I would give to have a meaningful conversation with my own father. I'd probably forget the rest of the world existed if that happened.

"Is that why you were upset? Because I didn't come?" His eyes were concerned.

That was a loaded question and I wasn't sure how to go about answering it.

"Not exactly." I felt my brows furrow as I looked at my shoes. "I mean I was worried you were angry at me or something, but that's not why I came home."

I played with the hem of my shirt as I considered what to say next.

"I was just talking to Jake… and he was asking about us, among other things. And it was _stupid_, but I got a panic attack. He didn't do anything, they happen sometimes, and it's not really anyone's fault."

I knew it wasn't exactly the whole truth, but it was far more than I would have normally been able to talk about. I was trying.

When Edward didn't say anything, I turned to look at him. His eyes were guarded.

"He's the guy you were seeing at summer camp, wasn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question. And it seemed important for him to know.

"Yeah. He is." I held my breath wondering where this conversation was now headed.

"I was thinking," when he spoke his voice was strangely casual. "This whole pretending to date thing isn't really working out for me anymore. I think we should end it, so you can do your own thing and I can do mine."

It was funny, I never could have dreamed I would be cut open twice in one night. And yet, I was certain blood must be pouring from my chest as his words pierced right through my heart.

I felt so stupid. Here I thought he might actually have feelings for me, but obviously I was wrong.

Or maybe finding out I was even more of a loser who couldn't keep her shit together made him change his mind. I mean, who wanted to be with someone who couldn't cope with reality and panicked over stupid shit?

And didn't I just tell Jacob earlier that I should end it anyways?

Wasn't this a blessing in disguise?

So why did it _hurt _so much?

"You okay?" His voice was oddly concerned to have just so casually broken my heart.

"Um, yeah." _Lie._ Pulling myself together, I gave him what I hoped was a convincing smile. "Just caught me a little off guard, but I think you're right. We probably should stop while we're ahead."

I hoped my laugh didn't sound as fake as it was.

"So you're okay with it?" He was watching me cautiously, as if waiting for me to fall into hysterics again. Maybe even to beg him to change his mind.

That pained me, but I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if I wasn't wanted, then I wouldn't try to convince anyone otherwise.

I was enough for myself and that was all that mattered.

I hoped.

"Yeah," My fake ass laughed again. "I mean it was supposed to be temporary anyways."

My shrug was nonchalant even if my feelings weren't.

He was quiet, but his posture had turned tense. Maybe that was my cue to leave?

"Well, thanks again for saving my klutzy ass. I'm gonna head home now to get some rest. I'll see you at school." My delivery was breezy and noncommittal, it probably deserved an Oscar, because boy was that a fine act.

His brows rose as I left my seat.

"You're leaving?"

I shrugged lightly.

"Yeah. I'm actually still covered in a lot of sand, which admittedly is starting to chafe." Cue laugh. "So I'm gonna grab a shower and crash for the night."

He took a step towards me, and I stopped, fearful that if he laid his hands on me, whatever performance I was managing would dissolve in a puddle of tears.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." His eyes shot to my wrist. "And I promised my dad I'd stay with you tonight."

Oh. That.

"He's not gonna know that you didn't stay with me all night, and besides you already agreed that this was just an accident. All I'm gonna do is rinse off and go to bed. I promise to keep my phone by my side if I wake up feeling sick, but apart from being tired I feel fine."

What a load of crap. But I must have been convincing, because I could see his resolve wavering.

Somehow that almost made it hurt more.

"Really, I'll be okay. I even promise to shoot you a text when I get up, and if you don't hear from me by 10 am you can march over here and yell at me or something." I hoped it would make him laugh. He sighed instead. Still I knew I had won.

I just wasn't sure I was glad of it.

"Text me by 9 or I'll take you to the hospital." His eyes were stern.

The smirk on my face wasn't entirely forced this time.

"Deal." I nodded and headed for the exit.

"Bella?" I had just opened the door when he spoke. I turned curiously. His eyes were watching me intently. As if there was something he really needed to say.

I waited, patiently.

He sighed again.

"Hope you sleep well."

I wouldn't let myself be disappointed.

I wouldn't cry.

Instead, I gave a small smile and walked away.

…

When I woke up at 7 am the next day, I sent Edward a text letting him know I was alive and well.

A simple '_Good'_, was all I received.

I might have wallowed in self-pity for the rest of the day.

At least until Angela called.

I told her what happened, and she insisted I come over for waffles and girl talk.

It helped some.

The thing about Ange was she didn't judge. She just let me cry it out and told me she'd help chop off Edward's balls. It made me laugh a little.

I came back home the next day, hating how I dreaded even seeing his car in the driveway next door. This is why you shouldn't fall for your neighbor. Because you can't just move away and pretend they don't exist for a little while.

I was thankful that when I arrived, Edward didn't appear to be home. Thank God for small favors.

But it wasn't long after I entered the house that I heard a knock on my door. I cringed inside. I really didn't want to see him, but there was no way I could pretend I wasn't home.

Only when I opened the door it wasn't Edward standing there.

"Jake?"

He wore a light flannel shirt and unkempt brown hair. His smile was immediate, though a tinge of sadness was there.

"Hey Bells."

"What are you doing here?" Surprised curiosity colored my tone. Jake rolled his eyes.

"Is that how you greet all your old friends?"

I rolled my eyes in return and laughed.

"Only you."

He gave me a sheepish smile.

"I came to apologize."

I felt my expression soften, and I shook my head.

"Why don't we go out back." I stepped to the side so he could enter my house. I wondered for a moment how he even knew where I lived. Maybe he remembered my address from our old letters?

Either way I knew it didn't matter. So I walked through the kitchen to the back door that opened to a small deck with rocking chairs and a swing. I made myself comfortable on the swing, while he threw himself into one of the chairs.

"I'm really sorry Bells." He started but I held up a hand.

"Hey, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I over-reacted. I should be apologizing to you."

He sighed.

"You're not gonna let me apologize, are you?"

I smiled and shook my head.

"You don't need to. Besides, I'm so happy you're here. It's been way too long that we've hung out. I wanna know everything!"

His grin was the beginning of a long conversation filled with old stories and lots of laughter.

"Told you I'd win!" I lightly slapped his arm as we laid back in the grass. We had made our way from the porch to the yard after a quick game of chase when Jake had snatched my scrunchie from my hair. Needless to say, I'm a lot faster than he remembered.

"I forgot how quick you are. You should be playing sports." He poked my side, to which I slapped his hand away.

"As clumsy as I am? Uh, no thanks." I held up my hand, motioning to my wrist. I had explained some of the mishap to him earlier. He hadn't been totally surprised.

Jake barked a laugh.

"You're right. That would be a catastrophe."

I slanted a glare in his direction. He just grinned.

"I really missed you Bells."

My heart pattered at his sweet words.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Me too. I'm so glad you only live an hour away now. I can come visit you on the Rez next weekend if you want?" I asked brightly, the idea of having something to look forward to would help me make it through the week.

"Of course I want. You can meet the whole clan. I already told them how kick-ass you are at throwing knives," he snickered. The jab at my less than stellar throwing skills didn't dampen my mood though.

"Har-de-har. I might suck at that, but I _can _still kick your ass at ping-pong." It was a small victory, but one I held dear. He laughed at my foolishness.

"Seriously though, I'd love for you to come. You can meet Nessie finally."

My eyes brightened.

"Wait, she's here?!"

He ruffled my hair.

"At the Rez, yes. She's always lived there."

My mouth dropped open.

"I thought you met her back home, at your old school."

"Technically I did. But she was just visiting. She's from La Push."

Well hell, here I'd been only an hour from my best friend's soul mate and I never knew.

"Damn. I wish I had known sooner. I would have visited her to tell her all your dirty secrets!"

He play punched my arm, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I'll count my blessings." He chuckled. "You should bring Edward. He's already friends with most of the guys, and it would cool to do a double date or something."

I felt my face drop, and I looked away.

"Ut oh. What happened?" his voice was concerned.

"It's okay. We sort of called it off."

"Are you kidding me Bella? Why would you do that!?" He exclaimed angrily in my ear. I sat up and thrust a finger in his chest.

"It wasn't my decision! And don't yell at me!" The irony of my yelling at him to not yell was not lost on me.

He looked so taken aback though.

"_He_ broke it off?" His voice was filled with disbelief, and then confusion.

Feeling a little vulnerable, I crossed my arms over my knees.

"It was only pretend anyways Jake."

"No, it wasn't." He argued softly.

"It doesn't matter. He said it wasn't working out. That he wanted to do his own thing, or something like that."

Silence strung between us for a moment.

"I'm gonna kick his ass." His voice was hard, angry.

In a near panic I jumped on top of him to straddle his chest.

"No, you most certainly are not!" I exclaimed looking down at his startled face. "You are going to stay the hell out of this. You hear me Ephraim Jacob Black? I'll sit on you for all eternity, see if I won't."

His face was stern for about a whole two seconds before he broke out laughing.

"Pipsqueak I could lift you about as easily as a pillow. You're not holding me down." I flushed slightly, but I threw my hands on my hips as I looked at him severely.

"Well I don't care. I'll make life very inconvenient then."

His chest rumbled with laughter.

"This isn't inconvenient. This is entertainment." He told me smugly.

I just continued to glare at him.

He rolled his eyes and threw his hands up.

"Fine, fine. I won't kick his ass."

But there was a glint in his eyes that I didn't trust.

"Or harm any other part of him." I added, letting him know I wasn't about to let him find a loophole.

He rose one brow, but nodded his head.

"Yes, fine. I promise I won't hurt him."

I didn't quite trust him, but he seemed to be telling the truth.

"Okay. But a promise is a promise." I stood up, effectively removing myself from his lap, and sat back down in the grass beside him.

"I hate that you're hurting Bells. You don't deserve that."

He reached out a hand to stoke my cheek. It was an intimate gesture, but also a comforting one.

"I'll be fine. Not stop worrying over me. Besides you should be getting back to Nessie. I don't want her to hate me before she's even met me."

He chuckled, shaking his head, but we stood up and walked out to the front porch.

"She's excited to meet you actually. So you'll come next weekend then?"

I nodded happily.

"Duh. Now get out of here before your girlfriend calls out the rescue squad."

"Okay! Okay, I'm leaving. But you better text me later this week. And no backing out or I'll come find you." His tone made it a promise.

"I will. I swear."

Satisfied, he kissed my cheek and sauntered off.

I just shook my head, but I couldn't deny how spending time with him lifted my spirits, even for just a little while.

As Jake backed out, I couldn't help but glance over to Edward's place. His car was in the drive, and I guessed that meant he was home.

The pieces of my heart I'd been holding together were starting to come unglued, so I walked inside before I had a meltdown on my own porch. I really didn't need Edward to witness that.

As the door closed behind me, I couldn't help but wonder how things with Edward would change. And how hard it was going to be seeing him in school. And working on that stupid project with him for the rest of the year.

I just hoped that my acting skills would hold up, and if everything went well, he would never know how much I wanted him.

…

**~Edward's POV~**

I resisted, though barely, from slamming my door closed.

I'd been listening to their laughter for hours. Hating him. Hating myself. Wanting her.

When he'd finally left, I thought it would lessen the tension, but it only made it worse. Because now I wondered what she was thinking.

Was she missing him?

Wishing he was still with her?

Did she crave _his _touch?

I'd looked across the yard several times, and it killed me to see how happy she was with him. It was like her guard was down in ways I'd never seen it.

And she was so affectionate with him, and he with her.

As much as it pained me, I knew in those moments that breaking it off was the right decision.

I had seen the way her eyes lit up when she met him on the field. They way they moved together. The unmistakable familiarity. I knew in an instant they had once been lovers.

My suspicions were basically confirmed when she mentioned they'd known each other from camp. That, and the way he looked at her.

I wanted to punch him.

And when he'd walked away, I could see the awkward look on her face. Like she was embarrassed to be caught fawning over another guy.

I was just so angry, and maybe a little defeated. I tried so hard with her. And everything seemed to be going so well. We were growing closer, and for once I felt like she was letting me in.

Then _he_ showed up.

I knew it wasn't fair when I brushed her aside, but honestly, what did she expect from me? We weren't actually dating, and I could tell she wanted him. I just needed some time to think.

Talking with my dad later had helped at lot. I actually confided in him what was going on. He didn't like it, even suggested that one of us was going to get hurt if we kept doing what we were doing.

Of course it didn't help that Bella had come home looking upset. Nothing could have prepared me to find her on the kitchen floor, blood seeping out around her wrist.

I didn't know what to think.

Maybe I had jumped to conclusions.

It all seemed so logical at the time. But Bella's sincerity, and embarrassment helped me see past the fear. And when I really looked, I realized how little about her that I knew.

I had no idea she suffered from panic attacks, and it tore me up inside that she felt such suffering.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed throwing myself back on my bed.

I had been prepared to come clean about my feelings for her. It was right there on the tip of my tongue.

But then she mentioned _Jacob_ and their past relationship.

Whatever feelings I have for her, I realized she didn't return them. Not when it was so obvious, she was still hung up on him. So I did what I thought was right. I ended it.

But the look on her face when I told her… just a brief second of utter devastation.

I was almost sure I made it up.

Because when I pressed, she seemed… okay? Maybe her laugh was a little too bright, and the smile a little tight. But she was just so casual about it.

I worried all through the night that I had made the wrong decision. That I had overthought, and let my jealousy take over.

I decided I needed a day to clear my head. That maybe I had over-reacted, but then Bella didn't come home the next night, and I didn't want to bother her when I was still so uncertain.

When I'd made it home today, I had seen his truck in the driveway and heard their laughter echo from the backyard.

My heart ripped into pieces.

It was my own fault. I was the one who ended things.

Which apparently was the right thing to do considering not a day later, _he_ was there.

It made me so angry. She just moved on so quickly. And here I was hung up like some lovesick puppy.

I gritted my teeth, pissed at her. Pissed at myself.

And I wondered.

How the hell was I going to make it through the rest of the year?

**AN: Thanks for your patience as I slowly get these chapters out! I am well, thanks for checking in on me **** It's just been hectic lately, but I am still invested in this story.**

**Hope y'all liked this update.. ahh the drama, the heartache, the stupid jealousy!**


	19. Ch 19: Drowning

**Ch 19: Drowning**

**~ Bella's POV~**

Monday came all too soon, and I knew I'd have to face the reality of our separation sooner or later. It came sooner rather than later though.

"Edward not sitting with us today?" Jess asked as I sat down at our usual table. I watched her eyes shoot across the cafeteria, seeking him out.

"Um, no. We broke up." My voice was surprisingly even. Far more so than I would have thought. Seth and Jess exchanged surprised looks. "What?"

Jess put her head in her hands, while Seth sighed.

"Ugh, he's so perfect. I can't believe you broke up with him." Jess announced dramatically.

"I didn't."

Her head snapped up in shock.

"Wait. _He _broke it off with you?" Why was that so shocking?

I grimaced at her, trying to keep my composure.

"Yeah. Is that really so surprising?" I crunched down on a carrot, hoping I didn't sound as sad as I felt.

Her mouth hung open and she stared at me. Seth nudged her sharply, as if to suggest I might have hurt feelings. He wasn't wrong.

"Sorry Bella. I think, what Jess meant was, it seemed like he really liked you. I mean obviously Edward's never been in a long-term relationship before, but… you guys have been together for _months_ now. It's just surprising." He clarified softly.

I shrugged.

"It's really not a big deal." I may have bitten into my carrot more forcefully than necessary.

Jess gave me sad eyes.

"It's _so_ a big deal. You've never even dated anyone before, and I just can't believe he broke up with you. Like what the hell!?" Her voice had risen, and I was getting embarrassed. I really hoped no one had heard her.

"Calm down!" I threw up my hands. No matter how much things with Edward hurt, it hadn't been a real relationship, and I had no right to turn him into a bad guy because of it. "It's really fine. I agreed it was a good idea."

Her eyes flashed, calling me on my bullshit.

"You're just being nice Bella."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"No, I'm not. Yes, Edward may have decided to break it off, but I didn't disagree with him." She rose a disbelieving brow. "Look, I knew that when we got together it was just for a little while. I mean this is our last year of high school. Everyone will be leaving before we know it, to go off and do their own things. I'm not saying that these relationships can't work out in the long run, but I think it's pretty rare. Edward's not an asshole here. I promise."

My words had the effect of calming her down, but from the look in Seth's eye I could tell _he_ wasn't entirely convinced. Still, he didn't argue, so there was that.

"So what about that Ephraim kid?" Jess hedged, making my brows draw in.

"Jake? What about him?"

She shrugged, but a devious smile lit up her face.

"Well, you two seemed to hit it off after the game. And, I mean if you and Edward aren't together anymore…" she trailed off.

I couldn't help my eye roll.

"Okay there are many things wrong with that. First, Jake's an old friend, so yeah that's why we hit it off. Second, which is kinda related to the first, we had a fling a while back. So been there, done that. Third, I'm not interested in seeing _anyone_."

"Wait, wait! You and Jake used to date?" Seth's brows rose to his hairline. Jess's face pretty much mimicked his.

Of course they would get stuck on that one.

"Sorta. It was just a summer thing a few years ago. But again, not interested."

Jess looked skeptical.

"Girl, he is _Hawt_, with a capital H. How can you not be interested? And if you had a thing before, you could so have a thing again."

I laughed at her obvious concern for my sanity.

"Really, we tired it and it wasn't for us. I love him to pieces, but I promise neither of us are remotely interested in having a romantic relationship with each other. He actually has a really sweet girlfriend. I'm gonna get to meet her this weekend." I smiled brightly. I really was looking forward to that.

"You're excited to meet your Ex's girlfriend? Are you sure you're human?" Jess poked me gently, making me smirk.

"I've never had a test done, but I'm pretty sure."

Seth was shaking his head at us.

"I think I'm on Jess's side for this one. Won't it be weird? I mean if you guys used to bang, won't she at least feel a little threatened by you?"

It was something I hadn't really given much thought.

"I don't think so," I contemplated. "I mean Jake and I had this incredible friendship first, so when we started dating it never really felt like dating. I guess what I mean is, our friendship sort of outweighed everything else. I wasn't shy or nervous around him. And he wasn't like that around me. I didn't get butterflies or stay up late thinking about where we were headed. It was more like just two friends hanging out."

I paused thinking about how different it was when he found Nessie.

"When he met Nessie, it was totally different. An instant head over heels type of thing. I remembered he would call me and ask me what to do or say. It was so cute. I've just been so happy that he found someone that made him feel that special sort of excitement that comes with a real relationship."

"So it was never like that with you and him?" Jess asked curiously.

I smiled thinking about it.

"Not even close. Seriously, it wasn't remotely romantic. I'd just be like, hey wanna fuck? And then we'd chill and eat Cheetos afterwards."

Jess snorted a laugh.

"You did not!"

"Hey, I'd give my left nut for a girl that's down for fucking and Cheetos." Seth put in.

I couldn't help my chuckle.

"Is that a proposition?"

"Fuck no! The only time Cullen's kicked my ass is on the field, and I want to keep it that way."

I rolled my eyes.

"He dumped me, remember?"

But Seth was shaking his head.

"And when he realizes what an idiot he was for that, I don't wanna be the one standing between you two."

I threw my hands up and laughed.

"No worries. I'm taking myself off the market. Shaving is too much work anyways."

Jess giggled but nodded her head in agreement.

"I'm down for no-shave November if you are." She smiled.

"Cool. Two kooks with hairy koots." Jess nearly died with laughter, while Seth blushed deeply.

The rest of lunch was spent making jokes about not shaving our lady bits. Seth was bright red by the end of it. I'm pretty sure he straight up ran to his next class.

For my part the day passed easily enough.

Focusing on the work in front of me made the time go by much faster. That, and it kept my eyes from wandering. I wasn't sure I trusted myself in Mr. Danvers class yet, and thankfully we didn't have team writing assignments due anytime soon. Hopefully enough time would pass before then, that I could get through a conversation without wanting to run away crying.

That would be good.

I was fortunate enough to have only minimal contact with Edward throughout the week. We occasionally saw each other in the hallways, or class. When it happened, I forced myself to give him a polite smile before turning away. Pretending that I wasn't a mere inch from losing my cool.

I just kept telling myself it would get better with time. I just needed to be patient. And luckily, I had the weekend to look forward to. I'd get to see Jake and meet Nessie for the first time. It was the only real thing helping me get through the days.

And when that was over, I'd just have to find something else to occupy my mind.

…

"_You're coming over right?"_

I nearly laughed as I held the phone close to my ear.

"Jake, it's 8 am… on a Saturday."

"_But you promised!" _He whined on the other end.

"To come over, not that I'd be there this early." I teased. Little did he know, I had left nearly an hour ago and was about to be at his place.

"_Ugh, can't you get up and just come over already? I knew I should have come to get you last night."_

I suppressed my chuckle.

"Come on, let me sleep for like another hour at least. Then I'll head over." This was actually quite fun.

"_Bella! Get your ass over here!"_

I pulled into his driveway.

"Why don't you get your ass outside." I returned and honked my horn. I heard it echo through his end.

"_You're here?!"_

The line went dead, and he came barreling out of the house.

My truck door was opened and he was dragging me out in a hug before I even had a chance to say 'Hi'.

"Oh Jeeze. What did you have for breakfast that made you this energetic? No more sugar for Jakey."

But his hug was wonderful and I was glad he was so happy to see me.

"What? I've just been really excited to have you over." He grinned unabashedly

"I guess I can agree with that. I am pretty awesome."

He laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Nice prank by the way. Making me think it was gonna be _hours _before I saw you."

I grinned.

"Wasn't this better though? I know how much you like surprises."

He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Enough of you. Where's Nessie? Is she here yet?"

"I see how it is. You don't want to see me, just my girlfriend."

I laughed again.

"Damn straight. She's prettier than you."

"How would you know? You've never seen her before?"

"Such an ego. I'm surprised Nessie hasn't beat it out of you yet."

"It's something I'm working on," A sweet voice called from behind us. I turned to see a petite girl with long auburn hair and eyes of dark chocolate. I could feel my eyes light up with excitement.

"You must be Nessie! I'm Bella." Admittedly, I may have attacked her with a hug.

Her surprise was momentary, but a happy laugh followed.

"It's nice to meet you too," she chuckled.

"Sorry, I've just been so stoked to meet you since Jake first mentioned your existence." I stood back to appraise her more. The loving looks she shared with Jake was all I needed to know about her.

"Okay so you have to tell me all about yourself. And I will supply all the dirt you could ever want to know about Jake." I winked, making Jake shake his head in disapproval.

"Oh that's a deal I can't say no to."

Jake was decidedly not happy.

On the tenth or maybe eleventh joke at his expense, he started to crack. He was enjoying it as much as we were, and I loved it.

"This was a terrible idea. If I had known all you were gonna do was poke fun, I never would have invited you over. I ought to take you home now." A single brow was raised in feigned disappointment.

"Too bad. You're going to have to live with us ganging up on you for the rest of your life. That's just how it is now."

Nessie giggled.

"She's right. We're basically best pals. You wouldn't deprive me of a friend, would you Jake?" She laid on the puppy dog eyes and boy was he a goner.

"You two are the worst. I'm getting a drink." He play stomped out of the room.

"Okay, I know I've been giving him a hard time, but I just wanna say how happy I am that y'all are together. And that you're cool with letting me hang out with y'all." I squeezed her hand warmly, hoping it conveyed all the things I wasn't sure how to put in words.

She tilted her head and grinned.

"You know, when Jake first told me that you guys used to date, I wasn't sure if I was going to like you." She admitted, making my brows shoot up.

Ut oh.

Was this the part where she told me to get lost?

I don't know what I would do if that happened.

Okay I did, I'd back off, but just the thought of that made my heart hurt. And it already hurt enough this week.

"Oh." I swallowed. "I can leave if you're uncomfortable." She was shaking her head and I stopped talking, afraid of what sort of nonsense I might start spouting.

"No. I _do_ like you Bella. I just wasn't sure at first. I didn't see how you could have been with him and not still want that. Part of me was glad, because that meant I got my chance, but another part of me was just baffled you'd let him go."

I nodded, following her logic.

"Jake explained a lot of it to me before, but it wasn't until I saw you two together today, that I really got it. You act like siblings, and honestly its hard for me to imagine that anything romantic ever even happened. I know you were there for Jake at a time when he didn't have anyone else. And that meant so much to him. When I came into his life later, he would tell me all the time how amazing you were, and how much I would love you if we ever met. I wasn't sure then, but I understand now."

I would not cry. I would not cry.

"I can tell how much seeing him happy means to you. That it's the most important thing. And you've been really inclusive, not just sharing inside jokes, but letting me in and wanting me to be a part of your inner circle. And that means so much to me."

Nessie's eyes had gone a little misty, and so had mine.

"I'm just so glad you're a part of his life. And I'm glad I have the opportunity to be your friend."

Damn, was she trying to make me bawl like a baby?

Not trusting my voice, I pulled her in for a hug.

Seeing movement, I looked up to find Jake standing in the doorway with stupid smile on his face and unshed tears in his own eyes.

I pulled back and wiped the moisture from my face, then gave Nessie a smile.

"So, you guys have a pool?" Confused looks ensued. "Cause I'm all about the waterworks today."

My silly joke broke the tension of the tender moment.

"Well, we don't have a pool, but we do have a lake."

I could already feel myself perking up.

…

A few hours later, we found ourselves swimming around, pretending that the late October waters were not in fact freezing our asses off.

"You know this was a much better idea when I was still warm and dry." I chattered slightly as I bobbed around. Jake snickered.

"You're the one that suggested this." He laughed sitting on the dock.

"I know. But I didn't bring a bathing suit, and I don't have a change of clothes. I'm gonna freeze my poor tits off."

I had jumped in after only taking my jeans off. I'd felt leaving a t-shirt on was a little more decent. Not it just clung to me, making me feel colder somehow.

"Shame, they are quite lovely," Nessie commented, swimming lazily beside me. Apparently, the cold wasn't bothering her or Jake. Must be some sort of genetic thing.

"The guys should be here in a few. We'll build a fire so, as you say, you don't freeze your tits off."

I gave him the finger and splashed water in his direction.

The sounds of vehicles coming had me smiling though. A fire sounded amazing right about now.

"Look at that grin. You're having fantasies about fire aren't you."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You're just jealous a fire gets me going better than you ever could."

It was Nessie that died with laughter. I grabbed her shoulders, afraid if I let go, she'd drown.

"Trying to kill my girlfriend Swan?" Jake dove in, grabbing my ankles to pull me under the water, away from the dock.

The thing was, it was so unexpected that I inhaled as I went under. I felt ice cold everywhere and was so disoriented I didn't know which way was up.

Fear and panic kicked in, and I fought my way to the surface.

"You almost drowned her!" I heard Nessie's voice, but I was too busy trying to breathe and keep myself above the water.

Someone grabbed at me, pulling me out of the water onto the dock. I rolled to my knees coughing and heaving, trying to catch my breath. Warm hands patted my back firmly to help push the water out of my lungs.

"When- I- can- breathe- you're- a- dead-man." I panted at Jake.

"This is the thanks I get for saving you?"

Only the voice didn't belong to Jake.

"Ed-ward?"

I looked up to find a drenched Edward looking down on me, just a hint of a smile on his face.

For a moment I contemplated that I might have died. Because the world wasn't making much sense.

I sat back on my feet trying to get my bearings. Jake was half propped up on the dock now, Nessie right beside him.

"Damn Bella, you weren't supposed to swallow honey." He gave me an apologetic smile.

"Never heard a guy say that before."

His face was shocked for about two seconds. And then Nessie started laughing again.

"And here I was all concerned I almost killed my best friend." He shook his head. I glowered at him.

"Best friend," I scoffed. "I'll murder you in your sleep."

He placed a hand over his apparently wounded heart.

"Aww, but I'd miss him." Nessie pouted, basically jumping up on Jake's back.

"Okay. For you then… I'll only maim."

"Very generous." Jake sneered, but Nessie's grin got bigger.

I shook my head and forced myself to look at Edward. He was watching us with a sort of quiet curiosity.

"Thanks for not letting me die since dipshit thought it would be fun to watch me inhale water."

Jake sighed loudly.

"It wasn't intentional." He grumbled.

"Mhmm, you're just mad because I'm better at pleasing your girlfriend than you are."

His mouth dropped open.

"I'm just saying I had her panting before you decided to drown me. And she did say she liked my rack. Seems like you were trying to get rid of the competition."

He was sputtering when Nessie started giggling.

"See, look at that. Pure delight." I pointed to the shit eating grin on Nessie's face. Jake narrowed his eyes before wrapping his hands around her, pulling her away from me.

"I knew I should have never introduced you two." He back paddled, towing Nessie further away. "Stay away from my woman Swan!" He shouted from the middle of the lake.

"Maybe if you focused more on keeping her pleasured, she wouldn't be so willing to stray!" I shouted back, well aware we were making a spectacle of ourselves to the rest of the group that had showed up.

Jake mumbled something, but I couldn't hear from so far away. I just chuckled in return.

Standing slowly, I became more aware of the fact that I wasn't exactly dressed properly. I looked up to Edward to thank him again, but my voice caught in my throat when I saw the heat in his eyes.

It took me a moment to gather my thoughts.

"Thanks again." I crossed my arms over my chest feeling more than a little exposed.

And nipply.

He looked down at my shirt and I tried to keep from blushing. Crossing my arms only had the effect of pushing my breasts up further. As if I was putting them on display.

Smooth Swan.

"I'm gonna go grab a towel." I paused looking at him. His own clothes were plastered against his skin, letting me see more of his chiseled muscles than my still broken heart could bear. "You want one too?"

He still hadn't said anything, but finally nodded.

Though I was self-conscious about not wearing pants, I forced myself to stride confidently to where we parked Jake's truck. It was on the far side of the camp, away from everyone else, but I wasn't worried. Edward might have broken my heart, but he'd never hurt me intentionally.

Shaking off my thoughts, I grabbed two of the towels from the front seat. I threw one at Edward, before walking around to the back.

My shirt was soaked, and I decided it would be best just to take it off. The towel was more than large enough to keep me covered until I borrowed a shirt from Jake.

Setting my towel temporarily to the side, I pulled off the cold wet garment, wringing it out for good measure, knowing it would dry better that way.

When I looked up to grab my towel again, Edward was frozen in place, watching me. And my traitorous body reacted to the intense look he was delivering.

"Sorry. Didn't realize you were still there." I reached for the towel but he snatched it away, advancing on me. My heart thundered in my chest, and I feared he could hear it. When he was just a breath away from my face, I looked up, knowing whatever emotions I was feeling were on full display.

"You're not dating Jacob." It was a statement. One that baffled me.

"No." I agreed with total confusion.

I had barely gotten the word out when his lips descended on mine. They were full, warm, utterly wonderful. My skin tingled where he touched, and my heart cried for it to never end. And I thought, if this would be the last time that we kissed, then I would make it count.

I let go.

Every drop of sorrow, excitement, need, anger.

Everything.

I let it all out.

When we finally broke apart for air, I felt an extraordinary sense of calm knowing I had said, if not with words, everything in my heart.

"Bella." His voice was breathless, pained. My eyes met his, wondering if he was about to break me all over again. "I've missed you so much."

I felt moisture collect in the corners of my eyes, but I willed them back.

His thumb traced my lip, and he kissed me again. Gently this time.

"Tell me to go if you don't want me. But I can't go another minute without you knowing the truth." I watched his eyes dart back and forth, shining as he looked at me. "I want you to be mine. No pretending. Just completely, and totally mine."

**AN: Seemed like a good place to stop… y'all are gonna kill me… aren't you.**

**Thanks for all the love y'all! So glad so many people are excited about the story and where it's heading. **


	20. Ch 20: Drowning: Another Perspective

**Ch 20: Drowning: Another Perspective**

**~ Edward's POV~**

The week spent without Bella had somehow been even harder than I expected. The first time I saw her on Monday she didn't quite look like herself. Her normally cheerful demeanor was somehow dulled, and I questioned the lack of shine.

News made it around the school pretty quickly that I had ended things with her. To my great surprise, people were shocked about it. I figured I had broken up with enough girls at this point that it would just be another day. But with Bella, it was different.

People were genuinely startled that I had let her go. That they thought we were really happy together.

In fact, I got more shit from my friends than I ever would have anticipated.

"You are a total moron and an ass," Rosalie slapped my arm roughly. I had been in the hallway, grabbing my bag from my locker when she showed up. Emmett was right behind her, looking even more pissed than his girlfriend.

"What the literal fuck Eddie? You've been pining over her for years! And what, you had her for a little while and now you don't want her anymore?" You could say Emmett was more than a little miffed for Bella.

I sighed deeply, trying not to let them get to me.

"I really don't have time for this." I tried to walk away, but Em grabbed me by my shoulders, slamming me back against my locker.

It pissed me off, but I only glowered back.

"Em." Rose warned, as if to remind him we could get in trouble for fighting.

"No. He's gonna talk." Still holding a fistful of my shirt, he leaned in. "You better start now, or I will kick your ass."

Though Emmett was a really nice guy, the kind with a big gooey center, he was also no one to fuck around with when pissed off. His threats were definitely not the empty kind.

"Was she just a fuck for you? Was that all this was?" His words snapped something inside of me.

"What do you want me to say Emmett?" I nearly growled back. "That I'm an idiot? Because you're right. I am one. Bella never wanted me. This whole thing was a stupid fucking charade. She was _pretending_. And I'm still so goddamn over my head in love with her that I don't even know what's up or down anymore."

Emmett's shocked face made me regret opening my mouth. I hadn't meant to spill the beans about the fake relationship. He'd just pissed me off so much.

"What the fuck do you mean she was pretending? She looked at you like you hung the fucking moon."

I wanted to believe him, I really did. But how could I?

"Yeah, well she's a fucking amazing actress." I was bitter, and I knew it wasn't really her fault. "Look, it was a deal we made. Her end was to pretend to be my girlfriend. It was stupid, I get that, but it's the truth. As much as I wanted it to be real, it wasn't, and I couldn't go on like that anymore."

Emmett slowly let me go, but he was scowling deeply and I could tell the news upset him a great deal.

"I don't know what the hell you got yourself into E, but you might want to re-think the whole she was just pretending thing. You can keep up an act for a little while, anyone can, but the way she looked at you when she thought no one else was watching, that was real. You can't fake that shit." He shook his head, obviously disappointed in me.

Rose stepped up and patted his arm, before turning to me. Her eyes were sad, but also a little understanding.

"Edward, I find it pretty hard to believe that Bella would have been willing to even pretend for a little while if she didn't have true feelings for you. She's a great person, and I don't doubt she'd be willing to do a whole lot for a friend, but this is a bit much don't you think? Obviously, I don't know what you said to convince her that you needed a fake girlfriend in the first place, but it seems to me she would have figured another way to help you out unless she felt something for you."

I swallowed thickly as I considered the possibility.

She had seemed hurt, at least initially when I broke it off. And she didn't look herself today. Was there a chance it had been as real for her as it was for me?

Then what about Jacob? And her reaction to him?

"I get what you're saying, but I really don't know. It seemed like maybe things could have gone in that direction, but after the game…" I trailed off, thinking about how things had gone then.

How happy she looked. And then later, when he was over at her house. Part of me was hurt about it, because that was something she had never shared with me. She never once asked if I wanted to come over to her place.

"Is that about Ephraim Black?" Emmett asked incredulously. I wanted to be surprised he knew that was where my mind was, but I figured it was pretty obvious since their reunion wasn't exactly private. Half the team had seen him kiss her.

"You really are an idiot." Emmett scoffed at me. "We saw him give her a peck on the cheek dude. It wasn't like he shoved his tongue down her throat in front of you."

The thought had me bristling, because at one point it had happened. And it was possible it was happening again.

"They used to date." I sighed loudly, feeling angry and helpless. Emmett did look surprised, but he was still shaking his head. "I thought she still had feelings for him, and after I broke it off, he was over at her place like a day later. Tell me that doesn't mean something!"

Rose and Emmett exchanged a glance; one that I didn't quite understand. It annoyed me.

"If you have something to say, just say it. You can stop with the weird looks."

Rose rolled her eyes at me.

"Edward, I think you might be letting your jealousy cloud your judgement on this one. I don't know what's going on with Bella and that guy, but you should talk to her and tell her how you really feel. If she turns you down then you can be all moody, but you didn't even give her a chance."

There might have been some truth in that.

"At least think about it." She grabbed Emmett's hand, tugging him towards the cafeteria.

"Get your head out of your ass Eddie. Or I'll put my foot there too." He warned before walking away.

As much as it aggravated me, I couldn't blame them for their reaction. I had been an idiot in this whole thing. I should have just asked her out, instead of playing stupid games. But I was a coward and couldn't even muster the courage to tell the one person in the universe that meant more than anything to me, how I felt.

And that was _my_ fault.

The week continued to get harder. Every time I saw Bella, I wanted to reach out, to stop all the doubt and be real with her. But she'd just give me these polite smiles and turn away. It made me feel like I didn't matter more than any other person.

So I kept my mouth shut.

By Friday, I was pretty sure nothing was going to change and the rest of the year would be pure hell. I might have been moping around more than usual. Enough that even my team-mates felt something was off.

"Hey." Seth called, walking towards me in the locker room after practice. We were the only ones left. I had been taking my sweet time, dreading going home. I wondered why Seth was still here though.

"Sup man?" I asked shoving my dirty clothes into my gym bag.

"So, I know you probably don't wanna talk about it, but you've been really off this week. And I'm assuming this has something to do with Bella."

I tensed, but lifted my eyes to look at him. Seth was a good player, happier to follow than lead. It made him very approachable and well liked by pretty much everyone. I would say we were friends, well about as close as I got to having friends outside of Emmett.

Still, I knew he and Bella were close, and I worried briefly that he might be about to defend her honor. Or something like that. But his eyes were understanding rather than angry.

"It's been a shit week." I agreed, not really willing to say more than that at the moment.

He nodded.

"We're probably not good enough friends for it to me my place to say anything, but I think you made a mistake breaking it off with Bella."

I was surprised he was saying as much, and I didn't have the energy to brush off his words like I usually did.

"I know."

Interestingly, he didn't look surprised, instead he smiled.

"I was thinking of go hiking or something tomorrow. You wanna come? It might help take your mind off things for a little while."

Normally I didn't spend much time with Seth outside of class and football. To be honest, I rarely spent time with anyone. Even Emmett had a hard time getting me out of the house. I just didn't like to hang around a bunch of fake people.

But Seth could be pretty cool, if a bit nerdy. Maybe it would be nice to have real friendship for once.

So I did the unthinkable.

"Actually, yeah. That would be cool."

Seth nodded, still smiling.

"I'll swing by your place, say around 10?"

I nodded.

"Works for me."

"Cool. See you tomorrow."

…

"Dude, you're crazy, but yeah that sounds chill. Yeah, I'll check. Okay. Bye." Seth hung up the phone before turning to me.

"How do you feel about going to hang out by the lake? Some other friends of mine were gonna do a fire and maybe swim if the water isn't freezing balls."

We'd been hanging out for a few hours, hiking some local trails. It had been oddly relaxing. Seth would occasionally talk about the different species of plants and animals. I was surprised at how knowledgeable he was on the subject.

And we had all talked the whole time, about all manner of things. From movies, to sports, to where we were thinking of going for college. It was way more fun than I expected it to be, and I realized I was having a great time.

We'd just finished a longer hike and the prospect of chilling by a lake and fire actually sounded nice. I imagined Seth's friends were probably pretty cool too.

"Uh sure."

"Cool. Do you need me to take you back to your place for anything? I actually have towels and chairs in the back, but if you want trunks or something I we can swing by your place before we head out."

I doubted I'd get in, the weather wasn't exactly optimal for swimming.

"I'm good."

Seth smiled and we headed out.

About forty-five minutes in, I wondered what lake we were going to.

"Where the hell is this lake anyways? You taking us deep into the boonies?" I joked.

"Ha. Yeah, a little bit. It's actually on my cousin's property out in the rez."

I immediately felt my stomach drop. The rez? As in where Jacob Black lived. _Great_.

It was too late to back out now, and chances were we wouldn't see him anyways, so I really didn't have anything to be concerned about.

"I didn't realize you were related to the Quileute's."

"Oh, yeah. Through my grandmother. I don't know the whole story, but she had a falling out of sorts with the tribe and decided to leave. When I was little, Gran passed away and the elders decided they wanted to make peace. My dad was invited to come be a part of the clan, but he already had established a life outside of it. He did make sure I got to know my cousins though, and when I turn eighteen, I'll have the choice to join if want."

I was honestly surprised. All the years I had known Seth I never knew any of this. I mean we were playing his family every year! How had I not known that? And come to think of it, he did kind of resemble some the La Push kids. His skin wasn't quite as tanned, but he had the same dark hair and eyes.

"Will you? Join the tribe I mean."

Seth shrugged.

"I'm not sure yet. I probably will, but I plan to go off to college first and decide what I want to do."

Seemed like a good choice to me.

"So you can't be a member and live away from them?" That part was the curious bit. I mean, family was family either way, right?

"Yes and no. Technically I am Quileute through blood regardless. But if I want to be an active member of the tribe, then would I need to be there. I've been thinking about it a lot actually, and if I get a degree in education, I would have the experience to help make a difference for the kids. Many reservations have poor schooling systems and low graduation rates. They've made progress in the last few decades, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. The government has really failed them in a lot of ways, and I understand more now why dad choose not to go back while Leah and I were so young."

I silently thought about how hard of a choice that would be to make. To feel like you have to chose between family and your own wellbeing. And I was glad I'd never have to make that sort of sacrifice.

"That must have been hard for him."

Seth nodded, but smiled.

"I think dad was happy enough that Leah and I at least got enough exposure to be aware of our heritage, while still getting the advantages of living outside of that life. And I never feel like I've missed out; my cousins made sure I was accepted. I just want to make sure that when I join, I have something to offer the tribe."

I felt warmed by the depth of love Seth had for his family. And maybe even a little jealous of his passion to help the tribe. I wasn't sure what my passion was, and to be honest, my parents weren't really around enough to push the subject.

"I think its cool that you wanna make a difference. And the tribe will be really lucky to have you."

Seth's smile was shy, but pleased.

"So who are your cousins?"

"Nessie and Sam. Did you meet Sam at the game Friday?"

That I had.

"Oh yeah, he's cool. I guess you're probably friends with most of the guys from the La Push team then."

He grinned.

"Yeah, pretty much. They're all basically one big family. Sometimes it's it feels like I have an army of cousins, instead just the two. It's nice though. They really look after each other."

It did sound nice. I always liked the idea of a big family. Being an only child could get pretty lonely.

"That's cool. So is it just gonna be your cousins at the lake?"

He shook his head.

"Nessie's there with a few people already, and I think Sam is bringing a few of his friends. We're actually almost there now."

We turned down a dirt road, and it wasn't long before the lake came into view. A single truck was parked to the side and few figures were out near the dock. It looked like two of them were in the water which was pure craziness if you asked me.

We'd just gotten out of the car when several things happened simultaneously.

First, I noticed the lone figure on the dock was none other than Jacob Black. My mind barely had time to register this when I heard him say the name 'Swan'. Immediately I recognized Bella as one of the people in the lake.

It occurred to me this was a setup on Seth's part. And part of me wanted to be upset about it, but then I watched as Jacob dove in, dragging Bella under the water.

He popped up smiling several yards away, but Bella hadn't emerged.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had run down the dock. I saw her surface, but the fear on her face had me jumping in without question.

I had her in my arms, and was hoisting her up on the platform in less than a minute.

Her garbled coughs helped to ease the terror from my heart. Seeing her almost drown had probably taken a few years off my life.

And I was so overwhelmed that she was okay, I hardly knew what to do except just be there.

I knew she thought I was someone else, and I couldn't help the joke that came from my lips when she said I was a dead man.

Her look of shock when she realized it was me was, was somehow comical. And I watched closely to see her reaction as she figured out what was going on.

The banter she had going with Jacob hurt at first. Then it started to confuse me. Particularly when the other girl wrapped herself around Jacob affectionately. I wondered if she was Nessie, Seth's cousin.

Whoever she was, she was obviously in love with Jacob, the way she touched him, and looked at him. And the way he too looked at her. Even though he was joking with Bella the whole time, his eyes were constantly wandering back to the girl.

"Mhmm, you're just mad because I'm better at pleasing your girlfriend than you are." Bella's words hit me hard.

_Girlfriend?_

The girl was dating Jacob.

Not Bella.

Every stupid word and action of the last week hit me like a brick. I had been an idiot. Bella wasn't with him, and based on everything I was now seeing, she didn't want to be with him.

I watched as she couldn't keep her eyes off me. How she tried to hide it.

And it set my whole body on fire.

That and the fact she was scantily clad in a sopping wet t-shirt, her pert nipples poking through. I'd never wanted to taste her so much.

Her embarrassment should have calmed me down, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted her so badly. Every bit of her.

In the back of my mind I knew I was being a little rude by not saying anything, I just couldn't quite find the words. So I followed her blindly, like a lamb to slaughter.

I opened my mouth to talk to her, but then she started stripping. I should have looked away, but for the life of me I couldn't find it in myself to turn away.

Her white bra didn't hide a thing from my hungry eyes. And when she looked up, noticing me for the first time, I realized I needed to react, not just stand idly by like the idiot I had been being.

I closed in on her, waiting for her to back away. Waiting for her to tell me no. Waiting for some sign that she didn't want this.

But I saw everything in her eyes that she never said.

The pain. Desire. Need. And an unmistakable longing, that appeared to be for me.

"You're not dating Jacob." It was a statement. One that I knew now more than ever to be true. But one that I still needed to say

"No." Her total confusion was sweet music. And I couldn't hold myself back any longer.

I wanted my kiss to be as intense as the feelings I had for her. And I felt a shift, as if something inside her had unlocked and opened to me. She flooded me with passion dripped in a myriad of emotion. I greedily took it all in, accepting all she was willing to give.

When we broke apart for air, I knew I would never have enough of her.

"Bella." My voice was hoarse and pained, even to my own ears. "I've missed you so much."

I watched as my words brought tears to her eyes, and I couldn't resist kissing her again. A kiss that told her I was still there. That I needed her.

But I also needed to speak it. I needed her to know how I felt. And no matter what she might say, it was past time for me to come clean.

"Tell me to go if you don't want me. But I can't go another minute without you knowing the truth." I watched her face intently, needing her to know it was all true. Every word. "I want you to be mine. No pretending. Just completely, and totally mine."

**AN: So… originally I started writing this chapter with the intent of just giving a little bit of Edward's thought process, but it kinda took on a life of its own. I know it's not the chapter you were probably hoping for, but it is what it is :/**

**Thanks so much for all the love you guys! I've been overwhelmed with a lot lately and your support of this story has just meant so much to me. Stay tuned for more to come :)**


	21. Ch 21: Who's the Hottest?

**Ch 21: Who's the Hottest?**

**~ Bella's POV~**

"_Tell me to go if you don't want me. But I can't go another minute without you knowing the truth. I want you to be mine. No pretending. Just completely, and totally mine."_

I didn't think. I didn't give myself even a moment to doubt, but rather did what my heart had been telling me to do for a very long time.

I pulled him in, pressing his firm body to mine, and kissed him deeply. Trying to say without words what he meant to me.

When he sighed into me, his arms wrapping around tightly around my waist, I felt tears prickle the corners of my eyes.

The relief ripped through me violently, as I realized how much I needed him. And how much I wanted him to need me.

"I've got you Bella." He whispered against my lips. "I've got you now."

For once, I felt complete. Like I was everything I was supposed to be, that nothing was lacking.

And I let myself get lost in it.

Lost in him.

"Feel free to take my truck back to the house. No one's there if you need some privacy." Jake's voice interrupted through the tender, yet lusty haze surrounding my brain.

My eyes popped open to see him grinning as he pulled towels out from the truck. I felt my face go bright red. I had totally forgotten where we were. Though hidden from the rest of group, we still were very much out in the open.

"You can grab some dry clothes and come back." He gave a pointed nod to my very wet and see through bra. I had to be tomato colored at this point. "Just one favor, if you use my room, throw the sheets in the wash."

And the fucker winked, before walking away.

I dropped my head to Edward's chest, feeling very embarrassed. When he rumbled beneath me, I looked up curiously.

His eyes were alight with laughter.

"I guess we got a little carried away." He looked so happy I couldn't stay embarrassed. His humor turned into a tender smile that touched my heart. "We really should get you warm and dry."

And my cheeks were burning again.

"Swimming was a last-minute decision." I said sheepishly. His eyes twinkled.

"So I see. But as caveman as it might seem, I don't want anyone else looking at your very delicious nipples."

My hands immediately came up to cover my breasts. Damn, my nipples were so hard they could cut glass.

He laughed, but took pity and wrapped me snugly in a towel.

"They should have the fire ready now. We can go sit by it, get you warmed up." His hands rubbed up and down my arms, sending warmth through me.

"You're soaking wet still. We really could go steal some of Jake's clothes." I offered hopefully, but Edward shook his head.

"If we leave now, I won't bring you back. I'm gonna need more than a few hours to be alone with you." The promise in the words slithered around me deliciously, and I couldn't help my shiver.

"But you're wet." I countered, pointing out the obvious.

With a wicked grin he pulled his shirt off, exposing scrumptious muscles to my starved eyes. My brows raised, as his pants followed.

Why were hip bones so hot?

To my delight, I noticed he was not unaffected either, if the tent in his boxers was anything to go by.

I'm pretty sure I was drooling just looking at him. You'd think it'd been months and not just a week that I'd had him last.

"Bella, if you don't stop looking at me like that, I'm gonna carry you off into the woods and have my way with you." Though his words were teasing, there was a tremor of truth in them. And his eyes were ablaze with need.

"You know, telling me things like makes me want to do the exact opposite of stopping. In fact, I'd like nothing more than for you to take me right now."

I probably shouldn't have teased him.

He cursed, grabbing me roughly by my hips and pushed me up against the back of the truck. The contact of his sculpted body pressed to mine was pure bliss.

I stifled a groan when his lips connected with my neck. The gentle scrape of his teeth as he pulled had my body quivering delightedly.

His fingers trailed up my leg, beneath the towel to the edge of my underwear. His thumb brushed the crevice of my thighs, lifting the material slightly. He repeated the motion lazily, as his mouth assaulted my neck. And my breath caught in my throat when his thumb worked past the fabric of my panties to brush my skin where I ached deeply for him.

"Edward," I whisper-groaned. He kept his touch light, teasing. He simply stroked me softly, creeping deliberately near where I wanted him most, before retreating and starting over again.

It was maddening.

In what felt like seconds, I was shaking with need. Even without straying too far, his fingers quickly became coated in the evidence of my arousal.

"God Bella. You're soaking wet." His jaw was set in a hard line of restraint, and I wanted to make him as undone as I felt.

My hands found their way to the waistband of his boxers, and I wasted no time in wrapping my hand around his very erect member.

"Fuck."

I wasn't in the mood to tease, so I stroked him deeply, spreading the collection of pre-cum from the tip of his shaft to the base. He trembled in my hand.

I repeated the motion, losing myself in the feeling of touching him while being touched myself. I nearly cried out when his fingers suddenly thrust inside me. He moved rapidly, roughly, thoroughly. Knowing I'd be done in seconds if he kept up the onslaught, I increased the pace of my hand on him.

Our groans were simultaneous.

I panted as I neared perilously close the end of my sanity, and I couldn't help but cling to him greedily as I tipped right over the edge.

Hot liquid coated my hand and I realized I had brought him right along with me.

We breathed heavily as our hearts worked their way towards a more normal rhythm.

"The things you do to me Bella."

His words warmed me in all the right places.

I only regretted that we weren't alone, so I could show him just how much he affected me too.

"I'm glad I do things to you."

He laughed lightly, resting his forehead against mine.

All was quiet for a moment as we enjoyed the warmth and comfort of each other's closeness.

"Will you be mine Bella?"

Surprised, I opened my eyes.

Hadn't we already talked about this? Didn't he know my answer?

His fingers stroked my cheek softly.

"I know you want me. But, I mean I want a real relationship with you. Not just this. Not just sex. I want to take you on dates. Wake up with you. Hear about what you want out of life."

My heart thundered intensely. I wanted all of it too. I wanted to give; I was just so scared he'd leave if he knew the real me.

"We can take things as slow as you need. I know opening up is hard for you, but I want to be there Bella. Will you let me in?"

His eyes searched mine earnestly and I knew, no matter how terrified I was, that I couldn't deny him.

"I'll try." It was the best I could offer, and from the look of relief on his face, I knew it was enough for him.

"Thank you." He whispered in my hair. My throat felt tight with emotion.

_Please don't let me fuck this up._

….

**~Edwards POV~**

It was difficult, keeping my hands off her.

I'd wanted to hold her longer, make love to her properly, but with a crowd just out of sight that had to be put on hold.

Thankfully we hadn't been gone long enough to arouse too much suspicion, though Jacob grinned pointedly when we walked back to the fire.

Not long after Quil and Sam joined our little pow-wow and much to my surprise, I was having a lot of fun.

I had to admit, I actually liked Jacob.

He was a cool guy and now that I knew he wasn't after Bella, it was a lot easier to see how they really acted more like brother and sister than ex-lovers.

"Keep it up pipsqueak and I'll drown you for real." He teased playfully.

"You already did almost drown me for real!" She smacked his arm forcefully. "You're lucky I don't try to drown you."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Pffff. As if you could. You could barely keep yourself above the water."

"Never said I was gonna get in. I could just knock you out and dump your body in lake later." She said it so matter of factly, that Jacob's jaw dropped open.

"Damn Bella, that's cold!" Quil giggled to which Bella grinned.

"All hail the ice queen," Nessie added in.

"Hey! You're supposed to be on my side!" Jacob objected. Bella ruffled his hair playfully.

"Who wants to be on the loosing team?" Seth asked, and Quil shrugged.

Jacob grumbled lightly.

"Aww, you're so cute when you're grumpy," Nessie teased.

"I'll show you cute." He lunged at her, grabbing her roughly and throwing her over his shoulder, before walking away towards the woods.

"Stop! Put me down! JACOB!" Nessie screamed as he strode away with her in his arms.

"Should we go after them?" I asked hesitantly, hearing Nessie scream loudly. Bella shook her head laughing.

"Knowing Jake, it was probably just an excuse to get her alone so they could make out," she winked.

"Ohh, like you and Edward earlier?" Seth shot out. Bella gasped, placing a hand over her heart.

"Seth! The outrageous things you say! We would never," but she was nodding her head up and down, winking as she said the words, making us laugh.

"So convincing." He chuckled.

After a few moments of silence Bella laughed.

"What?" Sam was the one who asked.

"Oh. Nessie stopped screaming, so I'm just assuming her mouth must be occupied."

Seth gagged.

"Stop. That's my cousin you're talking about you heathen."

Bella gave him innocent eyes.

"Heathen? I just said occupied, I didn't say how. You're the one with the dirty mind."

Seth rolled his eyes.

"Mmhmm. You don't need to say anything. We already know how your mind works, ya perv."

She looked affronted.

"There's nothing dirty about your mouth being occupied. Jacob might have just given her a nice snack. She could be out there eating a delicious treat for all we know."

"Are you calling Jacob's dick a delicious treat?" I asked with a raised brow. Bella laughed when Seth gagged again.

"Ugh, don't encourage her. That is an image I'm never getting out of my head." He said worriedly.

"Would you rather be hearing Nessie scream?" Bella asked evilly. "I mean we could be hearing a whole lot of 'Oh Jake' 'Yes'!"

"Gahh. Stop! You're the worst." Seth was bright red, placing his hands on his ears.

Quil and Sam had remained silent throughout the exchange, but now they were grinning ear to ear.

"You know, Jacob told us a lot about you. I can't say he was wrong." Sam chuckled, making Bella blush profusely.

"Wow, you managed to embarrass and shut her up. I thought only Edward's dick could do that." Seth said amazed.

Bella had turned downright crimson, but it just made me chuckle.

"So, you've been thinking about Edward's dick?" Quil asked, making Seth turn scarlet.

"You know what, there is no winning with this group. I plead the fifth." He asserted.

Laughter erupted from everyone.

Nessie and Jacob rejoined as the chuckles were dying down.

"What did we miss?" He turned a suspicious eye on Bella who was still very red.

"Nothing really, your friends just all have very dirty minds." She said innocently.

"Us? You're the one talking about mouth's being occupied." Seth argued.

Jacobs eyes widened before he shook his head.

"Never mind, I'm sure I don't want to know."

"Probably." She nodded agreeingly.

"Should we play a game?" Nessie asked after sitting down by the fire.

"What, like truth or dare?" Bella returned excitedly. Me and the others exchanged uneasy glances.

Nessie laughed.

"Sure. So Bella, truth or dare."

Bella tapped her chin playfully.

"Hmm... dare!"

"I dare you to kiss Edward on a body part of his choosing (consent is key!)."

Bella rolled her eyes and looked to me expectantly.

"Hmmm… how about here?" I tapped my cheek. She grinned and gave me a sweet peck. It was cute.

"Okay, my turn!" Her eyes darted around the circle looking for a victim. The small smirk at the corner of her mouth, told me she had chosen. "Seth. Truth or Dare?"

He groaned.

"Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?" he shook his head. "Dare?"

The mischievous glint in her eyes was slightly terrifying.

"I dare you to let Quil see your resent search history on your phone."

Wow. Diabolical.

Seth turned pink, but handed over his phone without looking.

After a few seconds of looking, Quil turned red and handed the phone back.

"Ohh man. I bet that was juicy!" Jacob announced excitedly.

"Oh I think before this goes any further we should set some ground rules." Bella announced. All eyes were on her.

"First, I think consent is really important, so no asking someone to do something too sexual. Nessie's dare was a good example of respecting boundaries."

Everyone nodded, and a sense of relief was evident.

"Second, no daring someone to tell you something. That's a truth question."

Again, everyone agreed.

"Last, I think for the sake of keeping things fun and interesting, you can't ask essentially the same dare on the same person. Meaning, I already asked Seth to show his browser history, so you can't ask him to do it again."

Seth gave Bella a somewhat grateful look and I wondered what that was about. Was his history that embarrassing?

"Uh, so lame. But I guess that makes sense," Jacob conceded.

"Anyone else have any other rules you can think of?"

But no one had anything else to offer.

"Okay Seth, your turn!"

He was still blushing slightly.

"Uh, Sam?"

"I'll do truth."

"Ohh our first truth!" Bella announced excitedly.

"Have you ever done anything illegal?"

He shrugged thoughtfully.

"Does speeding count?" The group laughed, but he took it in good humor. "It's hard to break rules on the rez. There just aren't very many."

We had to concede point there.

"Jacob?"

"Dare."

Sam grinned.

"I dare you to lick your shoe."

We died laughing while Jacob grumbled.

"I'm so not kissing you later," Nessie teased. Needless to say, he wasn't happy about it.

His eyes turned to Quil who shook his head.

"Dare." He spoke before being asked.

"I dare you to cuddle Seth for the rest of the game."

Surprisingly, he didn't argue.

Instead, he assessed a very panicked looking Seth, before picking him up and settling him across his lap. Quil's arms wrapped around Seth's waist and he pulled him gently to his chest, before resting his chin on his head.

"How's this?"

Jacob was grinning like a fool.

"Perfect. And remember, I said for the rest of the game. So even if you have to get up for another dare later you have to come back to this."

Quil rolled his eyes, but I couldn't help but think he looked a little… pleased?

Was Quil into Seth?

Looking at how intimately he was holding him, it was hard not to think otherwise. Sure, it was a dare, but cuddling was vague enough he could have gotten away with just sitting side by side, if touching. But this position was far more friendly.

"I pick truth." Nessie called bringing me out of my thoughts. Quil smirked.

"What were you and Jacob doing when he carried you out to the wood earlier?"

Nessie's face turned bright pink.

"Uhh, making out?"

Quil rose a brow at her.

"With that much blushing? Mmhmm, I think someone isn't telling the whole truth." He teased. Nessie buried her face in Jacob's chest. He was grinning like an idiot.

"To be fair you asked what she was doing. Not _everything_ she did."

"Fine. But that was your one loophole."

"Was that everyone?" Nessie asked looking around, before her eyes landed on me and brightened. "Edward… how could I almost miss you?"

I shrugged.

"Dare?" Why did I feel like I was going to regret this?

"Hmm. I dare you to swap underwear with Bella."

Bella looked at me startled before belting out laughter.

"Fine. But we're not changing in front of you." Bella announced grabbing my hand to pull me towards the truck.

"Fine! But we at least have to see some hip bone so we know he actually did it!" She shouted at our retreating backs.

"I don't think I like your friends after all."

Bella giggled and reached under her towel to peel off her panties. Luckily for me they were at least the boy short variety, and black.

About a minute later we had swapped our clothes.

"It's probably bad of me, but seeing you in my underwear is super hot."

At first I thought she was teasing, but as I looked over I saw the hunger in her eyes.

Great. I was getting hard again.

"Would you stop. These things are already tight enough."

She giggled again, but kissed me passionately. I was really straining against the thin fabric now.

"I'm pretty sure you're evil incarnate."

She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"You two better get back here or we're gonna think you're fucking!" Jacob called.

"Maybe we are!" Bella shouted back.

"Well this is weird then. Don't talk to me while you're fucking your mans!"

"Don't lie, you're totally into it!"

I shook my head at their antics, glad that the interruption seemed to have a deflating effect on my arousal.

We walked back towards the fire moments later.

"Damn, that was quick." Jacob teased.

"Quick and dirty." Bella agreed. "As you can see I'm wearing his boxers." She pulled the towel aside to show. He nodded agreeably, before turning to look at me.

I rolled my eyes, exposing only a small portion of my hips to them.

"Very nice. Too bad she wasn't wearing something lacy." He winked.

"Just you wait. I can get you back, keep that in mind." Bella warned.

"Bring it missy!"

"Careful what you wish for." She grinned satanically, and I was glad it wasn't aimed at me.

"Alright, chill. It's my turn anyways."

Turning my eyes back to the group, I debated on who to target. My eyes found Quil and Seth. And I wondered yet again if something might be going on there.

One way to find out.

"Seth?"

His eyes widened.

"Uhh, truth?"

Now how to go about this carefully?

"Describe your ideal partner. Be specific, personality-wise and physically."

His mouth opened and closed a few times.

"Oh. Umm. I like someone sweet, gentle. Umm, family oriented." He blushed deeply.

"Physically?" I reminded.

"Right. Oh. Umm. I guess, athletic, tall. I like dark hair." I watched as Quil's fingers flexed slightly. Though Seth was still pretty vague, the description fit Quil pretty well.

"Eye color?" I added, just to see.

"Blue." The answer was immediate. Quil's eyes were definitely blue. And based on his reaction, he was definitely into Seth.

Part of me was shocked that I didn't realize all this sooner. The other part of me was wondering how I could help get them together without it being painfully awkward.

"Okay, I'm done embarrassing you for now. Your go."

Still blushing, his eyes landed on Nessie.

"Dare bebe!" She laughed.

"I dare you to not touch Jacob for the rest of the game."

Damn, Seth could be creative.

"Ugh! That is so not fair!" Nessie pouted and moved a few inches away from Jacob, whom she was looking at longingly.

He laughed and patted her head.

"What makes this even better is that he didn't say I couldn't touch you."

Her mouth dropped open.

"That's just cruel." Her eyes cut across the circle to glare at Seth.

"Hey, I'm sitting in someone's lap right now. Don't give me that look." He defended.

"Fine." She grumbled. "Quil?"

"Truth," he spoke hesitantly.

"Hottest Disney prince, go!"

His eyes widened.

"Wait a second! This is so much bigger than just a truth question. This is like a _huge_ debate. I invoke a round of truth, where everyone has to participate!" Bella declared, making Nessie laugh and Jacob roll his eyes.

"Why? I mean it's just Disney." Sam asked very confused.

Bella gasped.

"Go wash your mouth out right now! That is blasphemy. Seriously, wars could be started over this question. We can't just let _one_ person say their opinion and pretend it's okay. This is a discussion!" She argued vehemently.

In the end, Bella had her way.

"I haven't even seen a Disney movie in so long," Quil shrugged. "Umm, I guess that dude from Sleeping Beauty was cute."

Bella scoffed.

"Prince Phillip? Really, Quil? He has like no character. And he kisses an unconscious girl in the movie!"

Quil shrugged.

"I've only seen a few of the Disney movies. My mom liked that one. It's really only like one of three I remember."

Bella tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"I mean, he is cute, but that's just sad. There are so much better characters out there. But fine. It's your opinion. Even if it's the wrong one."

Seth laughed, and Bella cut her eyes to him.

"There is a right answer. Anyways. Sam?"

Sam shrugged.

"I don't remember many of those movies either to be honest. But I guess the guy from Mulan?"

Bella nodded agreeably.

"Okay, he's not a prince, but I'm opening this discussion to hottest male character, because reasons."

Nessie giggled.

"You're so ridiculous. But I have to say Naveen is way hotter."

"That's the guy from the Princess and the Frog, right?" Jacob asked.

"I'm so glad you know that." Belle genuinely said.

"Hey, _Tiana_ is hot. I definitely remember that movie." He winked. Nessie may have slapped him.

"No touching!" he yelled.

"I didn't touch, I slapped. Big difference."

He rolled his eyes and rubbed his arms.

"Okay, discussion now, violence later. So we have one vote for Phillip, Shang, and Naveen."

"What's your vote Jacob?" Bella asked in complete seriousness.

"Tarzan. Dude was ripped and could talk with monkeys."

Nessie rolled her eyes.

"You are a monkey."

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Okay children," Bella scolded. "What do you think Seth?"

His cheeks flamed red.

"Umm, Prince Eric."

I wondered if anyone else, noticed the way Seth's eyes drifted to Quil. Come to think of it, Quil did have a sort of Prince Eric vibe going on.

"Okay, truth. Eric was hawt." Nessie agreed. "I'm recasting my vote for him."

Bella giggled.

"Edward?" She looked at me expectantly.

"You know, I don't know if he's the hottest, but I always really liked Phoebus."

Bella gave me a curiously happy smile.

"That's a good one. I feel like people always forget about him."

"Who is Phoebus?" Jacob asked loudly, receiving only confused looks from the group. Bella hung her head.

"Case and point. Guys. Phoebus was the Captain from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Blonde, cocky, but really sweet. Winds up with Esmerelda at the end. Ring any bells?"

Light bulbs went off.

"Ugh, I can't believe I had to explain that. This is a sham of a discussion."

"You're the one that wanted it to be one!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Yes, but I had a better opinion of you then."

He rolled his eyes.

"So what's yours?" I asked. She turned her head towards me startled. "You started this, you're not gonna tell us your number one?"

She grinned widely.

"The bestest of the best of course. The main event. The ultimate man that puts everyone else to shame." She paused for dramatic effect. We were all ears. "Beast."

And laughter erupted everywhere.

"Oh my God Bella!" Nessie cackled.

"What? Seriously. I mean he literally has it all. He super tall, strong, fast, muscular. His hair is shiny and soft. Those eyes be popping. He has a super sexy growl and to top it all off, he becomes a better person for someone else. And he has a magical castle with a giant ass library. Just saying." Her eyes went a little dreamy.

More laughter ensued.

"You're a weirdo," Jacob ruffled her hair affectionately. She just shrugged.

"You're just figuring this out?"

"Wait so who won?" Sam asked after a minute.

"Technically, Eric got the most votes. Which is fine because those dimples are pretty hot." Bella conceded.

"So are we done playing truth or dare then?" I asked, somewhat hopefully. Though I was having a good time.

Bella shook her head and tapped my nose.

"Oh baby. We were just getting started."

**AN: Thanks for hanging in there guys! I hope you liked this slightly longer update (since you were so patient). **

**A lot just happened.. I mean we got Bella and E together officially, Seth might have a crush on Quil, and a discussion about who the hottest Disney prince is…**

**What was your favorite part?**

**EDIT! GAH this is what happens when you take forever to post between chapters. I fugged up and made Quil Seth's cousin when it was supposed to be Sam! It's fixed now, but yeah.. that was almost super awkward.**


	22. Ch 22: A Long Time Coming

**Ch 22: A long time coming**

**~ Bella's POV~**

The night passed in a blur of hilarity. We played truth or dare deep into the evening, only calling it quits when it became painfully obvious that Jacob and Nessie were ready to go bang each other.

I couldn't really complain though, because I had similar thoughts on my mind. I glanced sideways at Edward who had dozed off leaning against the door.

He had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago. I wasn't upset though. He looked pretty tired; a full night of running around doing dares was exhausting.

I smiled to myself thinking how ridiculous we had all been. It was also not lost on me that something was happening between Quil and Seth.

To be honest everyone in the group noticed fireworks were there. They had to know right? I couldn't be entirely sure, but I tired to do my part to help.

In fact, being the great friends that we all are, we did our best the entire evening to push them together more. I couldn't be sure if they were going to do anything about it, but I hoped something developed.

I wondered if they would feel embarrassed? Did they think we wouldn't accept them? The thought made me sad.

"What are you thinking about so intently?" Edward's voice cut in.

Startled, I looked over to see him watching me curiously.

"I didn't realize you had woken up."

He smiled slightly.

"I never fell asleep."

That surprised me. He had been so quiet. Maybe something was on his mind?

"You didn't answer my question." His voice carried over, interrupting my thoughts once more.

"Uhh?" I was trying to recall what he asked, but my mind was coming up empty. His chuckle was light.

"You looked like you were thinking hard about something. I was wondering what that was."

Ohh. Right.

"I was just thinking about Seth and Quil. I was wondering if they were gonna get together or not." He looked surprised at that. "You didn't notice?"

Somehow that didn't seem possible.

"Yea, I noticed. I'm just surprised that's what was on your mind."

I felt my brow furrow.

"What did you think was on my mind?"

I could feel the intense gaze even before I glanced over.

"I imagined you were second guessing agreeing to be in a relationship with me."

The words and honesty were startling.

"That's… wow. Why?" I was clearly puzzled.

The silence seemed to loom between us for a moment.

"I guess because we rushed into it pretty suddenly today. And you've been quiet for a while."

I wasn't even sure how to respond.

"I thought you fell asleep, so I was trying to let you rest." I gripped the steering wheel nervously. "Are _you_ having second thoughts?"

I couldn't look at him, but kept my eyes focused on the road.

"No."

His words were quiet, but firm. I didn't altogether relax though.

He had to have a better reason than me being a little quiet to think I was already contemplating ending our fresh relationship.

Was it something I said? Or did?

My mind was drawing blanks.

I thought if anything I looked like I wanted to jump him all night long.

Because I did. I mean I did try to not be too obvious about it. And I mostly kept my hands to myself. But that was to make sure I didn't get carried away. Edward wasn't usually fond of PDA and I was trying to respect that. Even if it did take most of my concentration.

"You look upset."

I _was _upset.

"I'm just trying to figure out what I did wrong." My chest felt tight. How was it that we had only just agreed to be in a real relationship and I was already a disappointment?

"Bella." His tone was soft, but I couldn't make myself look at him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Then why was he thinking I was ready to call it quits not even twelve hours later?

"Pull over."

I felt my brows raise.

"What? Why?" I looked at him quickly, half expecting him to look like he was going to hurl. But he looked perfectly fine.

"I need you to pull over for a minute."

Unwilling to hold him hostage if he needed to get out, I did as asked, and pulled over to the side of the road.

It was pitch-black save the soft-yellow lights from my truck. And even they didn't have the best range.

I looked over when I heard his buckle click. He didn't get out like I expected, but rather scooted right beside me, taking my face in his hands.

He just stared at me for a long time.

It made me nervous. I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong." He repeated from before. "I'm just worried I rushed you into something you might not have been ready for. And despite the fact I know that, I'm too selfish to let you go."

I was captive to his words.

His thumb brushed my bottom lip gently.

"I've wanted you for so long Bella and it may take some time to feel like this is real. Because I keep thinking at any moment, I'm going to wake up and you're going to be just my neighbor. And I'll have lost you again."

His words hit me hard.

It reflected much of what I felt too. That we were just a fragile dream easily broken.

Feeling overwhelmed with relief, I turned my lips to kiss his palm.

"I'm not going anywhere Edward."

His eyes told me he wasn't sure if he believed it, but I could tell he wanted to.

I pulled him into a deep hug, both of us needing the reassurance.

It was heavenly.

Hugging Edward was one of the best feelings in the world. It was comforting, and sweet, and just perfect. It made me never want to leave the blissful circle of his arms.

So even as a minute ticked by, I just held on. Not ready to let go yet.

I'm not sure how long we hugged, but every second of it soothed me deeply. In ways I'm certain I probably couldn't understand.

"This is really nice." He sighed into my neck.

I pulled him tighter, relishing the sigh of content that escaped his lips.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I wasn't ready to let him go, or be apart from him. I felt his fingers flex against my sides as his grip tightened.

"Yes." He kissed the side of my neck gently. "I'm not sure I would have been willing to let you go anyways."

I nuzzled into him a bit more, and lingered just a moment longer.

When we pulled away, I wasn't quite ready. But we did need to get home.

Thankfully, Edward didn't move back. He stayed seated in the middle, one arm draped across the back of my seat, his hand gently stroking my hair. It made the rest of our drive more pleasant.

We weren't too far from home anyways, and I was grateful to be back soon.

Pulling in the drive made my stomach clench uneasily. Dad's car wasn't home. I tried not to think about it.

After parking I looked over to Edward.

"I need to grab a few things, but I'll be over in a minute."

He frowned, tracing the wrinkle in my brow.

"I can come with you if you want."

The thought of Edward in my house made me very uneasy. I glanced at it momentarily, knowing there was no real reason not to let him come with me.

Dad wasn't home.

And it wouldn't be likely for him to come home anytime soon.

Yet, I still didn't like it. As if Edward would be able to sense the heartache in the walls.

I looked back, seeing the resigned acceptance on his face. As if he already knew I wasn't going to let him in. And that he wasn't going to push even though I was sure it hurt him.

It made me ache. And I hated thinking my actions might cause him pain.

"Okay." I nodded before I could change my mind.

They way his eyes lit up was well worth the pit of unease in my stomach.

Silently, I led him into the house and up the stairs to my room.

I tried to quell the nervousness as I quickly packed my bag.

"I gotta grab a few things from the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I wasn't gone long, but as cruel fate would have it, it was just long enough. My stomach dropped when I heard the front door bang open.

"Bellllaa?" His drunk cadence could be heard throughout the house, and I knew, Edward had to have heard it too.

Stuffing down the dread, I rushed down the stairs to find dad staggering towards the kitchen, a mostly empty bottle of whisky gripped in one hand.

I watched in horror as he lost his footing and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Shiiitt." He mumbled looking around like he couldn't figure out how he had gotten there.

"You okay daddy?" I crouched beside him, my nose involuntarily wrinkling at the saturated smell of alcohol.

He blinked awkawardly and slowly, before deciding he knew who I was. Yet the look of recognition turned sad, and I knew where this was going.

"Youu lo'k jus like herr." Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he lifted his hand to pat my cheek. I couldn't help the flinch.

"I'm not her." I told him firmly, trying my best to hold the emotion back.

The moisture in his eyes grew, spilling down over his cheeks.

"You culd been herr twin, my Rennee." He paused sadly. "You'll 'eave mee too."

That felt like a punch to the gut.

"I'm not her. I'm here."

He nodded sadly.

"Youu shn't b-be. My-y sweet Bellaa. To-o good to m-me. Yoo des'rve better."

It broke my heart to see him like that.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

"Iss my faullt. She gone 'cause me."

I wanted to tell him he was gone too, because of her. Lost in his own mind, stuck in the past and never able to move on.

"No, she left us and it was her fault. She decided she didn't want us anymore. You didn't do anything wrong." How many times had I told him as much? How many times had I told myself the same thing?

And yet, how many times did either of us believe it?

"No-ot ur fault ba-by girrl." He stroked my hand. "I-I, jus miss herr," he sobbed.

It broke me, hearing that. Knowing I wasn't enough, and that I never would be. If I had been, I could have brough him back years ago. He wouldn't be this sad pathetic person. He'd be my dad and there for me like dad's are supposed to be.

The anger and despair circled through my head, and all I could do was hold onto my sobbing father and wait for the storm to pass. The familiar numbness set in, and in those moments, I wondered if I had become stone. Time passed but I felt nothing, just blank emptiness.

Everything was quiet and still, so much so, that part of me wondered if I had finally died. But a gentle shake to my shoulder brought me face to face with a very concerned looking Edward and back to reality.

In the far recesses of my mind I had been hoping that by some small grace, Edward was oblivious, just waiting for me in my room. Obviously, that wasn't the case, and I wondered, as I stared at him numbly, how long it would take for him to leave too.

"Sorry," my voice was hoarse, dead, "I-" I couldn't find words. Maybe I was too tired. Too numb, but I couldn't find the words to explain, or any words for that matter.

But Edward was shaking his head.

"Here, help me get him up."

Wordlessly, I followed.

"Daddy," I shook his should gently, causing him to stir. "We need to get to the couch. Can you stand up with me?"

He wasn't really awake, but he mumbled and tried getting to his feet. Edward helped a lot, supporting him from one side while I took the other.

We slowly walked him to the living room, where he immediately crashed to the couch. I doubted he would remember any of this tomorrow.

Though I was so tired I could hardly stand, muscle memory took over, leading me to the hall closet where I stored a spare blanket. After removing his shoes, I nestled the blanket around him, and stroked back his hair.

"Bella?"

I had been avoiding looking at Edward, scared of what I might see. Now there was no avoiding it.

He walked up to me slowly, eyes cautious, as if I was a wild animal that might run off any second. Lucky for him, I was too tired to move, much less run anywhere.

"Will he be okay?" his eyes glanced to my dad.

"Yeah. He never pukes, but if he does, he's on his stomach."

I figured it was a little too late to pretend this was a first occurrence. His eyes were deeply concerned, but what could I do?

"You're exhausted."

He wasn't wrong, but I shrugged.

"I'm okay."

Something close to anger flashed through his eyes, but it didn't stick around long enough for me to process what it was.

"Considering that I don't think you're up for a fight, I'll let that comment go. But I'm telling you now, you're coming with me. You're getting a shower and going to sleep. In my bed. With me."

His voice was firm and soft at the same time. And despite the fact it was a little more than high handed, it felt good to know that he wanted to be there. That he cared enough to not let me be alone.

Needing more of his strength, I stepped into his arms and held on. Saying nothing else, he picked me up and carried me out of the house.

True to his word, when we made it to his place, he helped me shower, dressed me for bed, and then tucked me into his side.

Part of me knew tomorrow was going to be hell, but for now, I was content. Content to be surrounded by someone who genuinely cared for me. And it had been a long time since felt that way.

**AN: Yeahhhh… this has been a long time coming. **

**Thanks for all the love! Hope you enjoy this update.**


	23. Ch 23: Paths of Consequence

**Ch 23: Paths of Consequence**

**~ Bella's POV~**

The next morning found me better than I would have imagined. I still looked a mess, swollen puffy eyes, hair more than a little ratted, and an unmistakable expression of defeat was stamped across my face.

Yet, the world didn't seem as bleak as usual. The numbness that sets in often lasts for days, leaving me feeling empty and aimless. But this time it wasn't lingering. I knew Edward was the reason.

I looked across the kitchen counter as he prepared a breakfast of cheesy grits, eggs, and toast (my favorite). His plaid pajama bottoms clinging deliciously to his butt, and I found myself more than a little mesmerized watching him move around gracefully.

He hadn't pressured me to talk about anything yet. I was almost certain as soon as we got up this morning he would be pressing me for some sort of explanation. But all he'd done was cuddle me gently and kiss my head. And when my stomach grumbled, he simply asked me to join him in the kitchen while he cooked for us.

If I didn't still feel so drained, I might have cried.

How long had I been missing this?

So much wasted time. And heartache.

"You okay?" The gentle concerned voice asked, as a hand came up to rub my cheek. I gave him a soft smile, hoping to assuage the concern I saw in his eyes.

"Yea. Just zoning out." I looked down, now noticing he'd set bowls of food in front of me. "This looks great."

My stomach was churning, and I didn't really want to eat, but since he had gone through the trouble, I would indulge him.

"You don't have to eat it all. Just some of it." There was almost of note of humor in his voice.

I wondered if my expression gave me away.

"Sorry, my stomach's just not fully on board this morning." But I picked up the wedge of lightly buttered toast and took a generous bite.

Thankfully, my stomach had no objections, so I continued to eat, if a bit cautiously.

"This is good. Thank you."

Instead of responding, he leaned over to kiss my head, before returning to his meal.

It was those sort of sweet gestures that I imagined were going to do me in.

As we finished eating, my nervousness grew. He deserved to know the truth. To know what the hell was going on in my life. And even though he had stayed with me through a truly horrendous night, it didn't mean he really wanted to sign up for all this. I mean, high school relationships are supposed to be fun and silly and casual. My situation was anything but that.

"Bella," his voice drew me out of my growing panic, "breathe."

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath, but I let it out as he instructed.

"I didn't want to pressure you to talk, but I feel like you have a lot going on in your head that you need to get out. Even if you're not ready to tell me, let me help you find someone you would be comfortable with."

I could hardly bare the sweetness.

And before I knew it, I'd launched myself at him, clinging tightly to this frame.

I didn't cry, I just really needed the embrace. His strong arms pressed around me snugly, bringing comfort.

"Don't worry about pressuring me. I'll tell you anything you want to know. It's just… promise me if you decide you don't want to be with me anymore, that you'll just tell me. I don't want to you to preten-" his tight squeeze cut me off.

"There isn't anything you could tell me that would change my mind about you, or how I feel about you Bella." His voice was tight and almost tortured. "No more pretending, remember?"

"This is just a lot, for anyone. And I didn't mean that you're pretending to like me, just that if my situation is too much, and it probably is, that I won't hold it against you if you need to walk away." I tried to explain more fully, although based on his expression, I saw it was just frustrating him.

He took a deep breath and choose to hug me more tightly rather than respond. After a minute or so he finally pulled back.

"I'm sorry if I seem annoyed with you. I can't imagine how much you've been through, and I just really want to be there for you."

I could appreciate, if not fully understand it. I supposed if the situation was reversed, no matter what, I'd want to be there for him.

"Okay." I acknowledged, much to his apparent surprise. "Just know, that none of this is easy or easy for me to talk about. And I'm probably going to frustrate you a lot more because it's hard for me and I really haven't talked to anyone about this before. I just don't even know how to do this." I felt so nervous. So uncomfortable.

"It's all gonna be okay Bella." He rubbed my hands warmly. "Would it help if I asked you questions?"

I nodded, considering I didn't know where to start.

"I'm sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions, but your dad, he's an alcoholic, right?"

There is was.

Those words that I'd never really spoken aloud before.

"Yes."

For such a small word, it felt so heavy in my mouth.

"How long?"

A slightly harder question.

At what point does one consider their father an alcoholic? The first time they come home too drunk to stand straight? When they start drinking earlier in the day? Or start buying more booze than groceries?

There were just so many things that all seemed to slowly come together.

"Umm, I don't really know. I think I realized he had a serious problem sometime mid-ninth grade. But looking back, it was probably even sooner than that."

I could see him putting it together.

"The divorce?"

I nodded understanding the question.

"I think… part of the problem is that it was less of a divorce and more of her just walking out on us." This was probably the hardest thing for me to talk about. Because it made me so angry. "She didn't actually tell him she wanted a divorce. She just left. And didn't contact dad for weeks. Then one day he got the papers in the mail."

Edward was shocked.

"I thought they just decided to get one, and that's why they sent you away to summer camp?"

I shrugged, trying not to let my feelings get the best of me.

"That's what my dad told me originally. It didn't make sense to me, but I was a kid so I didn't have a reason not to believe him. Until he started drinking anyways. He's a very chatty drunk when he's not totally shitfaced."

Semi-stunned silence hung between us.

"So, she just left?" I could tell he was having a hard time comprehending it.

"Yeah." I took deep breath knowing he needed the full explanation. "What I told you before was true. They did fight a lot, and they were having problems. They, or at least, dad, sent me off to camp I think to try to work on their marriage. To see if they could get things back on track. What I found out later is that she never had any intention of working things out. She used me being gone as an excuse to cut out when she did."

And I did feel used. Even now, thinking of what a coward she was leaving us like that.

"What the fuck?" Edward's sudden outburst had me jolting in confusion. "So she just left? How could she do that?"

His genuine outrage was both totally unexpected and so comforting. Seeing that I wasn't the only one who felt it was really messed up.

"I tried for a long time to understand. And the only real conclusion I've been able to come to, is that some people just really don't care. She didn't care. At least not enough to stay for us."

It was painful, remembering. Coming home to an absent mother, a broken father, and a missing space in my heart they were supposed to be filling with love.

"Sometimes I wish I could forgive her. Just so I could be done with it. But then dad comes home smashed and all the anger just bubbles right back up. Because she had to know, right? Dad adored her. If there's one thing I remember from before, it's that he looked at her like she was everything. And she just threw it all away. She threw _us_ away."

The old anger fueled by hurt was rising in me, choking me.

Edward's soothing hands rubbed my arms, telling me without words that I mattered.

"I don't think I can really comprehend how much that hurt you, and I know it's not the same thing, or that it's going to make anything better, but you're not trash Bella. I care about you so much that I really can't understand how your mom could walk away like that. Because you are so damn amazing, and I can't imagine my world without you in it."

Though his words were heartfelt and sweet, all I could see was the irony.

"I usually feel like the only amazing thing about me is how amazingly messed up my life is." I laughed humorlessly, making Edward frown. "Sorry. You were being sweet. It's hard for me to accept it sometimes."

He sighed lightly, as if accepting that he couldn't change years of damage with a few kind words.

"You don't have to apologize to me, you warned me from the start that you would probably annoy me. I don't want you to stop being honest or telling me how you really feel. You have every right to feel the way you do, and I don't want to discredit that."

I loved how it was like he knew all the right things to say.

"I may have a right to my feelings, but I don't have to discredit _your_ feelings."

He smiled slightly, before his face turned more serious.

"I know this isn't easy for you, and I just want you to know how much I care for you. And that, despite the fact you didn't intend for me to find out about any of this, that I'm really glad you're letting me be here for you." He paused for a small moment. "I know you said before that your dad didn't hit you, but I have to ask again."

I understood his hesitance to believe.

"He's never hit me." I reassured him, looking him straight in the eye. "I know it's probably gonna seem like a lie, but the truth is that he's just a really clumsy drunk and I can't stop myself from trying to help."

I felt helpless watching him stumble around. It hurt me deeply to see him like that.

"So, you're saying he's never intentionally hit you, but he's accidently done it?" Edward, to his credit, did seem like he was asking for clarification.

"No. I mean, when I try helping him to the couch, or up the stairs, he falls a lot. Sometimes he steps on my toes. Or we both lose our balance and fall down the stairs." I mentioned referring to the most recent incident.

He didn't look comforted by my explanation.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk, but that's still really dangerous." I winced at the rebuke. "Hey, no, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I- I'm just really upset that you feel you have to put yourself in that situation. I'm not saying I don't understand why you do it, or that if it were me, I wouldn't have done the same. It's just really hard to listen to you talk so nonchalantly about getting hurt because you're trying to help him."

I could see it from his perspective. But what else was I going to do?

"I get where you're coming from, it's just, if I don't help, sometimes he hurts himself worse. Or at least, a lot worse than just a few bruised toes."

It wasn't a great excuse, but it was the truth.

"I'm really not trying to make you feel like you have to justify why you help him. I think you're so brave and so fucking selfless it makes me want to wrap you up and never let you leave my bed."

That surprised me.

"Brave?" What about my life was brave?

He shook his head at me.

"You can be so blind to how amazing you are." He sighed. "Yes, Bella. I think you are really brave. You've been dealing with all of this for years by yourself. And I imagine I only know a fraction of what you've been through, but even just dealing with that alone is a lot."

"I think you're mistaking self-preservation for bravery."

He shook his head again.

"You really can't take any sort of compliment can you?" I felt my nose wrinkle in disagreement. "I'm not even trying to compliment you. I'm just telling you like I see it. And what I see, is a very strong, _brave_, devoted daughter, who would literally give up anything to make her dad happy."

That hit hard. Because I really would give anything to see my dad smiling again without a bottle of booze in his hands.

"I know it's stupid, but every time I see him like that, I- just feel responsible." How could I explain the hurt and sometimes self-loathing that accompanied my dad's drunken escapades?

"Responsible to take care of him, or responsible for his behavior?"

"Both," I answered honestly. "I know you're gonna say I'm not, and logically I understand that. But who else is gonna take care of him? If I stop caring for him, or helping, he could wind up really hurt, or maybe even dead."

I felt the weight of the burden I'd been carrying, sinking me down further.

"And, I know that his drinking is his problem, and I'm not responsible for it. But there are times, like last night, when I feel like maybe it _is_ true. Every time he looks at me, he sees _her_. And I wonder if it just fucks him up more. Like, if I was different, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad?"

It was a question no one could really answer.

Edward's arms squeezed me close.

"I'm glad you're not different. I'm glad you're you. And I think your dad is too, even if he's too lost to show it."

His words made my heart ache and hope.

"Maybe this isn't the right question to ask, because I understand you've been trying really hard to help him, but have you considered getting him professional help?"

That was a sore point. One I knew would come up though.

"I tried once, a while back. I called this rehab office, and the worker said they couldn't admit him without his consent, but it was apparent to her that my dad was unfit to be my guardian, and she'd have to contact child services. With my only options being either try to find my mom or send me into foster care." The memory nearly had me shaking. "I hadn't given the lady my name, so I just hung up, and prayed that they wouldn't find me."

A lump formed in my throat that I pushed past as I attempted to explain.

"I know it sounds really selfish when I say it like that, but I was just so scared that they'd take me away and he'd be alone. He told me before he didn't need help, and I was so afraid that he might think that I abandoned him too, and I just couldn't do it."

Shame filled me then. Because maybe I was wrong. Maybe he would have gotten help. And I let my fear of losing him get in the way of that.

Edward's hands pressed deeply into me, as if he was trying to forge our bodies into one.

"Maybe it was selfish." His words startled and shamed me. "But I'm glad you didn't have to leave. I know I'm a shit for thinking that Bella, I don't even know how hard this all has been for you, but I'm just so very glad you stayed and you're here with me now."

It shouldn't have been a relief, being told that I probably had messed up. But it was. To know that even though I might have made horrible mistakes, that he was glad of it, if only so that he could selfishly have me with him. It made me feel so validated.

"To be honest though, I don't think what you did was selfish. I think that you understand your dad better than anyone else, and if you think getting taken away wouldn't have helped, then you're probably right. And even though things have been rough, it's likely that you've kept him from going off the deep end all this time."

Tears of relief worked their way into my unwilling eyes. It just felt so good for someone to understand and to still be on my side, even if I hadn't made the best decisions.

"Thank you."

I was startled to find the words didn't come from me. I looked up into his appreciative eyes, utterly confused.

He gave me a tender smile.

"You didn't have to open up like this or share any part of your life with me. And I'm so grateful you did."

I wiped at my eyes, trying to keep my cool.

"Are you trying to make me cry?"

His watery laugh was sweet to my ears.

"No, but I'm here if you need to."

I buried my face into his neck, dampening the cloth there.

He held me silently for some time.

"I needed that. Thanks." My smile was more shy than usual, but I was feeling pretty vulnerable.

"Anytime." He stroked my hair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I understand that you want to help your dad, but to be honest the thought of you going back home to that scares me. Even if you put aside the emotional hurt it causes you, he could seriously injure you, accident or not."

He was right of course, but it unsettled me.

"I told you E, I can't leave him. I'd rather he hurt me than him wind up cracking his head open on the stairs, or some other horrible thing, because I wasn't there to prevent it." I could feel the ugly claws of panic slashing through my gut with the thoughts.

"I'm not saying you should leave him alone. But maybe it's time to revisit getting him help from someone who knows how to deal with addiction. You're old enough now that no one can take you away, not that I'd let them anyways."

It was a difficult thing for me to consider. Part of me was still worried he'd think I'd abandon him. What if that really set him off?

"I don't think rehabs can admit someone without their permission. Not unless they're a suicide risk or court ordered." I reminded him, trying keep my head clear.

"He might would go if you told him how much all of this was hurting you."

That simple statement was hard to accept. Because part of me was scared that I wouldn't be enough. I wasn't for my mom. And he wasn't able to stay sober for me all the past years. Why would this be any different?

But I didn't voice these questions. Some things just caused too much hurt to be spoken.

"You don't have to make a decision right this second. I just want you to know I'm here no matter what." It took some of the pressure off. "I'm not ready to let you go though. Will you stay with me again today, tonight?"

The earnest look in his eyes was compelling. And I really didn't want to go home anyways.

"Yes. I'll stay."

And even as I loved Edward pulling me in yet again for another hug, little buds of doubt bloomed in my head. A dark voice in the back of my mind couldn't help but wonder what I was going to do, and what would be the consequences?

**AN: A heavy chapter, one that really needed to come out. Bella is dealing with a lot, but at least she has Edward.**

**Thanks again for your patience as I work on getting these chapters out. I hope you have a wonderful New Year and that 2021 brings you all the happiness you deserve!**


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